Just Another Day with Music

I have always been deeply affected by music, especially music with lyrics about sincere relationships. This includes traditional romance songs, songs about family relationships and friendships, and songs about our relationship with God.

A lot of people ask me how I am able to connect with the Lord enough to experience his atoning love so sustainably. They want to know how they can more fully rely on him. In this post, I hope to address one major way that happens for me. 

Songs for the River

When I was a senior in high school, my sister was dating Craig Savage (who is now her husband). She had gone on a river rafting trip with him. While on the river, she fell out of the raft and was sucked into a siphon (whirlpool). She was underwater for so long that she thought this was it for her. She describes it as a seriously scary experience. Craig was shaken by it as well. While on his mission, he sent her an instrumental song from the album Songs for the River by Roger Hoffman. He recorded his voice over it reenacting the event. It was somewhat funny because Craig has a sense of humor. But as a 17-year-old girl, I thought it was better than receiving roses. It really touched me – both the humor and his taking the time to express how much he cared for her.

Listening to Seminary Records in the 70s

Another experience with music was in the 70s when I was around six or seven years old. My older step-siblings brought home a record from seminary called Like Unto Us. I listened to it over and over again not because I understood what it was singing about but because of the way it made me feel. I remember experiencing this tingly feeling in my heart.

This was my favorite song on that album. It's a remake of the original: That We May Know 

Listening to EFY Cassette Tapes in the 80s

When I was a teenager in the 80s, our church group traveled by bus from San Jose, California to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah for a youth conference, which was like EFY for our entire stake. I went when I was fourteen and again when I was seventeen. These conferences consisted of activities, dances, and workshops. They brought so much light into my life. As a teen, I was never happier than when I went to them. 

Steven Kapp Perry spoke to us at the second Youth Conference. He was probably in his mid-20s or early 30s. He is the son of Janice Kapp Perry, an American composer, songwriter, and author. I listened to her music and sang (in a group) many of her songs for church activities like New Beginnings.

During Steven Kapp Perry’s presentation at our Youth Conference, he spoke and sang to us. He was beautiful! Everything about him attracted me. He believed in Jesus Christ and I could tell that he walked the talk. Spiritually, he was light. I bought his cassette tape from the BYU bookstore. 

On the way home to California, I listened to it over and over again. I could not get enough of it. I was worshipping God through the music. I wouldn’t have been able to describe it like that back then. I was just following my heart and it was filled with a powerfully strong Spirit. I remember being surprised when someone asked me to turn it off. I thought everyone loved it as much as I did. I did turn it off, but when I got home, I continued listening to this music as well as music from other Christian artists over and over again.

Worshipping Through Music

Throughout my years growing up, I did not like the idea of worshipping anyone. Even when I read about people worshipping in the scriptures, it seemed pretty awkward to me. But I didn’t understand what worship really was. I didn’t know that playing a certain artist’s music over and over again and taping up their pictures all over my walls was a type of worship. When I was thirteen, this is how much I loved Duran Duran and especially Simon LeBon.

I only started to recognize these things in 2006-8, when I came to understand that worshipping is an integral part of my happiness. I would have never thought that I needed and desired to do it. But I totally do. I just need to have someone worthy of my worship always in front of my eyes (both physical and spiritual).

And I’m not the one who decides who is worthy of it. My heart decides that. I can choose what I read, who I read about, what I listen to, what I look at, and what I watch, but I can’t force my heart to worship. It just does or doesn’t. I can definitely choose to search for the good in people and things. And what never fails to make my heart take flight is when I see Jesus Christ in them. Through experience, I have learned where I’m more likely to find Him.

Read more about worship: Why Worship?

Listening to Amy Grant CDs in the 90s

In college, my roommate Susan Lund introduced me to Amy Grant’s music. Amy Grant worships God in her music and I found an intense connection with it. For more than 30 years, I have been singing along with her. When my kids were babies I sang these songs to them. I went to her concert with a friend when she came to Denver in 1998. I sang every song with her. Amy Grant helped me develop stronger wings so I could worship God at a higher level. 

One of my favorite songs by her is Emmanuel. 

Listening to MP3s in the 2000s

As mentioned before, in 2006-08, I was studying the concept of worship for the first time. This is when I first realized that I was worshipping God through music. I then purposefully and knowingly used it to worship the Savior directly. Instead of just singing about him, I sang to him. As he was re-training me and teaching me higher-level relationship skills, I was so intensely grateful for the way he managed me and the way he loved me. It was seriously incredible. And I needed some way to release that appreciation, so I just sang to him. This brought me intense joy. 

When I was driving kids around, shopping, or running errands I started listening to the music my kids were listening to on the radio, and then I added certain MP3s to my iPod. There were a lot of really good songs that had come out between 2000 and 2006. They were like gold to me. I searched for the semantic meaning behind the lyrics and translated them in my mind and sometimes in my journal. I used them to worship the Savior. 

The intensity of his presence in my mind and heart increased dramatically throughout these years and as a result, what came out of me was this unique rejoicing-worship. The Reason by Hoobastank is an example of one of these 2000s songs.

The Reason

That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you…

Listening to Music on Spotify in the 2020s

The song I have been listening to over and over again for the past two weeks on Spotify that just popped up in the "Recommended Songs" one day is called, Just Another Day by Jon Secada. I recognized it from the 90s, but this is the first time I really paid attention to it. I literally can't listen to it too many times. That only happens with a few songs. 

I translated this love song into a worship song. The semantic message I’m communicating to the Savior and that he’s echoing back to me is that my work/life balance is getting off again. I’ve been spending too much time on work and school and not enough on our relationship. If I don’t take enough time for this, I start feeling lonely even if I’ve been interacting with a ton of other people.

Just Another Day

(Mornings are long)

(When you come home, I breathe a little faster)

Every time we’re together

It’d never be the same

If you're not here

How can you stay away?

Away, so long?

Why can't we stay together?

Just give me a reason, give me a reason

'Cause I, I don't wanna say it

I don't wanna find another way

Make it through the day without you

I can't resist

Trying to find exactly what I missed

It's just another day without you

It's just another day

Making the time

(Find the right lines)

To make you stay forever

What do I have to tell you?

I'm just trying to hold on to something

(Trying to hold on to something good) 

Give us a chance to make it

To make it

Don’t wanna hold on to never

I'm not that strong, I'm not that strong!

I don't wanna say it

I don't wanna find another way

Make it through the day without you

Precious as Diamonds

Every song he has used to communicate with me is more precious than diamonds. And the songs keep coming. They literally spiritually nourish my spirit like food nourishes my body. 

I know that music is important to a lot of people and that many are using it in the same way I have been. To those who are struggling with their communication relationship with God, I hope that this post gives greater evidence to the fact that this is a powerful way to communicate with Him. 

Listen for the messages he is sending you through the songs you listen to. Then translate them to represent the stories you are walking through with the people in your life (Spin the Lyrics). Allow your heart to express the love you're feeling for your spouse, your kids, your friends, and especially for God. Your admiration and gratitude for them will turn into Sustainable Joy.

“For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.” -D&C 25:12

Where Had Jesus Grown Up?

In May of 2014, I went to Egypt, Jordan, and Israel with a Christian tour group. 

While touring through Israel, our guide Ruthie had us on the lookout for small fuzzy creatures that were native to Africa and the Middle East. She had a name for them, but I can’t remember it. She told us that it was rare to catch a glimpse of them, but we all hoped we would.

We visited a vast grove of date trees south of Jerusalem. The bus driver made a couple of loops around the area in hopes of seeing some of the animals, but we didn’t even see one.

A few days later we were in the more northern parts of Israel around Nazareth and Mount Hermon. Traffic was heavy in the city of Nazareth. It was crowded and full of modern-day buildings, cars, and ornate churches. A couple thousand years of history was built on top of what once was a remote village nestled into the hills above the large fertile Jezreel Valley. I wanted to visualize what life would have been like in this place where Christ grew up. Some archaeologists believe Nazareth was very small back in the first century with something like 400 people.

I really wanted to get a feel for the home where Jesus had grown up, but it wasn’t happening. Yet I kept praying for it and holding out hope. 

We continued moving north in the following days and visited Caesarea Philippi, the place in the New Testament where Jesus asked his disciples, “Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?” (Matthew 16:13-20)

After we visited the grotto area and talked about this event in Jesus’ life, the tour guide allowed us to explore the area on our own. Normally when we explored, we stayed together, but this was a place with short hikes and trails. So, this time I felt safe enough to go on my own.

I turned my mind to the Lord’s like usual and he immediately pointed me to a pathway that led up into a little forested area. I just followed him. After crossing over the creek on a wooden bridge (see the image at the top of the blog), I hiked up the side of the bluff. I was the only one who had gone this way. The pathway didn’t seem to be “well-travelled”. 

When I got to the top, I saw them – more than a half dozen of the elusive fuzzy creatures we had been searching for! They were nested in the trees and the crevices of a rocky outcropping. There were a couple of mamas with babies. It was delightful! 

I later found them online. They are called Hyraxes. They live in parts of Africa and the Middle East in forested areas, vegetation zones, and areas with large rock outcrops. They eat mostly leaves, twigs, fruit, bark, and grass. Their feet are equipped with rubbery pads, which allow them to climb trees very quickly and jump great distances (Treehouses).

I walked quietly and cautiously through the trees so I wouldn’t scare them. A couple of mamas hissed at me. I took some pictures so I could show the rest of the group when I got back, but I was thankful that I could experience this peaceful sacred place alone with Him. I wondered if this less trodden place, away from the ornate churches, was more like the place where he grew up. I wondered if these animals were around when he lived in the area. Whatever the case, I knew he was answering my prayer. He had brought me to a quiet place in nature to catch a glimpse of him.

Differentiating Between The Thoughts In My Head

Perfectionism: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

I remember feeling similar to the girl in the video behind the above link. It was during a time that I was actively striving to live my life better. Previous to this time period, I often looked in the mirror, listened, and agreed with a voice in my head that said, “You are so fat and ugly.” Consequently, I didn’t feel very good about myself. 

During this same time I was in the habit of reacting to people when there were conflicts in our relationships. But through the grace of God (literally) and his personal training, I was making improvements. 

However, one day, I had a bad day. Regression. I was on my bed thinking about what an awful person I was. I thought that even though I was trying to improve, I would never be the person I wanted to be. My continuous mistakes and my imperfect past made it impossible. Because I hadn’t grown up making all of the right choices from the beginning, I would never truly be valuable. 

My thoughts said to me, “Who are you kidding? You will never be who you want to be.” 

But at the same time another voice in my head was evaluating these thoughts. This part said that the first voice was not only attacking me but also Jesus Christ. To assert that I could not change myself for the good, was an indirect attack on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This voice was basically saying that Jesus Christ was not powerful enough to enable me to change and become everything that I desired to become.

I responded something like this, “What the heck! You are right!”

Then I turned to the first voice and said, “You can attack me all day and I might believe it’s true. But when you attack Jesus Christ and tell me he doesn’t have the power to make something beautiful out of me then you give yourself away. I know who you are and you are completely wrong. Leave!”

That was a life changing experience for me. I remember thinking that I would never hang out with someone who was putting me down all the time. I would choose to separate myself from someone who degraded me, instead of constructively helped me achieve my goals. So why would I choose to entertain such mean thoughts about myself? 

Knowing I have the responsibility to choose which thoughts to accept and which ones to reject has been powerful for me. Stopping them early before they suck me into a black hole I can’t easily get out of has been a very important skill to learn. Fighting for my Savior first gives me the strength to fight for myself. 

This has made all the difference in how I feel about my personal worth. Actively choosing to listen to, entertain, and believe appreciative thoughts about myself and receiving respectful constructive training as well as empathetic kind words makes me a happy person. When I am a happy person I have an easy time appreciating, respecting, and being kind and empathetic to others.

Consider the Source

Recently, I have learned about three adults who conspired together to kill four people. Two were their spouses and two were their children. In wondering how any person, especially a mother, could commit such an act of horror, I read some articles on the case and watched an interview of the mother’s friend who was not in on the murders, but who witnessed the backstory.

I found out that they believed they were doing it in the name of Jesus Christ. They murdered innocent children in his name. They murdered their spouses in his name. They said they received their instructions via personal revelation. That means they believed they were receiving their instructions from God.

They said that they had been told that they were key players in preparing the world for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. And they apparently believed that role included a Hitler-like elimination of people who were not worthy to continue living. They had concocted a twisted backstory, which they said was revealed to them from spiritual sources, which justified their heinous deeds as merciful and necessary sacrifices.

“Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” ~Lord Farquad quote from the movie Shrek

So when people do horrifying things like this in the name of Jesus Christ, claiming they are receiving their guidance from God, it causes fear and prejudice against religion in general and against the practice of receiving personal revelation from God. 

There have been many groups throughout history who have exterminated an individual or group of people and claimed that they were doing it in God’s name. One example is the early Catholic Church’s inquisitions. The inquisitors put innocent people through an unjust trial and then burned  them at the stake in the name of Christ. Ironically, the people they killed were the real people standing for Christ such as Joan of Arc, William Tyndale, and John Huss (Jan Hus). 

Hitler and his NSDAP Nazi party is another example. They attempted to cleanse their country of subhumans similar to the ideology of the Daybell/Vallow people in the news story I have been reading about. The “Nazi regime was responsible for the genocide of about 6 million Jews and millions of other victims whom [Hitler] and his followers deemed Untermenschen (subhumans) or socially undesirable” (Wikipedia). The Nazis may not have murdered people in the name of God, but it was in the name of what they believed was good and true. They asserted their actions improved their community relationships.

Additionally, in the times of John Wycliffe (early 1300s), John Huss (late 1300s) and Martin Luther (1500s), the Catholic popes sent out armies to force people to adopt their “Christian” religion. If they would not, they killed them.

I think this is one of the most disturbing and alarming behaviors I have ever contemplated. To commit crime, sin, and murder in the name of Jesus Christ is the most monstrous thing I can think of. It's important to me as a follower of Jesus Christ that non-Christians know that there are people and spirits masquerading as Christians but are not really Christians at all.

I think the Daybell/Vallow people really thought they were being guided by God. And I think they did reach for the spiritual world. And I think that some people have a greater awareness of that spiritual world than others. They have a gift. But that doesn’t mean they are necessarily good at discerning the good from the evil spirits that are in that world. Many of these people with this gift struggle with boundaries. Because they have such a high degree of tolerance, empathy, and compassion for others, they want to accept all things as good, right, and true.

Considering the source is about using light and knowledge to discern between good and evil. 

In the physical world, without light, there would be no sight. This same principle is true in the spiritual world.

I found the following quote about light from a website called the Physics Classroom.

“[In the absence of sunlight during the night, and in the absences of] a porch light or a street light, the neighbor's house can no longer be seen; the grass is no longer green, but rather black; the leaves on the trees are dark; and were it not for the headlights of the car, it would not be seen approaching the intersection. Without luminous objects generating light that propagates through space to illuminate non-luminous objects, those non-luminous objects cannot be seen. Without light, there would be no sight.”

Physical light allows us to differentiate one object from another. I’m attempting to use spiritual light to differentiate one way of doing things from another. By more closely evaluating the two very different spiritual sources who are trying to influence us, we can defeat the fear that the Daybell/Vallow people introduced. Setting them side by side to examine the motives, the actual type of counsel received, and the consequences, is shining light upon them to see how they are different from Christians truly receiving guidance from God.

“But, O my people, beware lest there shall arise contentions among you, and ye list to obey the evil spirit” (Mosiah 2:32).

I think it is crucial that we understand that there are two sides to the spirit world and both are trying to influence us. And the evil side is usually trying to masquerade as the good side. Our responsibility is to differentiate between them, discover the masquerade, and choose which ideas we believe are good, right, and true.

So the reason this whole thing shook me is that the Daybell/Vallow people are treading on my personal beliefs in Jesus Christ, in God, in the kingdom of heaven, in angels, and in personal revelation from God. I believe in miracles. I believe in personal revelation. I believe in guidance from heaven. I believe in angels. I believe in God.

These people had the same belief, and claimed that they were connected up to the same God I listen to. The result was they murdered innocent people.

I don’t know about you, but this scared me and has caused me to feel awful and confused. This motivated me to shine the bright light upon the evidence and consider the sources. What these people said and did threatens to undermine something that is foundational to my religious beliefs. So I have to differentiate between what is good and what is evil here. Here’s what the light reveals:

When Jesus asked his disciples who men thought he was, his disciples answered that some people thought he was John the Baptist, Elijah, or Jeremiah reincarnated. Others thought he was a prophet in general. 

Then Jesus asked them, “But whom say ye that I am?” 

Simon Peter answered, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Then Jesus told Simon Peter that he came to this truth through personal revelation, which had been revealed to him by his “Father which is in heaven.”

Jesus then said that he builds his church upon this rock – personal revelation – “and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.”

(Matthew 16:13-18)

Frederick Farrar discusses these verses in his biography of Christ: “It was the revealed fact, that they only can acknowledge [who and what Christ is] who are led thereto by the Spirit of God. It told mankind for ever that not by earthly criticisms, but only by heavenly grace, can the full knowledge of that truth be obtained.”

(The Life of Christ by Frederick Farrar, p372)

These two sources make it clear that personal revelation is powerful evidence that enables us to discern between truth and error and should not be discounted.

The following verse from the Book of Mormon reaffirms that being open to personal revelation is a safe and secure way of determining what is true.

“For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.” ~2 Nephi 32:5

The next verse adds that we should also study the word of God in combination with listening to the Holy Ghost. 

“Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” ~2 Nephi 32:3

Much of my own personal revelation has come to me in the form of the scriptures I know and have studied throughout the years. Verses are brought to the front of my mind when I pray for answers.

After learning about the Daybell/Vallow case, fear might drive us to believe that yielding to ALL spiritual direction is dangerous. That is evaluating the situation in the dark, without light. Differentiating between the kind of spirit they chose to listen to and the kind of spirit I choose to listen to is using light to differentiate between good and evil.

The scriptures indicate that there are two separate parties of influencers in the spiritual world. Here’s one example that contrasts them:

“And when they shall say unto you: Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep and mutter—should not a people seek unto their God for the living to hear from the dead?” ~2 Nephi 18:19 (a nearly identical verse is found in Isaiah 8:19).

Thoughts and ideas are continuously presented to our minds from external physical and spiritual sources. Some are good and others are evil. There is a gradient of spiritual sources between these two extremes. We have been given the choice to differentiate between the good and the evil. We don’t want to believe everything we hear from other people and neither do we want to believe everything that is presented to our minds from spiritual sources just because we acknowledge it is a spiritual source. We have to be on our guard to filter through these things. We have brains. We can use them. And we have hearts, which we can also use.

And let’s keep it real. Why search for crazy weird things? Why not seek out the answers to our relationship conflicts? Why not seek for ways to obtain Sustainable Joy, which is God’s (not Satan’s) desire for us? 

I have used the gift of personal revelation to figure out how I could become a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and member of my community. How could I better respond to the inevitable conflicts that arise in relationships? How could I control my knee-jerk reactions? How could I work with my kids to help them overcome their imbalanced behaviors and ways of doing things? The answers I received always included faith in Jesus Christ. This is faith that even though things may not be perfect now, if I choose to keep my own behavior in balance, and endure conflicts without responding with selfishness, and seek to empathize instead of hate, the end result will be good even if I have to wade through temporary times of sorrow and less than ideal circumstances.

Out of all of the thoughts and ideas that enter our mind, we decide which ones we will entertain and which ones we will NOT.  Just because they enter our mind does not mean they are thoughts that belong to us.  The ones we DECIDE to accept as true become our thoughts. If we’re unsure that a thought is good, we can study it out, do some research, and pay attention to our heart. 

Our heart verifies what is good, true, beautiful, meaningful, right, and of God. Our heart will also warn us when something is bad, evil, selfish, ugly, meaningless, wrong, and of the devil. This verification effect occurs while we engage in the research process. Sometimes we have to test ideas out, put them into action, in order to accurately assess their truth. When we continue to pay attention to our hearts, we will know if what we are thinking, saying, or doing is good or evil.

“For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.” ~Moroni 7:15

“Two indicators that a feeling or prompting comes from God are that it produces peace in your heart and a quiet, warm feeling” ~Elder Richard G. Scott

Daybell and Vallow chose to listen to spiritual voices that taught them to elevate themselves in pride and see other people as subhumans or zombies whom they prayed would be eliminated (die) or whom they personally eliminated (killed). 

Others of us have chosen to listen to voices in combination with the scriptures that have taught us empathy, humility, confidence, and gratitude –ways of thinking that teach us conflict resolution, mercy, and promote compatibility in our relationships.

My experience with the voices in my head have been accompanied by peace in my heart and a quiet, warm feeling. This is often very intense. I can’t make myself feel this way. When I start thinking, speaking, or behaving with pride, selfishness, or hatred, I can’t keep this feeling inside me. It leaves. So I can differentiate the daylight from the darkness.

The following counsel is in section 8 in the Doctrine and Covenants:

“Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart. Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation; behold, this is the spirit by which Moses brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground. Therefore this is thy gift; apply unto it, and blessed art thou, for it shall deliver you out of the hands of your enemies, when, if it were not so, they would slay you and bring your soul to destruction.”

And in a previous section, it says:

“Blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instructions of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time. Behold thou knowest that thou hast inquired of me and I did enlighten thy mind; and now I tell thee these things that thou mayest know that thou hast been enlightened by the Spirit of truth.” ~D&C 6:14-15

These scriptures ground my faith in personal revelation. Even though the Daybell/Vallow people misused this gift, it doesn’t mean relying upon personal revelation is dangerous and wrong. We are required to shine the light and consider the source.

Because I have studied the scriptures and searched for general truth for so many years and have experienced the confirmation of the Holy Ghost in regards to those general truths, I am able to discern the feelings that come into my heart when I receive more specific revelation for my personal life.

I strive to be wide awake when it comes to differentiating between truth and error. But one of the ways I’ve been tempted is by flattering and prideful thoughts and ideas. I’ve had to learn that these taste different from the true peace and joy that comes from the Holy Ghost, the Savior, and the Father. The pride feels good in the moment. It seems to be on my side, but with experience and practice I have come to understand that it is no friend of mine. Still, I have to be always on my guard to identify these pride thoughts because they are often very sneaky.

This is where I believe the Daybell/Vallow people initially got tripped up. They believed that they were key players in preparing the way for the Second Coming of the Lord. That thought in itself is not wrong. We are all generally encouraged to be key players – to do what we can to prepare ourselves, our families, and our communities for the Second Coming of the Lord. We want him to come. We want to be ready when he does. This is a good thing.

But the Daybell/Vallow people seemed to twist that role and see it as a prideful-top-of-the-pyramid role. They saw themselves as smarter, more righteous, intelligent, and knowledgeable than others. They looked down upon the Untermenschen (subhumans) around them.

I just want to point out that having knowledge, resources, abilities, and talents doesn’t profit us or anyone unless we use them for good.

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal."

Though the Daybell/Vallow people may have indeed obtained some valuable knowledge about the second coming, if they didn’t use it to develop their charity…

“And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing."

And though they may have had the gift of the awareness of spirits and understood some of the mysteries of God, if they didn’t seek to cultivate charity in their hearts…

it profited them absolutely nothing.

(1 Corinthians 13:1-8)

In other words, if we’re trying to obtain knowledge, even if it is scriptural knowledge, for the sake of being better than other people, becoming popular, thinking ourselves above other people, and not for the purpose of applying it to help others, to improve our relationships with God, our spouse, our family and our community, to love people with this Charity (as defined in 1st Corinthians 13), then it profits us absolutely nothing.

IF the Daybell/Vallow people were receiving their guidance from heaven and applying the truths of the scriptures to their personal improvement and to the development of compatible relationships, they would have had charity, charity for their fellowmen and especially charity for their children.

After shining the light on this conflict, I understand the difference between their source and mine. My faith in God has increased and I feel balanced again.

The Chosen

I’ve been watching The Chosen series, co-written and directed by Dallas Jenkins, which is one of the largest crowd-funded multi-media productions ever to be made, and it is about the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. I watched the first few episodes last year, but just got the app and watched the complete first season this last weekend with my daughter.

Since watching, I’ve been thinking about the concept of swimming against the tides and norms of certain predominant groups in society.

One of the predominant groups of society in Jesus’s day was the Pharisees. This was a group of people who lived in a specific way - an ascetic way. But even within that group of people there were differences between them. Dallas Jenkins highlights these differences. It’s interesting to see them and how the individuals within a group deal with the differences that they begin to recognize within themselves when they begin to hear about Jesus Christ and interact with him.

In the beginning of each episode there is an artistic representation of the theme of the entire series. This is also used as The Chosen logo (see the image for this post). There are fish swimming along in one direction and then one turns around, changes color, and starts swimming in the opposite direction. This is a metaphoric representation of the differences in the way each person obtains needs and resolves conflicts. It represents his/her values, beliefs, motivations, intentions, etc. The first fish that turns passes other fish that turn around and follow him. They now swim in the opposite direction, against the traditional way, against the obvious direction that everyone else is swimming.

What a beautiful way to represent the conflict Jesus Christ and those who followed him experienced. This was the predominant theme of his life. He said to his disciples, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” The response of the disciples, being metaphoric fish themselves: They “straightway left their nets, and followed him” (Matthew 4:19-20). They straightway left the way the groups they had previously belonged to, the way they had been obtaining their needs and resolving their conflicts, their previous values, beliefs, motivations, and intentions, to follow Jesus Christ and his way of doing things.

The traditions of many of the groups of people in that day such as the Pharisees, Publicans (publicani or tax collectors), lawyers, scribes, Sadducees, Essenes, and Romans were swimming in a direction opposite to the direction Jesus Christ swam. This way of swimming resulted in overwhelming sorrow and conflict in the lives of the people, especially the poor. It would eventually (as history has proven time after time) lead to war, bondage, and overwhelming enforced physical and spiritual hardships for everyone. In short, it always leads to community failure.

In The Chosen series, we haven’t seen the general character of Publicans (tax collectors) in that day. They were often correctly accused of extortion – taking more taxes from the Jews than Herod or the Romans required. This they did for their own benefit. It would be good to see these types of people to understand the general prejudice against Matthew, who is one of the main characters of the series. Matthew was swimming against the traditional tide of publicani because he didn’t cheat the people as most of them did. Yet, it was still true that the Jews hated any man who even worked as a tax-gatherer. They didn't take the time to differentiate between someone who performed his job honestly and someone who performed it dishonestly. All publicani were excommunicated from their synagogues, making them outcasts from their society. Matthew was swimming against this tide of rejection as well. He didn’t belong to the group of extortionists tax collectors, but neither did he belong to his Jewish community.

The Romans are another group represented in The Chosen series. Even though they all wore the same uniform, worked as soldiers and leaders of the Roman government, and had some general characteristics in common, there were differences among them. There were Romans who used their position to take advantage of other people and to hurt them. They did this to obtain their own desires and resolve their own conflicts at the expense of the desires and needs of others. But there were also Romans who almost reluctantly performed their duties for Rome, while finding ways to help the Jews with their desires and needs. In short, there were jerk Romans and there were good Romans.

I love how Dallas Jenkins depicts these groups and the individual variations within them. Within any larger group of fish who generally swam in one direction, there were some who were unwilling to follow traditions of selfishness and hate. They were unwilling to manipulate the variables within their circle of influence to get ahead. They were unwilling to take advantage of their neighbor where they could. Instead, they were people who may have been born into certain general groups, or who happened to belong to a general group in which many of the members chose this ascetic or survival of the fittest way of living, but they themselves chose to sacrifice for love. These were the fish swimming against the traditions of their community.

During His life, Jesus Christ is the main source of the sudden and powerful increase of a counterclockwise movement. There is a song that plays in one of the episodes called Trouble that describes the conflicting results of swimming counterclockwise to the group we belong to. Trouble. When we swim counterclockwise to the traditions of the group we belong to, there is trouble. There is conflict. It is hard. Much harder than continuing to swim right along with everyone else. So even though Jesus brought a message of eternal peace and the means by which we can obtain compatible relationships and sustainable joy, the initial result was trouble. So paradoxical.

I have to mention here that the opposite situation can also occur. There have been many communities and societies throughout history that predominantly were choosing kindness, compassion, caring, and sacrificing for love, but individuals have chosen to swim against that tide in selfishness. Many in Jesus's day continued to swim against him even though he proved through his miracles that everlasting life was in his hands and could be obtained through his way of living. 

So we can’t think that causing trouble and swimming counterclockwise in general is a sign of truth, correctness, and goodness, which promotes sustainable joy. Going against the norms of society is only effective if a society is predominantly ascetic and hedonistic. Since this was the case in Jesus’ day, his swimming in the opposite direction was amazingly beautiful! The subsequent trouble he experienced was a sacrifice he endured in order to achieve paradoxical results. And I LOVE, admire, and worship him for that! I seriously can't help it.

To swim clockwise or counterclockwise, that is the question.

So this is where the trouble for Jesus and his followers came from: On the one hand ascetics like the Pharisees believed they were the epitome of righteousness. They were leaders of their society and advocated extremist sacrificial behaviors. They proposed a game in which success was about being more extreme in the keeping of their “grandiose system of revered commentary and pious custom[s]” (Farrar, The Life of Christ, p.340) than another. Those that studied the law in the elitist schools knew more than the common people and considered themselves above everyone else. If anyone had something counterclockwise to say or argue and did not have the titles and certifications that the Pharisees had, they were totally disregarded or belittled. In fact, they also disregarded and belittled those within their group that proposed counterclockwise ideas that favored Jesus and his teachings, as was seen with Nicodemus. The group prided themselves in performing the minutia of meaningless rituals and trained the multitude of people to “ look up to them as little gods” (ibid.). Ascetics. Motivated by pride and envy.

Ascetics give people who believe in God a bad name. If people blindly group all people who believe in God in this type of category, which they totally have throughout the centuries, then prejudice against religion and the counterclockwise lifestyle results in the hedonistic counterclockwise lifestyle with its paradoxical fatalities. Religion and asceticism are often seen as synonymous. This is caused by a lack of differentiation between extremist holier-than-thou sacrifice behavior and the true sacrifice of a person who deeply and sincerely loves God and others, who trusts that giving up certain things that feel good in the moment or for a while will result in the obtainment of ethereal relationships, conditions, and experiences which cannot be obtained in any other way.

On the other hand, there were those that lived hedonistic lives in which they indulged themselves in the pleasures of the body to keep themselves afloat from day to day. Many, not having a chance to win the game the Pharisees presented, resorted to this other type of game. Success was about obtaining money, nice clothes, large houses, advancement, authority, position, land, or titles. It was also about just finding the next scrap of food, escaping extreme sorrows, and keeping warm for the night. Real conditions of disadvantage often lead the desperate soul into hedonism (indulgent pleasure) -alcoholism, misuse of drugs and intimacy and time, taking advantage of others, manipulating, cheating, stealing, robbing, and breaking the rules (that paradoxically lead to sustainable relationships) when no one was looking. Most did it blindly, not knowing what they were actually giving up. They were doing it just to survive the day.

I love how Jesus Christ entered this community of fish flowing in different directions. He presented yet another game to play, but this one aimed for sustainable success in relationships with each other. That was how it was won. It was played by sincerely loving - voluntary sacrifice. Turning the other cheek. Loving the enemy. Patience, kindness, long-suffering, Charity. He swam against the ascetic and hedonistic tides at the same time by introducing the love he personally offered. He said this love was at hand - available and ever-accessible to everyone, poor, rich, bond, free, male, or female. It was obtainable by everyone, regardless of the group they had initially belonged to - Pharisee, Roman, publican, Essene, as long as they exercised their Faith in Him - his way of obtaining desires and resolving conflicts. 

This Faith was about voluntarily giving up their ascetic and hedonistic ways (which hurt other people and created increasing and virulent conflict for themselves and the community) for Christ's way. Christ's way was about loving their family and community members as they would be loved. Instead of spending their time thinking about all the things they needed and wanted others to do for them, they should spend their time thinking about how they could meet the real needs of others. This was not about denying that they did have needs -real needs, important needs. Denial was asceticism. It was about waiting. It was about the whole timing of the way they went about obtaining and resolving. Paradoxically, the promise was that as they pursued helping others obtain their desires, their needs and wants would be taken care of. The promise was that their Savior Himself would make sure of that. That's what I believe the word Savior means. But he warned that it was also true that there would be a temporary time period when they would suffer for others. It would be a sacrifice. And it would hurt. But he said that in giving up their life, they would find it. If they sacrificed and hurt out of love and made it voluntary and purposeful, the intensity of their love would increase. The degree of how much they could love would increase. They would actually experience this in their soul. It was ethereal -the kingdom of heaven was at hand. It would be intense and sustainable. The attraction in their relationships would grow instead of wane. Personal and community success would be the end result.

All of this was difficult to communicate, to explain, to convince, to win their faith. This way of swimming required a leap of faith because of the initial suffering of the sacrifice. It was totally counterclockwise. And it created so much TROUBLE.

“He who is near me is near the fire! he who is far from me is far from the kingdom” (Farrar quoting Didymus in Ps. who is describing the paradoxical conflict that belongs to everyone who follows Jesus Christ, ibid. p356).

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The Life of Christ by Frederick Farrar

Could Jesus Really Be Tempted?

Did Jesus have the capacity to be tempted? Or was he so powerful that any temptation didn't even phase him?

I’m reading “The Life of Christ” by Frederic W. Farrar again. On pages 116-118 he’s writing about Jesus’s temptations in the wilderness which are described in Matthew 4 and Luke 4. Apparently, there has been some debate on whether Jesus could be tempted since he was a perfect being. Farrar argues that he was vulnerable to temptation just as we are.

“Some, in a zeal…have claimed for Him not only an actual sinlessness, but a nature to which sin was divinely and miraculously impossible. What then? If His great conflict were a mere deceptive phantasma-goria, how can the narrative of it profit us? If we have to fight the battle clad in the armor of human free-will which has been hacked and riven about the bosom of our fathers by so many a cruel blow, what comfort is it to us if our great Captain fought not only victoriously, but without real danger; not only uninjured, but without even a possibility of wound? Where is the warrior’s courage, if he knows that for him there is but the semblance of a battle against the simulacrum* of a foe?...They who would [describe him like this] rob us of our living Christ, who was very man no less than very God, and substitute for Him a perilous Apollinarian** phantom enshrined ‘in the cold empyrean*** of theology,’ and alike incapable of kindling devotion, or of inspiring love” (pg. 116).

* a representation or imitation of a person or thing
**philosophy that Jesus did not have a human mind or soul
***philosophy in which heaven is composed of the pure element of fire

How would our Savior be able to empathize with us in our own struggle against temptation if he had no capability of being tempted? Without having experienced this struggle himself, would he be able to understand what we feel and truly empathize with us?

As I was reading through these pages and pondering on Farrar’s point with which I am in complete agreement, I saw that temptation can only exist when we have made a commitment to proleptically sacrifice certain things or relationships with certain people. I picked up the word proleptic from Farrar. It describes the motives behind our sacrifice. We sacrifice in anticipation of “a future promised act or development as if it presently existed or already has been accomplished” (Dictionary).

When we make this kind of commitment, we become vulnerable to temptation. We sacrifice something good, which is often more tempting because it is actually good, for something better. When we make commitments, opportunity costs are created. We are saying that we are willing to accept those costs in order to obtain something better -the thing or relationship we want more than anything else. And what we usually want is someone else’s commitment to us. We’re willing to keep our long-game commitments to someone who is willing to keep his long-game commitments to us.

So, from this understanding, we can see how Christ would have been tempted above all the rest of us. His commitment to wait for his reward, for his needs to be met, for the fulfillment of his personal desires, was beyond every other person’s commitment that has ever lived. His long-game is seriously long. Many of us have made very long long-game commitments. Because Jesus' commitment to us was and is longer, he is able to support us through our extended trials.

This isn’t a competition. Someone had to put his own life on hold in order for the rest of us to obtain our desires and resolve our conflicts. And we, in turn, put our own lives on hold to a certain degree for others. But we don’t have to put it on hold for as long as our Savior has.

I think it’s easy for us to forget that Jesus’ life was his own just as much as our lives are our own. This was his chance on earth. His time to seize the day. He was given his agency to choose how he would live his life just as much as we have been given ours. Because that was true, we can see how the temptations to take what he wanted and needed would have been pretty intense. He had the power to take it. But he used his agency to choose to wait…wait for us. And as he did this, he experienced long-term suffering throughout his entire life.

We know he was not only a God but a good, healthy, balanced man.  His desires would have been for the basic necessities of life as well as for sustainable compatible relationships in marriage, family, and community. Most of us are not required to sacrifice these things. We’re encouraged to strive to obtain them. Some of us have been required to sacrifice them. Our Savior did too so he is able to empathize with us, which comforts our souls beyond any other resolution process. His sacrifice was meant to enable us to obtain our desires and resolve our conflicts. If we will follow his guidance in regards to our own proleptic sacrifices and receive his atoning proleptic sacrifice we will obtain the basic necessities of life as well as sustainable compatible relationships in marriage, family, and community in the long-game. It’s so proleptic!

"For as we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin." ~Hebrews 4:15

Living Water

This post is the sequel to the following posts:

What's Your Problem?

The Parable of the Broken Sprinkler

One of the physical concepts Jesus used as a metaphor to describe the value of developing our relationship with him was our continuous need for living water in order to sustain our life. Our Savior said to a Samaritan woman at a well,

“If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.”

She responded, “Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?” ~John 4:10-11

The following video reenacts this conversation:



What is the living water Christ was talking about? And is it really as valuable as water is to our body and to the earth?



Elder Jeffrey R. Holland talks about relationship between the vine, its branches, and its fruit as a metaphor to our relationship with the Savior in the following video:



If we have spiritual wasp nests within our Personal Framework that are cutting us off from His water supply (his vine), we aren’t going to be receiving that peace in adequate amounts. We are going to feel dry, parched, and like we’re not getting enough no matter how hard we are working.

Understanding the Metaphor
Water for my lawn = Living Water that the Savior has available in satisfying abundance for us

Sprinkler System = Our Personal Framework of ideas, theories, beliefs that usually include truths, partial truths, and falsehoods

Wasp Nest in the Irrigation Valve Box = Biofilms in our Organ Systems = partial truths and falsehoods = random disorders that disconnect true understanding, beliefs, and practices

This next video continues explaining what Spiritual Wasp Nests are and how they prevent us from receiving adequate amounts of our Savior's Living Water.



In the next blog post, we'll talk about how Toxic Shame and Toxic Blame can be some of those Pathogenic Microbes in a spiritual biofilm or wasp nest that prevent the standard resolution processes from healing our relationship problems with God and others.

The Parable of the Broken Sprinkler

I did this blog post on a video and had a lot of fun making it. This is the sequel to the last post, "What's Your Problem?".

What's Your Problem?

It was midsummer. I noticed some sections of the front lawn were looking brown. This was my first year in my house in Utah so I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe it was due to the stifling summer heat. Maybe regular watering wasn’t enough. In these scorching conditions I was willing to put up with an imperfect lawn rather than overuse water. Still, it had been doing well up until recently.

I let it go for another couple of days before noticing the problem was getting worse. I walked around my property and observed that other areas of lawn were as green as ever. That was when I realized there must be a problem with my sprinklers. On the sprinkler control panel, I tested out each station. Three stations worked, five were not working at all. This was valuable data from which I could form a conclusion: A malfunctioning sprinkler system was the cause of the brown grass. This led me to other questions: What was the cause of the sprinkler system not working? They were all functioning at the beginning of the summer. What had happened between then and now?

Believe it or not, the subject of this post is not so much about solving lawn and sprinkler mysteries. It’s about conflict resolution through the atonement of Jesus Christ. In order to do that more effectively, we need to understand how to apply what he has already told us about how to access his atoning power to solve our problems and obtain our desires within the boundaries that he has set. Most of my readers already know how to generally do this. My hope is to do what others have done for me: serve as your assistant when you’re struggling to apply what you know to a specific complicated conflict by describing my specific conflict resolution stories.

I do pray about home repair and improvement. The scriptures tell us to pray for our flocks and our crops of the fields (Alma 34:17-27). I see that as a metaphor for praying over my sprinkler system and lawn, my GFCI outlets and breaker boxes, and my trees and bushes. For example, I have a huge willow tree in my back yard that looked like it was dying last month. The top had lost a lot of leaves in a sudden strong windstorm. I love that tree and grieved over it, not knowing if I could do anything to save it. It took many years for it to grow into a Whomping-Willow-Beauty shade tree. It’s not something that can be replaced with money alone like a dishwasher or a lamp. So I prayed for it. I prayed with heart-felt desire every time I saw it. Much to my surprise and utter gratitude to God, within a few weeks I noticed the leaves on the top were growing back and it returned to full health. I'm sure my praying for it wasn't the only cause (independent variable) for its recovery but I do know that God cares about the things we care about so it is my practice to pray and act believing God and I are important independent variables in all my relationships and responsibilities.

But more important than houses and yards and trees, are our relationships with God and our family. I like to compare and contrast the systemic conflicts around my house with more intangible and sometimes complicated relationship conflicts. In doing so, I’ve learned more about resolving these conflicts through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

So let’s examine and apply the conflict with my lawn and sprinkler system. Through my own observations I knew that there was not a conflict a few weeks before, but now there was. Something had changed. I believed it was possible to find out what it was and had hope that I could fix it.  Similarly, if there was a time in our life when we were feeling just fine spiritually and emotionally and now we’re not, we can understand that something has happened to cause this change. If we believe that it is possible to find the cause and to repair it, we are believing in Jesus Christ and his atonement.

At this point it would have been good to pray for guidance. I can’t remember doing that for this particular conflict, but the scriptures say, “that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul” (2 Nephi 32:9). Whatever our investigation, we can begin it with a prayer so our Savior will guide us, our effort will be effective, and we will learn valuable lessons that can be applied to other areas of our life.

With my lawn, I took time to regularly make observations, which enabled me to become aware of the problem. Some sections of the grass were brown and others weren’t. Likewise, in our life, we need to make regular observations of our relationships. When conflicts arise, we note that there may be some relationships that are still working well but others that are not. We may feel balanced sometimes and at other times we don’t. We need to write down our observations as faithfully as a scientist. Identifying what is working and what is not is an integral step to solving the problem.

I was able to work on my lawn sprinkler conflict without having to keep a record of my observations, hypotheses, and conclusions. I didn’t write down my independent and dependent variables, keep a data table, or make a graph. But for more complicated problems, which have a tendency to confuse me, I have done this. Keeping an organized record reduces our chances of getting lost and experiencing an overwhelming degree of fear. Additionally, I show God how much I believe in resolution processes, how much I desire to resolve this particular conflict, and how much I value being a part of that process. As my part of the sacrifice, I put in time and effort to systematically do what I can to solve problems. It is my understanding that when we engage in conflict resolution processes with real intent, using the intelligence God has already given us, the atonement of Jesus Christ is at work.

The overall goal in conflict resolution is to identify the cause of conflict in a system which normally functions sustainably. The conflict is the thing we don’t desire to happen in a system yet it is happening anyway. It is causing the system to malfunction. Thus the goal is to search for the cause. We form an hypothesis. My first hypothesis was that the hot summer weather (independent variable) was causing the grass to die (dependent variable). I assumed it was a normal result for the grass to become dryer this time of year even though it was getting water. Since this was my first summer in this house, I didn’t know what to expect.

Correspondingly, we may form an hypothesis that the way we feel spiritually or emotionally is the way everyone feels. Or we may think a problem we’re experiencing is just a normal part of aging and there’s nothing we can do about it. We may also think that having ongoing conflicts in relationships is where all relationships end up over time. Since this is our first time on earth going through these challenges, being this age, and having these experiences, we most likely don’t know what to expect. We may initially think the only solution is to grin and bear it. While this may end up being the case, my opinion is that we shouldn’t settle for this solution until we have exhausted all others. We can know that settling for the grinning-and-bearing-it solution is not what the Lord would have us do if the problem increases in severity to the point we cannot continue living without going to unhealthy sources for sustainability. He said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30).

My second hypothesis was that the malfunctioning of my sprinkler system was the cause of the brown grass. I checked out the control panel. In the same way, when we look for causes that are within our control to change or set to rights, we are doing what the Savior instructed us to do when he said, “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother’s eye” (Matt 7:5). This is a general conflict resolution skill that can be applied to any situation. He instructs us to first examine what is within our agency to change or repair before we attribute the cause to sources outside of our control. These other sources may indeed be part of it, but if we make it our priority to fix what we are responsible for first, we either fix the problem or eliminate that variable as a cause in our investigation.  “And thus we see, that there was a time granted unto man to repent, yea, a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God” (Alma 42:4).

When I work to resolve conflicts around the house or yard I usually form a few hypotheses and choose the best one to test first. But it is critical that we test only one independent variable at a time and remember and/or record our findings. If we change more than one variable, we cannot be sure of the true cause of the conflict. Even if our shoot‘em-all-up approach works, we may someday end up with the same conflict again and still not know how to resolve it.

After verifying that the control panel was working just fine, I eliminated that variable as a cause. I then had to look for the cause behind that: In a sprinkler system, the control panel wires connect to the irrigation valve boxes. That was my next destination. Can you guess what was causing the problem yet? You probably have a hypothesis if you’ve had experience with your own sprinkler system. In the next post I’ll tell you what I found out while we analyze some more conflict resolution strategies.

For now, here’s a summary of the steps:
1. Pray for your property, physical and spiritual health (relationship with God), and your relationships with your spouse, children, extended family members, and community.
2. Make routine observations of each of these systems/relationships and keep an organized record.
3. If you notice a problem increasing in severity, start the conflict resolution process with a prayer, believing that you will find the cause and be able to fix it.
4. Estimate when the problem started to occur.
5. Make a list of the possible causes (your hypotheses), things that could have changed between the time it was functioning properly until now.
6. Test out one variable at a time in order to identify the problem or eliminate it as a cause
7. Record your data – what you find when you test your results (e.g. 3 out of 8 of my sprinklers were not working).