Living Water

This post is the sequel to the following posts:

What's Your Problem?

The Parable of the Broken Sprinkler

One of the physical concepts Jesus used as a metaphor to describe the value of developing our relationship with him was our continuous need for living water in order to sustain our life. Our Savior said to a Samaritan woman at a well,

“If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.”

She responded, “Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?” ~John 4:10-11

The following video reenacts this conversation:



What is the living water Christ was talking about? And is it really as valuable as water is to our body and to the earth?



Elder Jeffrey R. Holland talks about relationship between the vine, its branches, and its fruit as a metaphor to our relationship with the Savior in the following video:



If we have spiritual wasp nests within our Personal Framework that are cutting us off from His water supply (his vine), we aren’t going to be receiving that peace in adequate amounts. We are going to feel dry, parched, and like we’re not getting enough no matter how hard we are working.

Understanding the Metaphor
Water for my lawn = Living Water that the Savior has available in satisfying abundance for us

Sprinkler System = Our Personal Framework of ideas, theories, beliefs that usually include truths, partial truths, and falsehoods

Wasp Nest in the Irrigation Valve Box = Biofilms in our Organ Systems = partial truths and falsehoods = random disorders that disconnect true understanding, beliefs, and practices

This next video continues explaining what Spiritual Wasp Nests are and how they prevent us from receiving adequate amounts of our Savior's Living Water.



In the next blog post, we'll talk about how Toxic Shame and Toxic Blame can be some of those Pathogenic Microbes in a spiritual biofilm or wasp nest that prevent the standard resolution processes from healing our relationship problems with God and others.

The Parable of the Broken Sprinkler

I did this blog post on a video and had a lot of fun making it. This is the sequel to the last post, "What's Your Problem?".

I Hope You Dance

For the past eleven years I’ve been studying Jesus Christ almost as if it were my full time job. It hasn’t been so focused on memorizing trivial details or figuring out the exact timeline of the events of his life. Neither has it been focused on proving that the Gospels sync up or other arguable facts. It’s been more about trying to figure out his character. I’ve wanted to know who it is that I say I worship. And I’ve wanted to know why and how he did the things he did.

It’s been an amazing journey. The more I study him, the more I get him. I should say, the more He has allowed me to understand him. One of my favorite songs that I sing a lot in reference to how I feel about our Redeemer is “Nothing Compares 2U.”   But I have found that I’ve been wrong about no one else comparing.  Most do not but there are some who have some of his qualities and characteristics, thankfully!

Christ-like Characteristics
One of the side effects from my studies that I hadn't anticipated was that I notice his characteristics in other people, especially men. And when I do, something happens to my heart. It is involuntary. Observing people is voluntary but when I see a quality of Christ in them (which I confess is what I’m looking for), the rest is involuntary. I admire them. It pours out of my heart. Sometimes it’s more intense than others. I can’t help it.  I don’t have expectations of any return admiration or love. In fact I prefer to quietly honor them and just figuratively shake my head and say in my head, “Wow!  So amazingly beautiful!” It’s something I can’t really go up and tell them about because it is so powerful and, I believe, sacred. My hope is that it is somehow communicated to them spiritually and anonymously. At least that is what I pray for.

Sometimes I find the opportunity to communicate my opinion to them in an appropriate way. I do this because I know it’s hard to develop His characteristics. I want them to know they are definitely being noticed and are making a difference.  Yet, I know they are not being that way to get noticed.  “That’s what makes you beautiful!” If they were, it would kind of defeat the whole purpose. If I saw they were doing it just to 'be seen of men', my heart wouldn’t do anything. I admire when they use their strengths to help others because they sincerely care as Christ does for them. What my heart does is a confirmation, a validation. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one whose heart behaves in this way. 

It works like this: If they really are what I think they are then they will feel what I and others feel for them. If they are not, then my projected admiration passes them by and goes directly to our Savior.

“Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.” ~Matthew 6:1-4

“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only” ~James 1:22

Chris (rt) returning home, Aaron (lft) already returned, Matthew mission in progress now

RMs
I’m finding that one group of people my heart is especially susceptible to is return missionaries. More often than not my heart does what it does when I observe one of them. When my own sons (the two oldest) came home from their missions, I was so impressed with them. They became men out there. And by that I mean men of God. Men of Christ.

“…arise from the dust, my sons, and be men” ~2 Nephi 1:21

"Our missionaries serving throughout the world are beautiful examples of those who are truly ambitious for Christ." ~Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita, "Be Ambitious for Christ"

There is something about a young man who sacrifices two years of his life to serve the Lord and help others. They have His image in their countenance. It’s this look in their eyes that is confident (not prideful!) and humble (not shameful!) at the same time. Their focus is outward on others, not on themselves, yet they are also open to receiving the blessings others have to offer.

“Have ye received his image in your countenances?” ~Alma 5:14



David Archuleta is a prime example of the type of young man I'm talking about. He had established a lucrative musical career at a young age but he decided to put that on hold while he served a mission. I've watched a few videos of him on his mission and since he's returned. He has continued to use his talent to bless others but somehow he has avoided being corrupted by the pride of the world.  That in itself is one of the most beautiful feats I have ever seen.

Steadfastness
I believe the cause of Christ's image being in the countenance of these young men is because of their sacrifice. They spend these two years forgetting their life, serving the Lord, and loving the people. They endure a lot of rejection and disappointment but line upon line, they learn how to stay steadfast in Christ and love through it all. When they sacrifice like that they become beautiful. They can't help it.  

For our Savior, it didn’t matter what the scribes and Pharisees said or did to him. He just kept doing what his Father instructed him to do. This is one of my favorite qualities in him. One example of this is healing on the Sabbath. That act made the Jewish leadership very angry because they had created many detailed encumbering rules about keeping the Sabbath day holy which conflicted with God's laws. But he just kept doing it. 

Another example of standing steadfast is his common association with publicans and sinners, which the Jewish leadership didn’t like much either. They stayed away from such people and prided themselves on their self-exalted status. But our Savior continued his association with them anyway. It caused the higher ranking groups of his society to reject him, persecute him, and want to eliminate him. But he kept walking the pathway his Father laid out for him.

“Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his…” ~Mosiah 5:15

I Hope You Dance
My hope for my own sons and all of these other men of Christ who are getting home from their missions is that they won’t let that fire die out. I don’t want them to grow old and fat and boring and become spiritual dull slugs (#King Noah).

“Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.” ~Isaiah 6:10

This past week I've been listening to this song called, “I Hope You Dance” by LeeAnn Womack. That song pretty much sums up my hope for these boys/men (man-cubs).  And I spin the lyrics “I hope you dance” to mean:  I hope you will continue sacrificing, growing, and becoming more like Christ over time so that you can continue being the best thing ever for your (future) wives, children, and your communities.  I hope you don’t involve yourself in anything that will stunt your growth. I hope you see repentance as a gift and an opportunity, not an accusation.  I hope you will keep your balance in confidence and humility and always work to stay away from pride and envy. I hope you will maintain your allegiance to Christ when the going gets tough or when the going gets pretty boring, instead of turning to other things that could enslave you in the end. I hope you never lose sight of your mission goals even though you have to be concerned with making a living now and other temporal things. My prayers and my heart are with you. Stay beautiful!

Jesus Christ: Behold the Man!

by Liz Lemon Swindle

Well, I saved HIM for last (see Behold the Man!).  And it’s because he IS the King of all the rest.  What my heart does when I read about him, when I feel his presence, when I contemplate what he has done for me in my life—the personal application of what was done on the cross—is completely indescribable!!  I mean, I can describe it as I did with Joseph Smith and Elder Bednar; the feelings are similar.  But the capacity to receive these feeling steadily increased the more I spent time studying the life and mission of our Savior Jesus Christ.  Since I spend a much greater amount of time evaluating him than I do any other man, he basically owns my heart.

Listen

In the Father’s kingdom, Jesus Christ is the King of kings.  He knows how to create the human body and the earth so he would be a master physicist, geologist, meteorologist, biologist, doctor, etc.  But with all of this strength, talent, ability, there’s one thing that makes him different from all the top dogs of the world:  He is completely balanced in Paradoxical living.  That means that as a Cause he uses his strengths to serve others, lift them, balance them, heal them, rekindle the life in them, and teach them how to keep that life in them.  He doesn’t have one wit of pride but he is perfectly confident.  He doesn’t have one degree of envy but he is perfectly meek and humble.

Listen:  "This is the Christ" Elder James E. Faust

While on the earth he walked in steadfastness, doing all the things his Father commanded him to do.  When people disrespected him for it, he just kept on walking.  When people separated from him because of what he was or what he taught, he just kept on walking.  But not with a grudge on his shoulder.  He walked with purpose, with real love, and with empathy.

Listen: "You're Not Alone" by Red

He is merciful to those that do wrong but AT THE SAME TIME he feels every ounce of the injustice done to those they have injured.  He absorbs the demands of justice into himself, which is no easy task, and allows for each of us wrong-doers to be given MORE TIME to get our acts together.  Incremental Justice instead of total condemnation-right-now.  The conflict, the pull from both sides, the ability to balance himself between both the sinner and the injured is incredible!

The Mediator (select to see a youtube video)

He’s God.  But he’s also a man.  Steadfast, immovable, Summarized.  Yet he chooses to balance that with grace, flexibility, Expansion.  His voice is like no other!  The depth is...sigh.  And as a man he loves women.  He respects them, values them, and takes care of them.  In his time it was not socially accepted for a man to treat a woman with the same respect he would a man.  Jesus just walked right past that sign and talked to whichever woman he wanted to and to whomever followed him in faith.  He valued their gifts and contributions to him regardless of the snubs and verbal abuse he received from the ruling class.

  

He’s serious yet anyone who has felt his presence can sense his humorous side.  He knows what sacred things a man should never joke about.

The Jewish leaders in the world Jesus was born into didn’t value these qualities.  Didn’t see them as characteristics of a King.  And so when he came, it was his mission to be born in an obscure little village in a stable.  When the Wise Men came, I'm sure they couldn’t believe nobody knew about his birth! 

He was raised in a small village with a population of maybe 400.  He grew up just a regular boy with a basic religious education.  He was trained by Joseph, his step father, to be a carpenter. 

Pharisees

Not until he was 30 years old did he begin his official mission as recorded in the four Gospels.  At that time the leaders of the communities were from elitist families.  They were educated in elite schools, taught the Jewish traditions and law from an early age.  As they ascended the ladder of succes they dressed in robes decked out with ornaments that told a story of their personal achievements and status.  These men—the Pharisees, the scribes, the Sadducees, and the priests—were the Jewish leaders of Jesus’ day.  So when our Savior came on the scene with no formal training and had only his person, his teachings, the scriptures, and his miracles to recommend him, these men were aggressively offensive.  But that was the game plan.  Jesus never wanted to be believed in because others hyped him.  He didn’t want the people to follow him because everyone else was doing it.  He didn’t want it to be about a title, certifications or degrees.  He wanted the people to hear his word and determine for themselves how they would respond to it (Listen and Liken:  "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors). 

Anyone and everyone that came to him in faith, he healed.  He even spent his time searching for those who needed to be healed.  I can imagine it was exhausting (Mark 5:25-31 and Mark 4:38).  He was also a man.

Through these miracles and others he demonstrated that life was in him.  The people could trust him and therefore trust his words—the commandments he gave them.  He was basically saying, “If a person can heal you physically, he can also heal you spiritually if you will implement his words in your life.” (See Mark 2:9)

I think of him dealing with the scribes and Pharisees who used their knowledge and experience to think of ways of tricking their supposed competitor into contradicting himself in front of the people.  And to what purpose?  So they could remain king of the hill.  Throughout his entire ministry they threw curve balls at him in effort to strike him out.  But they had no idea what a heavy hitter he was!

I think of him looking at them and their intentions.  I wonder what he’s going to say.  And then when he says it and I study it to figure out why he said it, I realize he completely knocked the ball out of the park.  I could watch this sport ALL DAY!  I can’t even begin to describe my admiration.  It is complete worship.  And he keeps doing it.  Everything that comes out of his mouth.  Everything he does.  I stand all amazed.  Literally.  And the thing is that he just is that way.  There is no pretense.  And he uses it for the well-being of his people not to puff himself up.  He has faith that if he obeys the commandments of his Father, his needs will be taken care of.  Maybe he’ll have to wait and if that’s the case, he waits.  But he doesn’t lose his focus.  He remains steadfast, determined, unchangeable, resolute, decisive, and absolutely beautiful (Listen:  "Primary Song Medley").

Matthew 6:21

A number of years ago when I started studying him in greater depth than I had before, I realized what a true reward was.  It would be hanging out with him.  The treat it would be to talk with him, interact with him, hear his voice—the depth, and watch him interacting with others would be the ultimate of all rewards.  Forget mansions and deluxe vacations.  Next to him all the riches of the earth pale in comparison.  And so really that's what I'm trying to do now--interact with him.  Why wait? (Listen and Liken:  "Afterlife" by Switchfoot)

Listen and Liken:  "Son of Man" by Phil Collins

Seeing him like this made me realize what the potential of a man was.  A man can literally become like Christ through his atonement.  I think that is what has happened with Martin Luther, Alma, Joseph Smith, and Elder Bednar.  I know it does take work but I don’t think it’s like building the Tower of Babel to make a name for oneself.  I think the main thing is for them to choose him as their Cause and then remain allegiant to him.  And I think that’s really what the priesthood is all about (Listen:  "Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd"). And I think all you ladies would agree with me when I say, these kinds of men are HOT!

Read and Liken:  3 Nephi 24

Listen:  "Emmanuel" by Amy Grant

Joseph Smith: Standing Steadfast

I admire Joseph Smith so much that I named my third son after him:  Matthew Joseph Langford.   

Matthew Joseph Langford

My reason for loving this man goes beyond words.  The depth of my feeling for him began to increase when about 16 years ago I read a historical fiction story about him and the early saints of the Mormon church:  The Work and the Glory by Gerald Lund.

Read the book

In this book series I didn’t feel like Joseph Smith was characterized completely accurately—a task that I’m sure is impossible to do—but what was depicted enabled my impression of who he was to take on a life of its own.  I could almost sense his person above and beyond the words on the page.  And I loved him, admired him.  

Listen:  "The Rising" by Jim Westbrook

So much persecution.  So many people against him.  He and his family were seriously injured by angry mobs several times.  And some of his children died because of the mobs and other natural causes.  It couldn’t have been easy for him.  He was misjudged.  People tried to discount him by twisting his words and actions, construing them as evil.  Sounds familiar.  But this is what he said of all that:

“It caused me serious reflection then, and often has since, how very strange it was that an obscure boy, of a little over fourteen years of age, and one, too, who was doomed to the necessity of obtaining a scanty maintenance by his daily labor, should be thought a character of sufficient importance to attract the attention of the great ones of the most popular sects of the day, and in a manner to create in them a spirit of the most bitter persecution and reviling. But strange or not, so it was, and it was often the cause of great sorrow to myself.

Paul, the Road to Damascus

“However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.

“So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.”

(Joseph Smith History 1:23-25)

My feelings for the Joseph Smith later developed to astonishing heights when I saw the movie, “Joseph Smith:  The Prophet of the Restoration.”

When I sat in the theater after seeing this for the first time, I could not get up.  I just sat there under the dim lights as everyone exited.  Wave after wave of soul-piercing energy filled my heart.  I didn’t want to let the emotion out because it was way too powerful and sacred.  I just tried to contain it all inside of me.  It wasn’t like I was just touched.  It was more like the crashing waves of the ocean.  So powerful.  So true.  So utterly sweet.   

Again, even in this account of Joseph Smith, I knew the depiction was not perfect.  What movie or story can capture actuality?  But who he really was came through to me in the interstices—in between the scenes.  And the music certainly didn’t help in the way of controlling my emotions either.  So much admiration!  So much respect for him.

Some people say we worship Joseph Smith.  What I say is I worship Jesus Christ and if a man comes near to being like him, that worship mechanism in my heart activates.  It’s telling me, “This is a man you can trust” (D&C 1:38).

Elder David A. Bednar: The Prophets

"Look harder"

I’m cheating a little on this by using a category of men for one of my top 5 favorites.  But really if you “look harder” you can see that all these men are summarily in the same category.  Nevertheless, I will speak of only one of them in this post even though all of them have had a great influence on me.  For the majority of my life I didn’t have a father to guide me. I turned to the prophet and apostles when I got to the point when I realized I really wanted and needed more guidance.  That reaching began when I went to college.  So if you want to know what my problem is, this is a good start:  I was raised a daughter of the prophets and apostles of Jesus Christ.

Elder David A. Bednar

I had first come to love this prophet, seer, and revelator after hearing and studying his talk, “The Tender Mercies of the Lord” in the Spring of 2005.  He had just been called to serve in one of the most visible callings in the Church and he could have gloried in why the Lord chose him.  But instead he thought about us which dispelled any thoughts of pride or envy that we could have been tempted to entertain.  This is what he said:

“The word chosen in 1 Nephi 1:20 [1 Ne. 1:20] is central to understanding the concept of the Lord’s tender mercies. The dictionary indicates that chosen suggests one who is selected, taken by preference, or picked out. It also can be used to refer to the elect or chosen of God (Oxford English Dictionary Online, second ed. [1989], “Chosen”).

“Some individuals who hear or read this message erroneously may discount or dismiss in their personal lives the availability of the tender mercies of the Lord, believing that 'I certainly am not one who has been or ever will be chosen.' We may falsely think that such blessings and gifts are reserved for other people who appear to be more righteous or who serve in visible Church callings. I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us.

“To be or to become chosen is not an exclusive status conferred upon us. Rather, you and I ultimately determine if we are chosen. Please now note the use of the word chosen in the following verses from the Doctrine and Covenants:

“'Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

"'Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men' (D&C 121:34–35; emphasis added).

“I believe the implication of these verses is quite straightforward. God does not have a list of favorites to which we must hope our names will someday be added. He does not limit “the chosen” to a restricted few. Rather, it is our hearts and our aspirations and our obedience which definitively determine whether we are counted as one of God’s chosen.”

This is a man who is not interested in self-glory.  He is more interested in the well being of those he has been sent to serve.

Subsequent talks have also endeared me to him.  I especially respect how he opens every one of his talks with, “I pray for and invite the assistance of the Holy Ghost as I now speak with you.”  Humility in it’s true form, unadulterated.  A man without guile.

A few years ago I attended a conference at Brigham Young University for women.  He was one of the speakers.

I guess I should first explain how anti-groupie I am.  I just can’t bring myself to “worship” any person like that.  If I’m going to talk to them, I would like to do so on equal ground.  I’m a child of God and so are they.  We’re good.  When I was a teenager I came close to groupie-ness with the pop band Duran Duran.  I very much preferred the lead singer, Simon LeBon.  But I wrote in my journal that I would like to become a drummer so that one day I could meet him face to face, not as a groupie screaming at his show.  Just couldn’t do the groupie stuff and never have been able to since.

So when Elder Bednar walked into the Marriot Center to speak to thousands of women and I was one of them, I was surprised at my response.  We all stood and the entire auditorium went silent.  As I watched him walk to the stand my heart, which I have come to understand is not completely under my control, responded with wave after wave of powerful energy until I could hardly contain it.  When I sat down I had to bend over in my seat, duck my head, and let my hair hang around my face.  Luckily my friend had a tissue or I would have been in serious trouble.  I have this issue with being seen during sacred moments like that.  You see, I never wanted to be a groupie.  But this was something different.  Something holy and something I have come to realize is my divine heritage as a woman--to bear testimony of men who are like Christ.

Since that time all I have to do is think about him and I begin to experience the same kind of feeling in my heart.  Who needs chocolate cake when there's men like Martin Luther, Alma, and Elder Bednar around?  I’m not into fake.  In fact I loathe fake.  This is real.  My heart testifies of its own volition that these men are of God.  They are living their lives as the Lord would have them.  They are worthy to be my more specific Causes because they are allowing my chosen general Cause to govern them.  The sacrifices they have made and continue to make are patterned after the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  I can trust them.  My heart witnesses that.

True To Your Heart!

The Closet of Prayer

Matthew 6:6

I had somehow come to believe that my ability to sacrifice (works) was more valuable than my ability to ask for help (faith).  At some point in my subconscious mind I became ashamed of my weaknesses--my need to receive.  But there was no getting around it.  I was weak.  I was in need.  So I entered into my closet, shut the door, and prayed...a lot...and for a long time.  Now I'm coming out.

That word--weakness--is one of those words that most people don't want to be associated with.  No one wants to be weak let alone APPEAR weak.  But this is what I mean when I use the word weakness:

 

My Divine Heritage
These are weaknesses I can’t change and don’t want to.  For example, I’m a woman so I don’t have certain strengths that a man has.  A man is a man so he doesn’t have certain strengths that a woman has.  These things I don’t want to change.  We will forever need each other and there's nothing I am more grateful for than that (1Corinthians11:11).

 My Hard Ground
These are weaknesses that can’t be changed in this life.  Disabilities, chronic injuries or diseases, inevitable physical degeneration of the body, my nose

"Overnight"

My Responsibility
These are weaknesses that I currently am unable to change but am working on.  Sometimes I see an ability, talent, or characteristic I would like to have and I desire it.  But no matter how hard I try, I just can't do it, excel in it, or be that way.  I’m not that skilled yet.  Others may already have mastered it and may even regard it as a simple skill.  But because of who I am and what I've been through (or haven't been through), this particular ability comes hard for me.  It takes time and the development of foundational abilities to be able to master higher abilities.  Just because I see it and desire it doesn’t mean I can automatically have it.  I have to be patient with myself and with the required training.  Some abilities have to be quietly woven into my soul over time.  Some pathways need to be walked over and over before the resultant depth finally creates a habit. 

I have come to see that having weaknesses doesn't deprive me of Joy.  It's how I evaluate the fact that I have them.  If this evaluation is skewed, I may indeed foster greater sorrow in my life. 

For example, in the historical fiction series written by Dean Hughes, Childrenof the Promise, based on the true events in World War II, there is a story line about a young woman named Bobbie who enlists as a nurse.  She's stationed in Hawaii to care for the injured soldiers in the South Pacific.  She meets a soldier named Richard, they fall in love, and shortly thereafter he gets sent out to sea.  Their separation causes Bobbie some pretty intense suffering from the fear of not knowing whether he will make it back.  One day she receives news that he is MIA.  She doesn't know if he is dead or alive and the more time passes without any news, the more she is forced to believe he is gone.  Finally she receives the news that he IS ALIVE but has sustained some pretty serious injuries to both of his hands.  

When he gets back, he pushes Bobbie away because of his injuries even though he is deeply in love with her.  And she is deeply in love with him.  For her, his injuries are so minor a burden for her to carry compared to the one she thought she was going to have to bear--his death.  All she wants to do is hold him, love him, marry him.  But because he has this weakness he pushes her away.  He doesn’t want to burden her with what may be a pretty severe handicap for the rest of his life.  And he doesn't seem to understand that Bobbie may very well have the strength to bear it.  Because he is ashamed of his weakness and doesn’t want her to have to sacrifice for him, he withholds himself.  He deprives both her and himself of what could possibly be an eternal relationship full of love, companionship, and complete and utter attraction.  Fortunately Richard does see the light and...well, you'll have to read the book to see what happens. : )

This story illustrates how my evaluation of my weaknesses can lead me to make decisions that deprive not only me but others of Joy.  I am my own worst critic.  Sometimes I look at myself with the weaknesses I have and believe I can’t be loved.  I believe that I am unworthy to be loved because of a, b, or c.  So instead of allowing others to sacrifice for me, I push them away.  I don’t want them to have to carry my burden.  I think they don’t want to.  I think they will resent me or view me as less of a person because of it. 

Hiding my weaknesses from those who have been put into a position to help me only causes me to seek support from conflicting sources.  To those who could and should be my comfort and support I say, “Oh, everything is fine.  No I don’t need anything.”

Balancing my Evaluation

A weakness is just an opportunity for someone else to exercise their value.  It’s a chance for them to use the strengths, abilities, talents they have been given.  It's a chance for us to combine in a relationship.  And when they help, it’s an amazing feeling for both of us!  It enables the Energy to flow through them which is an integral part of Joy.  Allowing and indeed inviting another to sacrifice for me is a foundational part of a healthy relationship. 

Herniated Disc

A few years ago I started taking Yoga for the first time and I loved it!  I loved it so much that I wanted to go more and more often so that I could become a superstar at it!  I wanted to be able to do THIS:

"Slow Down" by Jenny Jordan Frogley

I didn't quite get there but over time muscles that I didn’t know I had were strengthened.  I found that this improved my overall strength and posture so that I was better able to handle my everyday activities.  But with the increase in frequency and intensity of Yoga classes, there was one area of my body that wasn’t so happy.  My lower back seemed to be getting weaker over time.  I thought it was muscular.  I thought I was just experiencing DOMS (delayed onset muscular soreness)and just needed to be more consistent in attending classes so that my lower back muscles would strengthen.  I asked a Yoga instructor about it and she directed me to strengthening my core muscles.  I worked on that but the pain in my back continued and increased after each Yoga class.  There were periods of time when I was walking around like an age-ed woman and bending over ever-so-carefully to put each dish in the dishwasher. 

One day I went for a 3-mile run because I also decided that I wanted to start training for a half-marathon!  Yeah!  I was sure I’d learn crucial life lessons with that and feel my value.  Well, that 3-mile run was the end of Yoga and half-marathons for me (at least for a long while).  My disk herniated.  It’s guts squished out so that a bulge was pressing on my nerve.  And it was so painful for such a loooong time!  : (

So what did I learn from this?  I seriously have the tendency to get over-excited about the things I enjoy and the prospect of obtaining new abilities.  So much so that I try to get there at too fast a pace.  I’m willing to put up with quite a bit of pain in the sacrifice.  But this kind of pain wasn’t the kind I needed to endure in order to reap my reward.  This was WARNING PAIN.  “Stop now.  Stop.  Go back.  Do not proceed any further.  Long term painful injury, longer than you’ve ever had to endure before, ahead!”  And I misread it!

Paradoxical Results:  Reading Pain and Sorrow Signals

With every long term sacrifice to obtain a goal there is pain and sorrow that I need to endure.  The question is when is that pain/sorrow warning me to stop what I’m doing and when is it something I just need to endure?  Should I change or should I hold steadfast?

This is what I’ve learned:

I engage in a sacrifice process over time to obtain a goal (check out the diagram above).  I’m really excited about it in the beginning!  Lots of Energy!  I can’t wait to see results!  If over time the pain/sorrow increases and the Energy (or Joy) that I experience decreases to the point that I can’t keep my regular commitments, I need to change my sacrifice process.  I’m doing something wrong.  I may not be doing the whole thing wrong so I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water.  But I need to reevaluate the situation.  Most of the time the problem is that I need to take more time developing foundational, core strength first and then proceed to higher levels.

  

On the other hand, if I engage in a sacrifice process to obtain a goal and the initial pain/sorrow decreases over time and my Energy (or Joy) increases, then I know I need to remain steadfast.  The above diagram depicts how strength is established, an ability is formed, or a talent is gained.  But it is also true that adjustments might need to be made along the way.  The level of sacrifice could increase as my capacity to bear it increases.  Or the continued sacrifice may in time reveal a weakness I can’t change that I didn’t know I had.  Thus I reevaluate the situation and figure out what I can do to strengthen the muscles around that weakness.  Or maybe I find that I need to rely on someone else’s muscle in order to keep going.

A Cause

In past posts I have mentioned the concept of a New Parent.  In my studies I have generalized the parent role to include all individuals who are assigned to a position of influence.  These are people who either have the responsibility or desire to influence me, train me, provide for me, evaluate me, be an example for me.  I call this role by a more general name:  CAUSE.  A Cause can be a teacher, a boss, an older sibling, a coach, a supervisor, spouse, or even a friend.    In the dictionary Cause is defined as “a person or thing that gives rise to an action, phenomenon, or condition.”  When we sacrifice, serve, give, provide, teach we are acting as a Cause.  When we sing, paint, write, or exercise whatever talents we have been given, we act as a Cause.  I have sited several Causes in my posts.  Here is an index:  Cause Index.

So what is pressuring or Cause-ing me to believe I need to overdo it instead of inviting and allowing others to help me out?  Why do I sometimes get so "cumbered about much serving" (Luke 10:38-42)?  Why do I want to run faster than I have strength?  Why am I always having to beat down my kick-butt mentality?

When a child is raised by a Survival Cause, she is expected to make sacrifices she isn’t yet capable of.  She will grow up with the kick-butt, overdoing-it mentality.  She will believe running faster than she has strength is actually running at a normal pace.  She doesn’t look for grace as much as she looks for ways she can work through whatever conflicts come her way on her own.  She’s not used to help and may even think asking for help IS WEAKNESS.  She lives off of praise and is not so much into empathy, compassion, and recognizing her humanity.

"Responsibility and Choice"

Hymn #85

Evaluating Causes

Before I evaluate the Survival tendencies of my parents or any other Cause, I need to include an evaluation of their Causes.  Either they were also raised by Survival Causes OR they currently do not have a Paradoxical Cause they can depend on.  Even if we’re all grown up, we need a Cause.  It’s just one of those weaknesses that we can’t get around.  Married or unmarried, if there is not a secure relationship with a Paradoxical Cause, a parent will deviate into Survival Parenting.

No parent is perfect.  That means all of us have grown up with a degree of inability to be a Paradoxical Cause.  Some of us have a greater degree of inability than others and this causes strife in relationships.  It helps me to remember that I am culpable to the degree I have been Paradoxically Parented.  I do not use how I was raised as an excuse to continue acting as a Survival Cause.  When I recognized what was going on I realized it was my responsibility to find a Cause—one who would not only teach me Paradoxical Skills but also be a Cause that met my needs through his sacrifice.  I needed to be taught.  And I needed his empathy, compassion, Peace, love in order to heal.  I needed a companion who was balanced and always available. 

Coming Out of the Closet

Who is in your closet with you?  Who do you go to for help with your weaknesses?  

If you are in search of a Cause like I've described here, may I introduce you to my Cause?  His office hours are 24/7.  He doesn’t require you to pay him money but he does need your commitment.  You will need to become a Cause like he is to the degree you are capable.  That means you pass on to others what he teaches you in word AND in action.  Your allegiance is required.  You cannot turn to conflicting Causes who serve up chocolate cake when the going gets tough.  (And chocolate cake is a metaphor for whatever it is you turn to that does not have the power to support you now AND in the long run.) You need to turn to him instead.  Always trust him.  He is a Paradoxical Cause.  So to whatever degree you didn’t get this growing up, he will allocate a space in time for you to be retrained.  You are not condemned for what someone else has done to you and your resultant weaknesses (Article of Faith #2).  Objectively and subjectively you will develop the skills you desire.  He will always be there for you.  For weaknesses that can’t be changed, he will either put others into your life who will serve as your Para-Symbiotic Causes or he will do so himself.

 Elder Richard G. Scott: “Personal Strength through the Atonement of Jesus Christ”

In case it hasn’t been clear in my past posts, my Cause is Jesus Christ.  He's the one in my "closet."  The way I have witnessed my allegiance to him is by being baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I’m a Christian.  And I'm a Mormon.  I engage in the general sacrifices as described in the scriptures, which we believe to be the word of God.  We believe in prophets who expound upon the scriptures to accurately apply their core principles to the specific situations we are faced with today.  These men are governed by the Cause of Christ.  We are counseled to connect directly with our God through prayer and obedience to know in our hearts what is true and what is false (Moroni 10:4-6).  In reporting my Paradoxical Results of sacrificing in this way—the way this church advocates—my Joy increases in depth continuously over time (Alma 32:27-42).

Meet my Cause:  Chat with a Missionary  +  Read how I learned to "Chat" with God