Bad Things Happen To Good People Too

I have been thinking about this murder that happened here in Layton this past weekend. A young woman met a young man on a dating app that is mostly used for hooking up for one night stands. The man was crazy, on drugs, and overtaken by all things bad. So after hooking up, he killed her. Then he called the police and turned himself in. 

I am horrified by this story. I have been struggling to make sense of it, to resolve it in my mind. Meanwhile, others are trying to resolve it in their minds too. There are some who are blaming the woman for using this hook-up app. They are saying that when you make sexually immoral decisions, this is the consequence. Thus it was her fault that she was killed. She got herself killed by her choices. That’s one way to resolve it. Say, she got what was coming to her.

But I can’t think that way. I think evil happens to people that may not be doing everything right but the level of the bad consequences certainly is not balanced with their incorrect choices. 

So I’m saying that there’s this whole world of people out there who try to resolve the revulsion they feel when things like this happen with an imbalanced way of judging. They like to blame the person who had the bad thing happen to them in a way that resolves the revulsion. They like to say this awful thing happened to her because of her sins. This way of thinking seemingly protects them. They think this awful thing won’t happen to them or their loved ones as long as they don’t do what this woman did. But we know that bad things happen to good people.

I’m so sick of the judgmental attitude some people have. Not only are there people within my church that have this attitude, but there are also people in other churches and people who don’t belong to any church that have it. When we judge like this it prevents us from having to mourn with the family of those who have suffered this grief. It prevents us from realizing that something is inherently wrong with our society in general if it's breeding an increased number of murderers.

To choose to connect up the cause (the victim's choices) with the result (the victim's consequences) in these situations doesn’t work. Jesus Christ said that even though the tower of Siloam fell on some people, it didn’t mean they were all sinners. And even though Pilate killed those other people, it didn’t mean that it was a consequences for living a bad life (Luke 13:1-5). Instead, He said that bad things can happen to good and bad people. To swing around our judgement in false ways is dangerous, not only to our community, but also to ourselves.

This is one of the reasons it is dangerous: There is another group of people that takes their cue from these judgmental people. This other group doesn’t like this unfair way of judging. They know it is wrong. So they use it as a way to justify their continuous poor choices. They say there is not any connection whatsoever between the bad things that happen and our choices. They believe they can live in any way they want and it has no connection to the general consequences in society or their specific life trials.

But we know we can’t live however we want because the murderer was following that rule. The result was that he wasn’t happy. He hated himself. He hated people. The reports say he had lived for quite some time entertaining homicidal and suicidal thoughts.

My thoughts are that everyone makes bad choices sometimes, including me. That doesn’t mean it’s a good, productive thing to do to criticize others. It does not promote compatibility in relationships to ostracize and condemn others in order to punish them. It is not correct to conclude that the bad things that happen to people are always connected to a specific choice they make. 

But we do promote compatibility in relationships and sustainable joy by generally figuring out and talking about the laws of cause and effect. Joseph Smith said, “I teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” Governing also includes that judgment of connecting up cause and effect. 

That said, in regards to bad things happening to us in general, I have learned that it is an objective fact that danger and evil exist independent of God. There are entities that act independent of him. They have their own will. We have our own will. We have been given the agency to use it. People have been given the agency to do good and and evil or a combination of both. 

If we want to increase our protection from danger and evil, we can do our best to learn more about the general rules of cause and effect and apply them to our specific choices. But that doesn’t mean bad things will never happen to us. They still do. So what is the benefit of figuring out the laws and striving to live them if bad things still happen?

In black and white judgment, there doesn’t seem to be a benefit. But in a careful analysis of the variables, we can see that many of the bad things that could happen to us because of our poor choices would not happen. We can actually reduce the number of bad things that happen by learning and keeping certain laws. In fact, many bad things don’t happen to us because of the countless people who have sacrificed their lives for us (and others who continue to do so) in establishing the physical and political freedoms we have in our country. 

Additionally, I have found it very useful to learn to differentiate between the results that are good, better, and best. To increase my ability to judge more accurately I have spent a lot of time thinking about what is most valuable to me. For example, there have been some bad things happen to me in my life. From the perspective I stand in now, I am thankful for them. Without these trials, I would never be able to have the relationships that I have now. The level of sustainable joy I live in now is directly related to the struggles I’ve had to work to endure and overcome.

I’m saying that even though we have adversity, which is usually categorized as a very bad thing, the end result, because we have it, work through it, figure things out, gain knowledge, become more than we would have, and develop relationships, is more valuable than the results we would have obtained had we never had to deal with it. 

One very obvious example of this that has been a big part of the development of my understanding is physical exercise. It is painful to lift weights, to run, or to hike up a mountain, but the long-term benefits of incrementally sacrificing in this way has built muscle and increased my cardiorespiratory health. I also experience a level of satisfaction, motivation, and spiritual intensity that I have not been able to obtain in any other way. I’ve found that this part of the sustainable joy equation can’t be obtained by eating more, giving myself more stuff, sitting around more. I actually have to sacrifice, work, face the trouble, learn, endure, and overcome. 

So what does this have to do with some of the awful, horrible things that are happening in our society today, like this senseless murder in Layton, Utah?

I think I was talking about dealing with our evaluation of someone who had bad things happen to her. I was talking about how misjudging these kinds of things can perpetuate the problem.

But how can anything good come of this awful thing? What is the purpose for it happening? What am I supposed to do with this story? How can I deal with it? I’m mourning for her family. I’m mourning for our community. I want to help prevent these kinds of things from happening. Is there some way to do that? But I also want to know if there is anything that can be done now -after the fact- for our community, for this family, for this young woman who died, and for justice and mercy to be done.

I feel like the best thing I can personally do after balancing out my own way of judging the bad things that happen, is to proactively love and support the members of my family and community. I’m realizing I can’t be neutral in the way I interact with people. I don’t want to entertain negative thoughts if I can help it. Instead, I need to fight for the good thoughts and actively use my agency to control them. Proactively love other people. Proactively allow them to figure out the cause and effect of their own choices and stop busying myself with doing that for them. I have enough of my own causes and effects to worry about. In this way, I provide them with a portion of the spiritual nourishment (love) they need, which prevents them from needing to seek it from conflicting sources that might entrap them and hurt them.

Dealing With Conflicting Views

I have been reading Farrar’s “The Life of Christ” and again am so thankful for him for writing down his thoughts and studies on the Savior’s life. I love that he doesn’t confine his opinions to exactly what’s in the scriptures. I love how he thinks through things. I don’t mind at all that his thoughts sometimes conflict with mine. I love that because he has voiced his, he has given me the chance to voice mine. I will forever appreciate him for writing this book. I hope that my own views, when they conflict with his, don’t offend him (as I believe those who have passed are aware of us when we are aware of them). I want him to know that even though they do sometimes conflict, I love him so much for writing his. 

This is because when he has taken the time to consider a point of definition when it comes to Jesus Christ and his life, my eyes are opened to consider it too. I may not have seen the point to be considered if it weren’t for his consideration of it. So for me, the value of what he has written is not diminished because our opinions sometimes conflict. For the most part, our opinions are balanced. I’m not sure if I could ever say he has supplied me with what is true about Jesus more than the scriptures have. That seems to be the task of the Holy Ghost. But he has supplied me with greater insight of the details of Christ’s life, His person, and His Process (seeing that the capital “H” comes in handy sometimes). 

And maybe it is knowing the evils of people and how they responded to Jesus that gives me the greater insights. When I read the New Testament in the past (before reading books like Farrar’s), I was not able to completely grasp the historical background of the setting. I was not able to see where the societal leaders of that day were coming from since our present society is different from theirs. Yet we have incorporated some of the same general imbalanced processes in different specific ways. Asceticism is still alive and kicking even though Hedonism is claimed by so many to be their god.

Today I was reading about the Sabbath Day and how the Jewish leaders for generations had created complicated ascetic laws to force the people to obey. And when the people did obey them, this gave honor and glory to them – to the leaders who socially enforced these pseudo laws. It took the glory and honor from God and gave it to them. They were the gods of their society. This is what they desired.

Honoring the Sabbath Day in the way they prescribed along with keeping all of their other micromanaging rules represented their Process and Causehood. They forced others to obey their Process. When the members of their society did, it fed and nourished these false leaders. It was like worshipping them. They were masquerading as gods. They were saying that they kept these laws very well and in doing so, they demonstrated their value. And if others wanted to approach the same value, they needed to keep the laws as well as they did. 

But initially, this must have begun with keeping the real laws of God, which at this time was the Law of Moses. When people make this a competition and they see that most people are keeping the laws of God, they up the stakes by complicating the law – making it even harder to obey. And when they show they can obey it, even at this higher level, they are gratified in their pride. When others follow them and strive to obey the higher law, it also gratifies their pride. But eventually, they will have to complicate it even more to continue setting themselves above others. This is an eternal evolution of this way of doing things. This is the result of Pride and Envy.

So for Jesus to attack these Pseudo Laws, was to attack their value. They were saying that goodness, righteousness, and value are dependent upon how exactly a person could obey these complicated laws. Jesus attacked this system by saying that attempting to follow these laws is superfluous, and that the motives behind this game are evil. He was saying that they are Pseudo Laws, not the laws of God. He was saying that their aim to keep these laws was blinding them to the real aim that God had for them. 

The real aim is to develop compatible relationships of sustainable love and joy with God and with each other. The purpose of God’s laws are to assist us in this effort. Working to obey laws is not a game that we play to be better than others. The practice of figuring out how to do good is not to be motivated by pride—the end-all goal to be better than our neighbor, our spouse, our brother, our sister, our friend, our son, our daughter, our community. The practice of figuring out how to do good is to be motivated by love—the end-all goal to develop sustainable, compatible relationships with our neighbor, our spouse, our brother, our sister, our friend, our son, our daughter, our community.

To be able to sacrifice more than someone else should not contribute to a superiority complex. To have the ability to sacrifice more than someone else is an objective fact. It is neither an act of pride or righteousness to acknowledge that fact. It is objective – neuter.  With any strength, knowledge, talent, ability, resource we have acquired or were born with, we choose what we will do with it. “With great power comes great responsibility.” “To whom much is given, much is required.” What we do with our resources, is what defines our Process as prideful or righteous. Do we use them to judge how much better we are than others? Or do we use them to serve others, knowing that we also need to rely on others to serve us with their resources since none of us have them all?

The Jewish leadership’s laws revolved around the Sabbath,  the ceremonial washing of hands and dishes before eating, the use of their money, prayer, fasting, and their relationships with each other -marriage, family, community.

So why were the Pharisees, Herodians, Sadducees, lawyers, scribes, and other judges of Jesus’ day so upset about his and his disciples lack of keeping their law? Why couldn’t they live and let live?

I believe it was because they derived their value – their sense of worth – from the keeping of their laws and from the number of people in their community who kept their laws. They were dependent upon the number of people in their community to uphold their laws. Why? Because when you’re not keeping the real laws of God, you are not supported by his validation. God’s validation enables us to feel our value quietly and completely. We don’t have to rely on other people’s validation. So if someone else disagrees with us and our way of doing things and if the way we are striving to live our lives is in alignment with God’s will for us, we will be sustained in the face of this other person’s disagreement. We don’t have to worry about the opinions and judgements of others because we are not relying upon their validation. 

This isn’t easy because we do rely upon each other for support. Ideally, our support of each other is in alignment with God’s support. But this isn’t always the case.

It is so tricky because we may be tempted to convince others who conflict with our opinion and our way of doing things that God is on our side. But this defeats the whole attempt to rely on God’s judgements. We don’t have to do any convincing for our own sake. (Don’t gotta say anything, don’t say a word at all…). Let other people have their own opinions. Let them judge us as righteous or evil. Let our focus be on God’s validation of how we are choosing to live our lives. And if we need to continue to learn, change, and grow, let it be before God and not before others who may say when we stumble, struggle, change, repent that, “We knew you were wrong all along.” 

Disregard their judgments when it comes to validating our worth. But regard their judgments when it comes to figuring out how we can serve them better in our relationships with them. And if our hearts are pure, we will seek to know how God desires us to serve them. There are times when we need to be like Westley (Dread Pirate Roberts) from William Goldman’s “The Princess Bride” and say, “As you wish.” But there are also times when we need to be like Martin Luther and say, “This is where I stand” regardless of what you do that hurts me. 

Could Jesus Really Be Tempted?

Did Jesus have the capacity to be tempted? Or was he so powerful that any temptation didn't even phase him?

I’m reading “The Life of Christ” by Frederic W. Farrar again. On pages 116-118 he’s writing about Jesus’s temptations in the wilderness which are described in Matthew 4 and Luke 4. Apparently, there has been some debate on whether Jesus could be tempted since he was a perfect being. Farrar argues that he was vulnerable to temptation just as we are.

“Some, in a zeal…have claimed for Him not only an actual sinlessness, but a nature to which sin was divinely and miraculously impossible. What then? If His great conflict were a mere deceptive phantasma-goria, how can the narrative of it profit us? If we have to fight the battle clad in the armor of human free-will which has been hacked and riven about the bosom of our fathers by so many a cruel blow, what comfort is it to us if our great Captain fought not only victoriously, but without real danger; not only uninjured, but without even a possibility of wound? Where is the warrior’s courage, if he knows that for him there is but the semblance of a battle against the simulacrum* of a foe?...They who would [describe him like this] rob us of our living Christ, who was very man no less than very God, and substitute for Him a perilous Apollinarian** phantom enshrined ‘in the cold empyrean*** of theology,’ and alike incapable of kindling devotion, or of inspiring love” (pg. 116).

* a representation or imitation of a person or thing
**philosophy that Jesus did not have a human mind or soul
***philosophy in which heaven is composed of the pure element of fire

How would our Savior be able to empathize with us in our own struggle against temptation if he had no capability of being tempted? Without having experienced this struggle himself, would he be able to understand what we feel and truly empathize with us?

As I was reading through these pages and pondering on Farrar’s point with which I am in complete agreement, I saw that temptation can only exist when we have made a commitment to proleptically sacrifice certain things or relationships with certain people. I picked up the word proleptic from Farrar. It describes the motives behind our sacrifice. We sacrifice in anticipation of “a future promised act or development as if it presently existed or already has been accomplished” (Dictionary).

When we make this kind of commitment, we become vulnerable to temptation. We sacrifice something good, which is often more tempting because it is actually good, for something better. When we make commitments, opportunity costs are created. We are saying that we are willing to accept those costs in order to obtain something better -the thing or relationship we want more than anything else. And what we usually want is someone else’s commitment to us. We’re willing to keep our long-game commitments to someone who is willing to keep his long-game commitments to us.

So, from this understanding, we can see how Christ would have been tempted above all the rest of us. His commitment to wait for his reward, for his needs to be met, for the fulfillment of his personal desires, was beyond every other person’s commitment that has ever lived. His long-game is seriously long. Many of us have made very long long-game commitments. Because Jesus' commitment to us was and is longer, he is able to support us through our extended trials.

This isn’t a competition. Someone had to put his own life on hold in order for the rest of us to obtain our desires and resolve our conflicts. And we, in turn, put our own lives on hold to a certain degree for others. But we don’t have to put it on hold for as long as our Savior has.

I think it’s easy for us to forget that Jesus’ life was his own just as much as our lives are our own. This was his chance on earth. His time to seize the day. He was given his agency to choose how he would live his life just as much as we have been given ours. Because that was true, we can see how the temptations to take what he wanted and needed would have been pretty intense. He had the power to take it. But he used his agency to choose to wait…wait for us. And as he did this, he experienced long-term suffering throughout his entire life.

We know he was not only a God but a good, healthy, balanced man.  His desires would have been for the basic necessities of life as well as for sustainable compatible relationships in marriage, family, and community. Most of us are not required to sacrifice these things. We’re encouraged to strive to obtain them. Some of us have been required to sacrifice them. Our Savior did too so he is able to empathize with us, which comforts our souls beyond any other resolution process. His sacrifice was meant to enable us to obtain our desires and resolve our conflicts. If we will follow his guidance in regards to our own proleptic sacrifices and receive his atoning proleptic sacrifice we will obtain the basic necessities of life as well as sustainable compatible relationships in marriage, family, and community in the long-game. It’s so proleptic!

"For as we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin." ~Hebrews 4:15

Living Water

This post is the sequel to the following posts:

What's Your Problem?

The Parable of the Broken Sprinkler

One of the physical concepts Jesus used as a metaphor to describe the value of developing our relationship with him was our continuous need for living water in order to sustain our life. Our Savior said to a Samaritan woman at a well,

“If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.”

She responded, “Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?” ~John 4:10-11

The following video reenacts this conversation:



What is the living water Christ was talking about? And is it really as valuable as water is to our body and to the earth?



Elder Jeffrey R. Holland talks about relationship between the vine, its branches, and its fruit as a metaphor to our relationship with the Savior in the following video:



If we have spiritual wasp nests within our Personal Framework that are cutting us off from His water supply (his vine), we aren’t going to be receiving that peace in adequate amounts. We are going to feel dry, parched, and like we’re not getting enough no matter how hard we are working.

Understanding the Metaphor
Water for my lawn = Living Water that the Savior has available in satisfying abundance for us

Sprinkler System = Our Personal Framework of ideas, theories, beliefs that usually include truths, partial truths, and falsehoods

Wasp Nest in the Irrigation Valve Box = Biofilms in our Organ Systems = partial truths and falsehoods = random disorders that disconnect true understanding, beliefs, and practices

This next video continues explaining what Spiritual Wasp Nests are and how they prevent us from receiving adequate amounts of our Savior's Living Water.



In the next blog post, we'll talk about how Toxic Shame and Toxic Blame can be some of those Pathogenic Microbes in a spiritual biofilm or wasp nest that prevent the standard resolution processes from healing our relationship problems with God and others.

The Parable of the Broken Sprinkler

I did this blog post on a video and had a lot of fun making it. This is the sequel to the last post, "What's Your Problem?".

What's Your Problem?

It was midsummer. I noticed some sections of the front lawn were looking brown. This was my first year in my house in Utah so I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe it was due to the stifling summer heat. Maybe regular watering wasn’t enough. In these scorching conditions I was willing to put up with an imperfect lawn rather than overuse water. Still, it had been doing well up until recently.

I let it go for another couple of days before noticing the problem was getting worse. I walked around my property and observed that other areas of lawn were as green as ever. That was when I realized there must be a problem with my sprinklers. On the sprinkler control panel, I tested out each station. Three stations worked, five were not working at all. This was valuable data from which I could form a conclusion: A malfunctioning sprinkler system was the cause of the brown grass. This led me to other questions: What was the cause of the sprinkler system not working? They were all functioning at the beginning of the summer. What had happened between then and now?

Believe it or not, the subject of this post is not so much about solving lawn and sprinkler mysteries. It’s about conflict resolution through the atonement of Jesus Christ. In order to do that more effectively, we need to understand how to apply what he has already told us about how to access his atoning power to solve our problems and obtain our desires within the boundaries that he has set. Most of my readers already know how to generally do this. My hope is to do what others have done for me: serve as your assistant when you’re struggling to apply what you know to a specific complicated conflict by describing my specific conflict resolution stories.

I do pray about home repair and improvement. The scriptures tell us to pray for our flocks and our crops of the fields (Alma 34:17-27). I see that as a metaphor for praying over my sprinkler system and lawn, my GFCI outlets and breaker boxes, and my trees and bushes. For example, I have a huge willow tree in my back yard that looked like it was dying last month. The top had lost a lot of leaves in a sudden strong windstorm. I love that tree and grieved over it, not knowing if I could do anything to save it. It took many years for it to grow into a Whomping-Willow-Beauty shade tree. It’s not something that can be replaced with money alone like a dishwasher or a lamp. So I prayed for it. I prayed with heart-felt desire every time I saw it. Much to my surprise and utter gratitude to God, within a few weeks I noticed the leaves on the top were growing back and it returned to full health. I'm sure my praying for it wasn't the only cause (independent variable) for its recovery but I do know that God cares about the things we care about so it is my practice to pray and act believing God and I are important independent variables in all my relationships and responsibilities.

But more important than houses and yards and trees, are our relationships with God and our family. I like to compare and contrast the systemic conflicts around my house with more intangible and sometimes complicated relationship conflicts. In doing so, I’ve learned more about resolving these conflicts through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

So let’s examine and apply the conflict with my lawn and sprinkler system. Through my own observations I knew that there was not a conflict a few weeks before, but now there was. Something had changed. I believed it was possible to find out what it was and had hope that I could fix it.  Similarly, if there was a time in our life when we were feeling just fine spiritually and emotionally and now we’re not, we can understand that something has happened to cause this change. If we believe that it is possible to find the cause and to repair it, we are believing in Jesus Christ and his atonement.

At this point it would have been good to pray for guidance. I can’t remember doing that for this particular conflict, but the scriptures say, “that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul” (2 Nephi 32:9). Whatever our investigation, we can begin it with a prayer so our Savior will guide us, our effort will be effective, and we will learn valuable lessons that can be applied to other areas of our life.

With my lawn, I took time to regularly make observations, which enabled me to become aware of the problem. Some sections of the grass were brown and others weren’t. Likewise, in our life, we need to make regular observations of our relationships. When conflicts arise, we note that there may be some relationships that are still working well but others that are not. We may feel balanced sometimes and at other times we don’t. We need to write down our observations as faithfully as a scientist. Identifying what is working and what is not is an integral step to solving the problem.

I was able to work on my lawn sprinkler conflict without having to keep a record of my observations, hypotheses, and conclusions. I didn’t write down my independent and dependent variables, keep a data table, or make a graph. But for more complicated problems, which have a tendency to confuse me, I have done this. Keeping an organized record reduces our chances of getting lost and experiencing an overwhelming degree of fear. Additionally, I show God how much I believe in resolution processes, how much I desire to resolve this particular conflict, and how much I value being a part of that process. As my part of the sacrifice, I put in time and effort to systematically do what I can to solve problems. It is my understanding that when we engage in conflict resolution processes with real intent, using the intelligence God has already given us, the atonement of Jesus Christ is at work.

The overall goal in conflict resolution is to identify the cause of conflict in a system which normally functions sustainably. The conflict is the thing we don’t desire to happen in a system yet it is happening anyway. It is causing the system to malfunction. Thus the goal is to search for the cause. We form an hypothesis. My first hypothesis was that the hot summer weather (independent variable) was causing the grass to die (dependent variable). I assumed it was a normal result for the grass to become dryer this time of year even though it was getting water. Since this was my first summer in this house, I didn’t know what to expect.

Correspondingly, we may form an hypothesis that the way we feel spiritually or emotionally is the way everyone feels. Or we may think a problem we’re experiencing is just a normal part of aging and there’s nothing we can do about it. We may also think that having ongoing conflicts in relationships is where all relationships end up over time. Since this is our first time on earth going through these challenges, being this age, and having these experiences, we most likely don’t know what to expect. We may initially think the only solution is to grin and bear it. While this may end up being the case, my opinion is that we shouldn’t settle for this solution until we have exhausted all others. We can know that settling for the grinning-and-bearing-it solution is not what the Lord would have us do if the problem increases in severity to the point we cannot continue living without going to unhealthy sources for sustainability. He said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30).

My second hypothesis was that the malfunctioning of my sprinkler system was the cause of the brown grass. I checked out the control panel. In the same way, when we look for causes that are within our control to change or set to rights, we are doing what the Savior instructed us to do when he said, “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother’s eye” (Matt 7:5). This is a general conflict resolution skill that can be applied to any situation. He instructs us to first examine what is within our agency to change or repair before we attribute the cause to sources outside of our control. These other sources may indeed be part of it, but if we make it our priority to fix what we are responsible for first, we either fix the problem or eliminate that variable as a cause in our investigation.  “And thus we see, that there was a time granted unto man to repent, yea, a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God” (Alma 42:4).

When I work to resolve conflicts around the house or yard I usually form a few hypotheses and choose the best one to test first. But it is critical that we test only one independent variable at a time and remember and/or record our findings. If we change more than one variable, we cannot be sure of the true cause of the conflict. Even if our shoot‘em-all-up approach works, we may someday end up with the same conflict again and still not know how to resolve it.

After verifying that the control panel was working just fine, I eliminated that variable as a cause. I then had to look for the cause behind that: In a sprinkler system, the control panel wires connect to the irrigation valve boxes. That was my next destination. Can you guess what was causing the problem yet? You probably have a hypothesis if you’ve had experience with your own sprinkler system. In the next post I’ll tell you what I found out while we analyze some more conflict resolution strategies.

For now, here’s a summary of the steps:
1. Pray for your property, physical and spiritual health (relationship with God), and your relationships with your spouse, children, extended family members, and community.
2. Make routine observations of each of these systems/relationships and keep an organized record.
3. If you notice a problem increasing in severity, start the conflict resolution process with a prayer, believing that you will find the cause and be able to fix it.
4. Estimate when the problem started to occur.
5. Make a list of the possible causes (your hypotheses), things that could have changed between the time it was functioning properly until now.
6. Test out one variable at a time in order to identify the problem or eliminate it as a cause
7. Record your data – what you find when you test your results (e.g. 3 out of 8 of my sprinklers were not working).

I Hope You Dance

For the past eleven years I’ve been studying Jesus Christ almost as if it were my full time job. It hasn’t been so focused on memorizing trivial details or figuring out the exact timeline of the events of his life. Neither has it been focused on proving that the Gospels sync up or other arguable facts. It’s been more about trying to figure out his character. I’ve wanted to know who it is that I say I worship. And I’ve wanted to know why and how he did the things he did.

It’s been an amazing journey. The more I study him, the more I get him. I should say, the more He has allowed me to understand him. One of my favorite songs that I sing a lot in reference to how I feel about our Redeemer is “Nothing Compares 2U.”   But I have found that I’ve been wrong about no one else comparing.  Most do not but there are some who have some of his qualities and characteristics, thankfully!

Christ-like Characteristics
One of the side effects from my studies that I hadn't anticipated was that I notice his characteristics in other people, especially men. And when I do, something happens to my heart. It is involuntary. Observing people is voluntary but when I see a quality of Christ in them (which I confess is what I’m looking for), the rest is involuntary. I admire them. It pours out of my heart. Sometimes it’s more intense than others. I can’t help it.  I don’t have expectations of any return admiration or love. In fact I prefer to quietly honor them and just figuratively shake my head and say in my head, “Wow!  So amazingly beautiful!” It’s something I can’t really go up and tell them about because it is so powerful and, I believe, sacred. My hope is that it is somehow communicated to them spiritually and anonymously. At least that is what I pray for.

Sometimes I find the opportunity to communicate my opinion to them in an appropriate way. I do this because I know it’s hard to develop His characteristics. I want them to know they are definitely being noticed and are making a difference.  Yet, I know they are not being that way to get noticed.  “That’s what makes you beautiful!” If they were, it would kind of defeat the whole purpose. If I saw they were doing it just to 'be seen of men', my heart wouldn’t do anything. I admire when they use their strengths to help others because they sincerely care as Christ does for them. What my heart does is a confirmation, a validation. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one whose heart behaves in this way. 

It works like this: If they really are what I think they are then they will feel what I and others feel for them. If they are not, then my projected admiration passes them by and goes directly to our Savior.

“Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.” ~Matthew 6:1-4

“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only” ~James 1:22

Chris (rt) returning home, Aaron (lft) already returned, Matthew mission in progress now

RMs
I’m finding that one group of people my heart is especially susceptible to is return missionaries. More often than not my heart does what it does when I observe one of them. When my own sons (the two oldest) came home from their missions, I was so impressed with them. They became men out there. And by that I mean men of God. Men of Christ.

“…arise from the dust, my sons, and be men” ~2 Nephi 1:21

"Our missionaries serving throughout the world are beautiful examples of those who are truly ambitious for Christ." ~Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita, "Be Ambitious for Christ"

There is something about a young man who sacrifices two years of his life to serve the Lord and help others. They have His image in their countenance. It’s this look in their eyes that is confident (not prideful!) and humble (not shameful!) at the same time. Their focus is outward on others, not on themselves, yet they are also open to receiving the blessings others have to offer.

“Have ye received his image in your countenances?” ~Alma 5:14



David Archuleta is a prime example of the type of young man I'm talking about. He had established a lucrative musical career at a young age but he decided to put that on hold while he served a mission. I've watched a few videos of him on his mission and since he's returned. He has continued to use his talent to bless others but somehow he has avoided being corrupted by the pride of the world.  That in itself is one of the most beautiful feats I have ever seen.

Steadfastness
I believe the cause of Christ's image being in the countenance of these young men is because of their sacrifice. They spend these two years forgetting their life, serving the Lord, and loving the people. They endure a lot of rejection and disappointment but line upon line, they learn how to stay steadfast in Christ and love through it all. When they sacrifice like that they become beautiful. They can't help it.  

For our Savior, it didn’t matter what the scribes and Pharisees said or did to him. He just kept doing what his Father instructed him to do. This is one of my favorite qualities in him. One example of this is healing on the Sabbath. That act made the Jewish leadership very angry because they had created many detailed encumbering rules about keeping the Sabbath day holy which conflicted with God's laws. But he just kept doing it. 

Another example of standing steadfast is his common association with publicans and sinners, which the Jewish leadership didn’t like much either. They stayed away from such people and prided themselves on their self-exalted status. But our Savior continued his association with them anyway. It caused the higher ranking groups of his society to reject him, persecute him, and want to eliminate him. But he kept walking the pathway his Father laid out for him.

“Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his…” ~Mosiah 5:15

I Hope You Dance
My hope for my own sons and all of these other men of Christ who are getting home from their missions is that they won’t let that fire die out. I don’t want them to grow old and fat and boring and become spiritual dull slugs (#King Noah).

“Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.” ~Isaiah 6:10

This past week I've been listening to this song called, “I Hope You Dance” by LeeAnn Womack. That song pretty much sums up my hope for these boys/men (man-cubs).  And I spin the lyrics “I hope you dance” to mean:  I hope you will continue sacrificing, growing, and becoming more like Christ over time so that you can continue being the best thing ever for your (future) wives, children, and your communities.  I hope you don’t involve yourself in anything that will stunt your growth. I hope you see repentance as a gift and an opportunity, not an accusation.  I hope you will keep your balance in confidence and humility and always work to stay away from pride and envy. I hope you will maintain your allegiance to Christ when the going gets tough or when the going gets pretty boring, instead of turning to other things that could enslave you in the end. I hope you never lose sight of your mission goals even though you have to be concerned with making a living now and other temporal things. My prayers and my heart are with you. Stay beautiful!