Last weekend I watched the movie “Joseph Smith: The Prophet of the Restoration” again. In one of my Special Ops Moms blog posts I wrote how I felt about the movie when I first saw it:
“When I sat in the theater after seeing this for the first time, I could not get up. I just sat there under the dim lights as everyone exited. Wave after wave of soul-piercing energy filled my heart. I didn’t want to let the emotion out because it was way too powerful and sacred. I just tried to contain it all inside of me. It wasn’t like I was just touched. It was more like the crashing waves of the ocean. So powerful. So true. So utterly sweet.
“Again, even in this account of Joseph Smith, I knew the depiction was not perfect. What movie or story can capture actuality? But who he really was came through to me in the interstices—in between the scenes. And the music certainly didn’t help in the way of controlling my emotions either. So much admiration! So much respect for him.
“Some people say we worship Joseph Smith. What I say is I worship Jesus Christ and if a man comes near to being like him, that worship mechanism in my heart activates. It’s telling me, ‘This is a man you can trust’ (D&C 1:38).”
When I watched the movie this weekend I was looking for the specific characteristics that made my heart do what it did. Why was I so profoundly moved by this person? Even after the 6th or 7th time seeing it, my heart was filled with the most intense admiration for a long time afterwards. I have come to recognize that when my heart feels that way, it is testifying of Christ. The characteristic I noticed the most in Joseph Smith was what I’ll call Standing Steadfast in Christ. I’m going to define that characteristic the way I see it in this blog post. It’s not a simple definition.
Synonyms and Definitions for Steadfast
Faithful • Loyal • Committed • Devoted • Constant • Tenacious
• resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering
• tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely
• not readily relinquishing a position, principle, or course of action
The “in Christ” part of this characteristic is key. We can be tenaciously faithful to a Cause that is totally untrustworthy, imbalanced, Survival-of-the Fittest-like, and who will lead us in a direction that will prevent us from obtaining Sustainable Joy and Sustainable Life (false Christs and false prophets). So the adjective steadfast is not sufficient to describe this characteristic I saw in Joseph Smith. The “in Christ” part is what takes time defining. I’ll start out with some short definitions:
• resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering in studying the scriptures and applying what they teach to our lives
• tending to keep a firm hold on Christ’s doctrine; clinging to it or adhering closely to it even when persecuted or ignored because of it
• not readily relinquishing the Holy Ghost and what he is personally guiding us to do when the going gets tough
• not turning and reviling again when others abuse or neglect us
• taking the punch without punching back
“Some were lifted up in pride, and others were exceedingly humble; some did return railing for railing, while others would receive railing and persecution and all manner of afflictions, and would not turn and revile again, but were humble and penitent before God.” ~3 Nephi 6:13
“And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them;” ~Alma 34:40
Revile-
Criticize in an abusive or angrily insulting manner
Rail-
Complain or protest strongly and persistently about
The Preacher
During Joseph Smith’s early life, there were so many people trying to tell him what to do as he was searching for the truth. In the movie they depict an example of these Conflicting Causes with a local preacher character. He seemed to be a family friend. He was trying to convert Joseph and his family to his religion. That’s not a bad thing. Helping our friends learn about what we believe the truth to be is good. We all want to share a good thing when we find it. And this man appeared to be genuinely concerned about Joseph’s soul. The problem was what he was trying to teach him. It was false doctrine. For example, when Joseph’s oldest brother Alvin died the preacher told him that Alvin was lost—damned because he was never baptized. Joseph didn’t know if this was true or not but it caused him a lot of additional pain during a time when he was already grieving. Even if the doctrine the preacher was trying to convey to Joseph were true, was this really the best time to be shoving it down his throat? Whether the preacher meant well or not, he caused Joseph pain. It was a punch in the gut. So what was Joseph’s response? He heard the preacher out but did not respond. That doesn’t mean he agreed with him. In fact we know he didn’t. It’s what he didn’t say or do that amazes me. The natural response when people cause us pain is to defend ourselves.
Another example is when Joseph told the preacher about his sacred vision. The preacher responded by telling him there are no such things as visions in these days. He said God does not talk to people anymore. His communicating with man ended with the death of the apostles.
“Some few days after I had this vision, I happened to be in company with one of the Methodist preachers, who was very active in the before mentioned religious excitement; and, conversing with him on the subject of religion, I took occasion to give him an account of the vision which I had had. I was greatly surprised at his behavior; he treated my communication not only lightly, but with great contempt, saying it was all of the devil, that there were no such things as visions or revelations in these days; that all such things had ceased with the apostles, and that there would never be any more of them.” ~Joseph Smith—History 1:21
That’s pretty offensive. Joseph just told him that he did in fact see God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ. And this man was basically telling him to his face that he was a liar or that he was screwed up. He told Joseph not to speak of it again. Another verbal punch. How did Joseph respond? We know it hurt him inside. He wasn’t impervious to offenses and the sorrow they caused, especially from people who called themselves Christians. But Joseph said nothing. He didn’t turn and revile again. He could have verbally attacked that preacher in self-defense. But he didn’t. He just walked away. Silent.
“And the high priest arose, and said unto him, Answerest thou nothing? what is it which these witness against thee? But Jesus held his peace.” ~Matthew 26:62-63
“Then [Herod] questioned with [Jesus] in many words; but he answered him nothing. And the chief priests and scribes stood and vehemently accused him. And Herod with his men of war set him at nought, and mocked him, and arrayed him in a gorgeous robe, and sent him again to Pilate.” ~Luke 23:8-11
They Mocked Him
Additionally, during Joseph’s early life he was often mocked by the members of his community. In the movie this was depicted in a scene where there were a bunch of men working on the Erie Canal in 1823, among which was his older brother Alvin. When Joseph showed up one man mocked him in front of everyone for his beliefs, his values, what he professed to be true. All the men (except for his brother) joined in laughing their heads off. Pretty heavy punch by a large group of people. A mob-like verbal attack. Joseph didn’t respond. You could tell it hurt him but he did not turn and revile again. Alvin took him under his arm and left with him. That’s amazing in and of itself. By doing so, Alvin joined himself to the subject being mocked, which would put him under direct fire.
The following excerpt from Joseph's history is how he did respond.
“I soon found, however, that my telling the story had excited a great deal of prejudice against me among professors of religion, and was the cause of great persecution, which continued to increase; and though I was an obscure boy, only between fourteen and fifteen years of age, and my circumstances in life such as to make a boy of no consequence in the world, yet men of high standing would take notice sufficient to excite the public mind against me, and create a bitter persecution; and this was common among all the sects—all united to persecute me.
“It caused me serious reflection then, and often has since, how very strange it was that an obscure boy, of a little over fourteen years of age, and one, too, who was doomed to the necessity of obtaining a scanty maintenance by his daily labor, should be thought a character of sufficient importance to attract the attention of the great ones of the most popular sects of the day, and in a manner to create in them a spirit of the most bitter persecution and reviling. But strange or not, so it was, and it was often the cause of great sorrow to myself.
“However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.
“So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.”
~Joseph Smith—History 1:22-25
Now that is the epitome of Standing Steadfast in Christ! He did not turn and revile again but he also continued to hold on to his deep convictions. The abuse and the negligence did not cause him to change his position or to keep it hidden. He held steadfast and took the punches without punching back, while maintaining his course of action. So incredibly like Jesus!!!
“Jesus answered him, I spake openly to the world; I ever taught in the synagogue, and in the temple, whither the Jews always resort; and in secret have I said nothing. Why askest thou me? ask them which heard me, what I have said unto them: behold, they know what I said. And when he had thus spoken, one of the officers which stood by struck Jesus with the palm of his hand, saying, Answerest thou the high priest so? Jesus answered him, If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil: but if well, why smitest thou me?” ~John 18:20-23
“But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:” John 1:12
It's never going to be popular to Stand Steadfast in Christ...until he comes again. Why? Because standing for him should test our faith. It should prove it. So whatever our individual circumstances, we will be tried. Expect it. Don't think something is wrong with you just because your getting persecuted for following the guidance you're receiving from Him personally. Do the best you can to determine that it is His voice you're hearing and then move forward knowing the punches are going to come from somewhere.
“For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say, trample under their feet but I would speak in other words—they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.” ~1 Nephi 19:7
This account in Joseph Smith’s history in combination with his whole life of repeated refusal to to return reviling and railing stand as retribution in and of themselves. They were a solid testimony against all those who persecuted him or treated him like he and his message were worthless. In the end Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, and all those who Stand Steadfast in Christ in the face of adversity receive the heavenly glory. The other guys get none of it. That's a pretty heavy consequence.
“Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.” ~Matthew 5:10-12
“He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day. For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak. And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak.” ~John 12:48-50
Saying Nothing vs. Objectively Answering
Standing Steadfast in Christ is not just about saying nothing in response to a verbal punch. There are many example’s in Christ’s life in which he did respond to contentious, persecuting, accusing people. But he kept his response objective. It wasn’t about vengeful self-defense. It was about teaching them and all of us who are watching him. It wasn’t full of uncontrolled emotions that would compromise his ability to respond in balance. And so we learn from Him: Sometimes it’s best to not say anything at all because the person throwing punches is completely unreasonable or because we do not presently have control over our emotions. But if there are some in our audience that may be receptive and we can keep our response balanced and objective then we are also Standing Steadfast in Christ. Often times, as in Joseph Smith's case, we are able to write a true account of the event in our own history (journal) when our emotions are settled down. If we can hold our tongue even though we are emotionally compromised internally in very difficult situations, we can later report the truth, admitting our imperfections and describing the punches objectively.
"You know, you know, you know, you know we had it right
We don't gotta say anything
Don't gotta say anything
Don't say a word at all
Don't say a word at all
We don't gotta say anything
Don't gotta say anything
Don't say a word at all
Don't say a word at all"
~"San Francisco" 5 Seconds of Summer
I've heard my kids play the above song. I didn't really know what it was about but these lyrics at the end synced well with my soul especially with the topic in this blog post. They seem to carry a completely separate message than the rest of the song. They form a song in and of themselves. The rest is a little sketchy for the sacred message I'm trying to communicate in this blog post so if you find it on the web, forward it to 2.35. They removed the video I originally found and I can't find another one. But awesome musical talent.
In the next blog post I'll talk about the opposite of this strength. It's a weakness that I'm naming: Turning and Reviling Again. I'll do this in order to really drive home the value of Standing Steadfast in Christ.
One of the predominant characteristics of Jesus Christ is being Merciful. Some of the synonyms I use for Merciful are long-suffering, flexible, full of grace, forgiveness, gentleness, kindness, and patience. I love this quality in him. But it wouldn’t be as beautiful to me if I didn’t also know about his Just side.
Just
Some of the synonyms I use for Just are steadfast, immovable, powerful, intense, in control, driven, focused, committed, persistent, take-charge, and goal-oriented IN TRUTH. That last part—in truth—is extremely important to the description of this quality. There have been lots of tyrants in history that have been steadfast, immovable, and driven in their twisted beliefs and ideologies. What makes this quality so amazing in Christ is that it is combined with the Father’s pure truth. I want to spend a little time in this blog post highlighting Jesus’ Just characteristics but as I describe them I’m always keeping in mind that these qualities aren't as valuable to any of us unless they are used to promote truth and are dynamically balanced with Mercy.
Environmental Influences
I’ve been reading a little of Edersheim this week. I see that he believed that Jesus’ life and thinking were significantly influenced by his environment. He seemed to think our Savior formed opinions based on the opinions of others around him, like he was evaluating all of the arguable doctrines in existence to form an eclectic idea of what later turned out to be his doctrine.
“Other influences were at their silent work to weld His inward and outward development, and to determine the manner of His later Manifesting of Himself. We assume that the School-education of Jesus must have ceased soon after His return to Nazareth. Henceforth the Nazareth-influences on the Life and Thinking of Jesus may be grouped—and progressively as He advanced from youth to manhood—under these particulars: Home, Nature, and Prevailing Ideas.” ~"The Life and Times of Jesus The Messiah” by Alfred Edersheim, pg. 173
“But whatever the precise relationship between Jesus and these ‘brothers and sisters,’ it must, on any theory, have been of the closest, and exercised its influence upon Him.” ~"The Life and Times of Jesus The Messiah” by Alfred Edersheim, pg. 174
It almost seems like Edersheim was concluding that, because Jesus had these family members and was raised in a zealot-like community, and because he was raised in such a rural area to have witnessed scenes of nature so often, he turned out the way he did and preached the things that he did.
Edersheim discusses Jesus’ brothers and describes them as cleaving to widely ranging Jewish ideas that represented various parties and movements of their day. I see Jesus as hearing them, evaluating them, and maybe even entering into some discussion with them on their beliefs, but I don’t think their perspectives would have changed his views if they conflicted with His Father’s. He would have seen what was true about their ideas and also what was false. He would have had the ability to evaluate where exactly a philosophy deviated from truth to become false, which meant he also knew how to make it true again by correcting the specific imbalanced reasoning. We know he would have been able to do this spiritually because it’s exactly what he did physically when he healed the people of their physical disabilities, maladies, and diseases. He repaired the cellular dysfunctions in diseased eyes, ears, musculature, bones, or other body systems so that they regained homeostasis and could operate normally.
We can see how he would have responded to his brothers' viewpoints by how he responded to the various groups of people he came in contact with—the Pharisees, Sadducees, Scribes, Lawyers, Essenes, Gentiles, Herodians, Romans, Samaritans, etc. Hearing his brothers' arguments would have only given him a taste of what he would later encounter when he left Nazareth to begin his Ministry.
“Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.” ~Colossians 2:8
“Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm, or shall hearken unto the precepts of men, save their precepts shall be given by the power of the Holy Ghost.” ~2 Nephi 28:31
The Son of God
I think that his environment, including family, nature, and prevailing ideas did influence the type of examples he used to convey his core doctrines to the people. It enabled him to know the people, empathize with them, and thereby be able to better communicate with them. But his core doctrines were not formed or changed by this environment. My reasoning behind this is that Jesus is the Son of God, not only in his physical genetics but also in his spiritual framework. His Father’s DNA was in him and his Father’s TRUTH was in him. And in this he was steadfast and immovable.
“I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things. And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.” ~John 8:28-29
Jesus Christ was and is the product of God. Everything he evaluated or experienced was purposefully and intently organized and defined through his Father's framework. The various societal movements would not have formed his core thinking and teachings. He received his doctrine straight from God.
“Jesus answered them, and said, My doctrine is not mine, but his that sent me.” ~John 7:16
“…the works that I do in my Father’s name, they bear witness of me.” ~John 10:25
His environment just provided the movie screen of examples which played out various ways people and things could be balanced in truth or imbalanced in error. His family’s and community’s various viewpoints, the physical properties in nature, and the societal dynamics he observed only served as scattered building blocks for him to categorize into their appropriate positions in relationship to the framework of truth that was already in Him. And let's not forget he was the one who created all these things in the first place. His life experience must have been more like remembering who he was, what he had already done, and why he seemed to know all the things that he knew. Déjà vu must have been his frequent experience.
"...and many hearing him were astonished, saying, From whence hath this man these things? and what wisdom is this which is given unto him, that even such mighty works are wrought by his hands?" ~Mark 6:2
The quality of being Just was in Jesus in regards to the doctrine that his Father sent him to teach and exemplify. He was no push over. He was no wimp. He had an agenda and was constantly driven to fulfilling it. He was focused and committed. He was an intense, take-charge kind of man.
“And they were astonished at his doctrine: for he taught them as one that had authority, and not as the scribes.” ~Mark 1:22
Very Male
I’ve had some personal experiences with this part of our Savior’s personality. I have to say that this is seriously one of my favorite things about him. But again, it’s because it’s always done to promote truth (teaching me something so I can grow) and is balanced with his Mercy (comforting me, stabilizing me). I grew up in California. My family often went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, which is an amusement park right off the beach. There is a roller coaster there called the Giant Dipper. I road it a number of times every time I went there. As I got older and moved away, I stopped riding roller coasters. I was more interested in life’s real roller coasters and the post-nausea deterred me from having much desire to seek out these kinds of amusements. When we went back in July of 2008 for a family reunion, it had been a long time since I had ridden one. By this point in my life I had developed a pretty close relationship with the Lord. I had developed the ability to keep my mind with His predominantly.
“Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” ~D&C 6:36
I sensed he wanted me to go on the Giant Dipper with my kids. Just have fun with them. I was good watching them enjoy themselves but the instructions were to join them. So I did. Haha. The roller coaster has this drop off in the very beginning that is pretty steep and in the past I always experienced the weightless-stomach-drop fear. But this time when the coaster cars started going over the edge, I could feel His inclinations inside of me. He was riding that roller coaster as if he were in charge of it, as if his foot were on the gas peddle that controlled its speed. His attitude was like, “Bring it on!” I could even sense his desire to increase the speed and altitude. Very male. Definitely not my way of viewing the situation. Yet, after experiencing that with him, I have to say it is one of my top 10 favorite experiences of my life.
Alpha Male
This wasn’t the only time I became more aware of this Alpha-Male-God-like disposition. In August of 2009 on another family vacation in Durango, Colorado at Lake Vallecito, we rented a jet ski. I was in charge of driving it from the dock where we rented it to a dock closer to where we were all staying. This was the first time I had handled a jet ski. I had driven speed boats at Lake Powell but not one of these smaller faster machines. Even though the owners had gone over how to use it, I was nervous. But I took the challenge anyway. So when I got on it with a couple of the kids and started out across the lake, I could feel His confidence inside me, contrasting with my fear. He was urging me to speed up and take some risks. Not crazy stupid risks. He was just telling me to let go a little, relax, have fun. So I sped up. I felt exhilaration inside of me. I felt safe because of him. I couldn't help but exclaim, “Woooohooo!” I sensed that a lot of that need for speed and the exhilaration was him, not me. I was just laughing at it. So funny!
Listen: "Emmanuel" by Amy Grant
So the point of sharing these stories about him is to demonstrate that I felt through personal experience those same Just characteristics that come across in his personality as I read his story in the scriptures. He inherently takes control of the situations he finds himself in. He drives. He is the Alpha Male. As mentioned earlier, some people might have this quality in them and just end up using it to do stupid things. They may force their dominance to accomplish things that result in very bad consequences such as Caesar, Hitler, Napoleon, or other tyrannical historical leaders. Many in our day use it to go overboard in risky behavior and then cry out for someone to save them. Our Redeemer uses it in truth and in balance with his Mercy. That is, he is able to use it to accomplish Sustainable Results that are good—that are exactly what he intended to accomplish. He’s able to see the Results of whatever he does before he even begins. He doesn’t allow himself to get carried away in extremes.
“My name is Jehovah, and I know the end from the beginning; therefore my hand shall be over thee.” ~Abraham 2:8
He Always Has A Purpose
He usually doesn't do things or have me do things just for the heck of it. There is a purpose behind everything. I think his message in hanging out with me on roller coasters and jet skis is that when I am faced with the roller coaster events of life, I need to let go and trust him more. He is my rock. He is my firm foundation. I can rely on him. He knows what he's doing and can handle the situation. He wanted me to look at the stressful situations that come up in my life more as opportunities than things to run away from or avoid. I tend to be very careful to not make choices that end me up in situations I totally regret. We can live our lives by taking too many risks or too little. I tend to err in taking too little. From these experiences, I got the impression that I needed to loosen up my tight grip on life, take more chances, and just let him save me once in a while.
“…he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.” ~Psalms 92:15
“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” ~Matthew 7:24-25
Empowerment
A really cool example to demonstrate how I have seen Him up close using this strength of his to empower others (Merciful) happened on one of our Colorado Cares Days. Our stake does this every year. We join our community to beautify our local parks and open spaces. In August of 2013 we were working on digging up fence posts. I got there a little late so there were many people already at work. I noticed some men were sweating profusely and expending all their energy to get just one post out of the ground. There were several of them working on one post at a time and I could see their progress was way slow. I work a lot in my yard so I’m not a stranger to these kinds of activities. I had dug up tree stakes before and I knew that once they were in the ground it is seriously hard to get them out. These fence posts were similar but heavier, deeper, and bigger. I noticed they were trying to use a tool designed to make this process more efficient. But they had broken one of them already so they were just using their shovels to dig it out. So here’s the cool thing. I was watching them and asked about how the tool worked. They showed me and as they did I saw exactly what they needed to do to make it work right. It was like I could just sense what the problem was. I had never used a tool like that before but I somehow knew how to use it.
They needed to make sure the base was at a 90 degree angle to the post before they put pressure on it to ratchet the post out. They hadn’t dug enough room in front of the post so that the tool could sit flat in the hole like that. But once I pointed that out to them and helped them with the first one, they did it in no time. Out popped the fence post and off they went to do the next one. I noticed them teaching the rest of the men after that so that it became a rewarding challenge to get them out instead of an excruciating back-breaking job that took forever to accomplished next to nothing.
I recognized that the “know-how” didn’t originate with me. It was Him. He knows these things and when I work to keep my mind and spirit with him, his knowledge becomes mine. It’s like he’s logged into my mind and he can see what is going on through my eyes as if they were a FaceTime camera, and he basically thinks the solution and it is simultaneously downloaded to my mind. So I just receive his thoughts and inclinations as if they were my own and then do what he would do to resolve the conflict. This kind of experience is pretty common for me when I’m trying to fix things around the house.
But at the Colorado Cares day it could have been a touchy situation. Me telling those men what to do. So I had to help out as nonchalantly as I could. I had to give the least amount of directions to help them see what they needed to do. I couldn’t do it in pride—like a know-it-all. I had to be humble, objective, strategic. In short, I tried to make it look like they were the ones who figured it out and just quietly moved away after they had done so.
“It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” ~Harry S. Truman
Acknowledgment, Admiration, Gratitude
To acknowledge the presence of the Lord inside of me and his Justice-strengths brings me greater happiness than to claim the credit for myself. I would rather admire than be admired. And that’s saying something because I do like to be admired. I just would rather be admired by someone I totally admire. I can’t develop that admiration for Him if I’m always taking the credit.
It is a total joy to see Jehovah in action. I marvel at his Alpha-Male-no-fear character and his ability to fix anything and everything. I love his behind-the-scenes way of sharing these strengths with me and others without worrying about who gets the credit. This method of communicating is taking a back seat to us. That’s pretty hard for someone to do who has so much drive, natural ability, and knowledge about how everything works. He knows all the answers yet he whispers them to us as we ask for them instead of stepping in front of us and doing it all himself.
So this is how I’m seeing the Lord. First, he is so Just in complete truth. Second, he’s imparting his strengths, skills, and knowledge to men, women, and children who actively seek his presence and guidance without trying to take all the credit. We are At-One-Ment with God. To acknowledge him and his Atoning power is our choice, privilege, and gratitude. When we do, he is more apt to hang out with us and give us his precious confidence and guidance. He is amazingly beautiful! I’m so thankful for these experiences. I love to see who he is. It is the Joy of my existence!
Listen: "When You Say Nothing At All" by Alison Krauss
When I was younger, I didn’t really warm up to the idea of worshipping someone. It made me feel uneasy when I thought of it. I think it’s because if we worship someone who turns around and abuses and neglects us in Pride, our inclination to worship turns into Envy or Fear. I don’t like to Envy people. I stay away from people I fear. And I don’t like to be treated with Pride either. And that happened all too often for me. When I admire someone’s strengths, gifts, or talents, I don’t want it to be about jealousy, fear, or shame that I don’t have what they have or that they are going to take advantage of me. I want it to be about appreciation, love, respect, and gratitude. And it usually includes learning from this person how to develop the same strengths, gifts, or talents.
Being able to evaluate accurately the strengths, gifts, and talents that others have is a strength in and of itself. How could we value them if we did not have the gift of spiritual sight and appreciation? And of what value are strengths, gifts and talents if they are not honestly accepted and appreciated by at least one other person?
I didn’t realize until a number of years ago that worshipping someone was an integral part of my happiness. I had come to a point in my life where I didn’t really admire anyone. I mean I admired certain qualities and characteristics of others here and there but there wasn’t any one person whom I just stood back and went, “Whoa, that is ultimate beauty!” No one really made my heart sing. I didn’t realize at that time that I wanted and needed it to sing more than anything else in the world. My focus was mainly on developing my own strengths, gifts, and talents and wanting to be appreciated for them. But regardless of many years spent on these goals, I was not reaching any kind of fulfillment. I have come to understand that not knowing well enough anyone with a sufficient level of the qualities I deeply admired was the cause of my non-fulfillment. But at the time, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just wasn’t happy. Waves of depression would sometimes wash over me for no apparent reason. And this became more frequent as time went by, no matter how much I tried to develop my own strengths, gifts, and talents.
It was around the years 2003-2004 (about 32-34 years old) when these questions and thoughts came frequently into my mind: “Who is Jesus Christ? You say that you worship him. You’ve taken upon you his name through baptism. But who is he? Do you really know what you worship?”
“Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.” ~John 4:22-23
“For unto such hath God promised his Spirit. And they who worship him, must worship in spirit and in truth.” ~JST John 4:26 (see footnote a)
That’s when I started studying him more directly. I made the New Testament apart of my daily scripture study. I had been reading “The Kingdom and the Crown” series by Gerald Lund, which helped me understand the New Testament much better. It gave me the background on the individual groups of people in Jesus’ society such as the Pharisees, Sadducees, Publicans, Scribes, Lawyers, Priests, etc. These all can be summarized into the Jewish Leadership of his day. They were the Causes of the Jewish world masquerading as the Priesthood Leadership chosen by God. So with this foundational understanding, I was able to see much better what Jesus was up against. Seeing his opposition, enabled me to see his strength and all I could do was marvel at it. Whoa, that is ultimate beauty!
He was like a professional baseball player hitting home-runs off of every curve ball he was pitched. Some people like to watch a lot of professional sports. And I will admit that it is quite enjoyable to watch the performance of individuals who have developed a high level of proficiency in a given talent. But to watch the performance of a Man-God who has developed a high level of proficiency in the talent of humanity—relationships, the soul, the life, how to handle the Tempter’s Pride and Envy without deviating from Confidence and Humility, and all that means the most to every living being on this earth—is the climax of my entire existence.
It was like reading a story about a character that inspired me to the point of changing my entire life. I saw Him going through trials that were intensely difficult and no one around him knew just how difficult they were. But I did. I knew he was the Son of God, the Savior of the World and many of those he came to save were treating him like dirt. I knew the behind the scenes story. I knew his value and saw how people should be listening to him. He came to heal them, teach them, warn them, show them. But many treated him with disrespect, contempt or just completely ignored him. Many eventually had the gall to kill him. Yet they owed him their lives. And can you believe they had the TOTAL BLESSING of seeing him perform IN PERSON? IN PERSON!!! What lucky bums! And did they worship him? Oh, how I wish my life were in his days! I’m hoping that I was watching him from heaven and some day I will be able to remember it in all of its glorious details.
“Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day: and he saw it, and was glad.” ~John 8:56
“For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.” ~Matthew 13:17
“And now we only wait to hear the joyful news declared unto us by the mouth of angels, of his coming; for the time cometh, we know not how soon. Would to God that it might be in my day; but let it be sooner or later, in it I will rejoice.” ~Alma 13:25
“Dearest children, holy angels
Watch your actions night and day,
And they keep a faithful record
Of the good and bad you say.”
~Dearest Children, God Is Near You
In reading his story in the New Testament, I watched how he responded to all this. I saw how he didn’t force his identity upon them or force them to appreciate what he was doing for them. He just continued to do everything he was sent to do in love and compassion. Yet there were times when he censured certain people. He corrected them. But knowing him, I knew he was doing that out of love for them (like a good father would), not out of self-protection or Pride/Envy resentment. He knew the direction they were headed. He knew the hell they were going to live in for eternity if they kept going on that pathway. It was his eternal motivation to save them from living in that hell eternally while still allowing them to retain their agency.
With the gift of the Holy Ghost I was able to liken his opposition to my own. I saw that people were still acting like the Jewish Leadership of his day. I was being thrown curve balls similar to the ones that he was thrown. It’s important to recognize this to be able to understand why I feel the way I do when others treat me with Pride/Envy—Abuse/Neglect (even when it is subtly and fiery-snake-ally done) and to know what I should do in response. So when I saw how Jesus felt about them and then how he responded to them, I was able to liken that to how I felt and how I could respond to them. This was the beginning of the escape from my prison. He showed me how to get out. He unlocked the door for me. His truth made me free.
“And the Lord said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.” ~Numbers 21:8-9
“We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms.” ~Bonnie L. Oscarson
“I the Lord have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.” ~Isaiah 42:6-7
Listen: “He Showed Me How” by David Archuleta
In 2006 (35-36 years old) when I started studying the structure of story, I remember seeing two distinct stories or structures emerging in my mind: The Pride Story and then His story (I think I called this the Truth Story). Subsequently I’ve named it all kinds of other things like Desire Obtainment, Conflict Resolution, Paradoxical Living, Summarization and Expansion, Faith/Sacrifice/Confidence/Humility, Balance, the Heart Compass, the Zone, the Threshold, the Safe Place, Mercy—the balance between Justice and Time, the Covenant or Commitment, Steadfastness and Change, and the Servant—CPER X Days 1-7. These are all the concepts I write about. And it is all in efforts to describe the dynamic balanced nature of our Savior Jesus Christ that has been slowly but surely taking form in my mind. At one point I recognized I was actually studying the Atonement of Jesus Christ and he was showing it to me in a way I had never seen it before. The scriptures were the predominant text but then with all my endless questions, He took it and showed me himself from a perspective that was so amazingly beautiful that I couldn’t even believe someone this wonderful existed!
“Can't close my eyes
I'm wide awake
Every hair on my body
Has got a thing for this place
Oh, empty my heart
I've got to make room for this feeling
So much bigger than me”
~“Can’t Take It In” by Imogen Heap”
“This constant contrast [the dynamic balance of her Son] before her eyes only deepened in the heart of Mary the ever-present impression of ‘all those matters’ [sayings], of which she was the most cognisant. She was learning to spell out the word Messiah, as each of ‘those matters’ taught her one fresh letter in it, and she looked at them all in the light of the Nazareth-Sun.” ~"The Life and Times of Jesus The Messiah” by Alfred Edersheim, pg 173
Wow, what a blessing for Mary to be able to see with her physical eyes our Savior’s choices, actions, mannerisms, reflexive behavior, and facial expressions! But it’s interesting to hear Edersheim describe what he believed the development of Mary’s relationship with her Son looked like. I believe we all have the potential to come to know Him, his inclinations, desires, impulses, and ways of thinking through the Spirit regardless of what age we live in. And when we do, I think it happens line upon line similar to Mary’s experience. I know that has been true for me.
I remember on many days after I finished studying about him and had to go back to doing the dishes. I looked at the framed picture I had of him that was sitting on the windowsill above the sink and often said in my mind, “I know who you are.” And when I said this, I felt the worship. Feeling worship is something that can’t be faked. I can’t do fake. I have been censured for attempting fake worship. It makes me feel so gross. This worship was not fake. All my heart wrapped around him and I just shook my head in acknowledgment of his utter and complete beauty. Then something happened in return, which surprised me. I saw or rather felt him looking back at me. Now some people, when they are aware of your admiration, stick out their chin and walk away from you in Pride. They treat you like, “Ya that’s right. Worship me. But I won’t give you the time of day to notice who you are.” Other people will respond in Envy—just deny it when you compliment them or try to defer it. He wasn’t doing that.
There were two things he was doing. The first was he acknowledged my acknowledgment. He was telling me that what I was seeing was indeed the truth about him. And he wasn’t denying it. He wasn’t embarrassed because of my worship. He was accepting it and just standing there right in front of me receiving it full on. My admiration was pretty intense but he received it like it just fit into his puzzle perfectly. And wow, that just doubled my worship!
The second was that he was admiring me back. He was appreciating my admiration. He was grateful that I was taking the time to know him for who he really was. And it did take time. Time and sacrifice of other things I could be doing and could be partaking of. He was thankful for my love. I could sense that it gave him Peace and Energy. To explain this in words doesn’t compare to the feelings that filled me during these sacred moments or to the Joy that was steadily increasing in intensity and sustainability in my heart over time. And this is what made the depression go away. This relationship and the development of it. It also is what filled me with the Desire to become more like him. It totally filled me with Charity. I had the capacity to love, to forgive, to sacrifice more than I had ever done before in my life. The anger that I had felt so predominantly in my heart as a reaction to my personal opposition went away too. It was total freedom!
“Whatever you do
I'll do it too
Show me everything
And tell me how
It all means something
And yet [EVERYTHING] to me
I can see there is so much to learn
It's all so close
And yet so far
I see myself
As [He] see[s] me
Oh I just know there's something bigger out there[!]”
~"Strangers Like Me" by Phil Collins from Disney’s Tarzan
I'm not saying I was way far away from Him before. I had been reading my scriptures daily since I was 14 years old and praying daily since I was about half that age. I had been attending church since I was born and was baptized and received the Holy Ghost at age 8. I had been striving to apply what I knew of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for many years. I had received my temple endowments and was married in the temple. Yet I realize now that what I had needed throughout all the years of my life previous to this point was to COME CLOSER to worship, admire, and praise our Savior Jesus Christ to the point that my heart was satisfied. I had to put in the work to study him, to examine him more closely in the records we have of him. I had to say, “Whatever you do, I’ll do it too. Show me everything, tell me how.” I had to start attending the temple more frequently and learn from that higher level "university." That’s worship—finding out who he is and why he did what he did and then striving to implement the same way of living into our lives. That was the foundational process I needed to engage in consistently in order to obtain Sustainable Joy. The Result of worshipping Him with all my heart, might, mind and strength, was the beautiful feeling that came and stayed in my heart so that nothing was more important to me than keeping it there.
“When we worship, we open our hearts to the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Our lives become the token and expression of our worship. My brothers and sisters, spiritual experiences have less to do with what is happening around us and everything to do with what is happening within our hearts. It is my witness that true worship will transform ordinary Church meetings into extraordinary spiritual feasts. It will enrich our lives, broaden our understanding, and strengthen our testimonies. For as we incline our hearts to God, like the ancient Psalmist, we “enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: [we are] thankful unto him, and bless his name.” ~Bishop Dean M. Davies
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| Sustainable Energy |
So let’s break worship down to summarize the steps: The study and pondering of the life of Jesus Christ triggered my worship feelings—my admiration. And that admiration triggered our Savior’s reciprocal love for me. I could feel it, sense it. I became aware of it. That was amazing! That triggered my motivation to keep it there by learning how to respond to the opposition, blessings, and responsibilities in my life as he responded to his. It provided motivation to shut down the Pride/Envy Story. The two stories—His Confidence/Humility Story and Satan’s Pride/Envy Story—cannot reside in the same heart simultaneously. I have learned that if I fall short of spending the amount of time and depth I need to worship him, I lose consciousness of his love for me and my love for him. Subsequently the Charity inside me for others wanes—the engine stops running so smoothly and sometimes even stops all together. I must choose to sacrifice my time to studying Jesus Christ consistently to the level that sustains me. I have learned to sacrifice other conflicting choices to do this. Worshipping Jesus Christ fuels the engine of Charity, which is the source of Sustainable Joy. I have found no other way to obtain fulfillment so utterly and completely satisfying.
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
"And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
"And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
"Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
"Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
"Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
"Charity never faileth:"
~1 Corinthians 13:1-8
“I am acquainted with Church members who accept as true the doctrine and principles contained in the scriptures and proclaimed from this pulpit. And yet they have a hard time believing those gospel truths apply specifically in their lives and to their circumstances. They seem to have faith in the Savior, but they do not believe His promised blessings are available to them or can operate in their lives. I also encounter brothers and sisters who fulfill their callings dutifully but for whom the restored gospel has not yet become a living and transforming reality in their lives. We come to know the Lord as we not only believe in Him but also believe Him and His assurances.” ~Elder David A. Bednar
