Spinning Like a Wobbly Top

The default when we are born into this world is that we all experience the Lord’s Peace continuously. It is given to us in the Northern Threshold and it is incredibly sustaining. We may not even realize we are being supported in this way until we separate ourselves from it by centrifugally spinning outward into NW and NE extremes. His Peace wanes as we increase the width of the arch of our spin. We move centrifugally instead of centripetally – our arrows point outward towards the imbalance instead of inward towards the balance.

"For the word of the Lord is truth, and whatsoever is truth is light, and whatsoever is light is Spirit, even the Spirit of Jesus Christ.

"And the Spirit giveth light to every man that cometh into the world; and the Spirit enlighteneth every man through the world, that hearkeneth to the voice of the Spirit." -D&C 86:45-46

In order to best understand what I'm talking about in this post, you should have previously read these posts:

I Have a Tale to Tell

I Learned My Lesson Well

I Know Where Beauty Lives

It Shines Inside You

The Secrets I Have Learned

Somebody Save Me

In 2006-08, the Lord taught me about these concepts. I learned about the semantic meaning behind the words Peace, Energy, Faith, and Sacrifice. 

Peace

Peace is comfort, spiritual nourishment, and rest. It is when we feel loved, cherished, cared for.

Energy

We experience an outward flow of Energy, which is somewhat painful when we voluntarily sacrifice for others.

Sacrifice

Sacrifice is when you expend effort and forego personal comfort in order to provide Peace for someone else. You parent in Mercy. Mercy is Justice over Time. You give your kids a space and time to learn, make mistakes, and grow. You do not exercise an excessive amount of Justice upon them. But you do train and educate them so they can learn higher-level functional relationship skills over time because God's Justice (the objective reality we all live in) incrementally increases over time.



Faith

We experience Peace when we put our Faith and trust in someone who has the will and capacity to help us bear our burdens – someone who voluntarily sacrifices for us. We hope to be parented in Mercy. We hope to have a space and time to learn, make mistakes, and grow. We submit ourselves to be trained and educated so we can learn higher-level function relationship skills over time.

I capitalize these words in my writing because I was trained to choose one word out of many synonyms to represent a semantic concept. That has been hard because every word adds a different brushstroke of meaning to my visualization of each of the variables.

Voluntary Sacrifice

Learning about these concepts helped me to understand that I needed to be sacrificing for my kids in Mercy. Mercy is just another word for the Northern Threshold. So, learning my role for them was very helpful. Parenting in Mercy is hard. It requires muscle, strength, sacrifice. It is supposed to hurt, but not be overwhelming. When I strive to parent centripetally in the Northern Threshold, I experience both the pain of Sacrifice and the Savior’s Peace, which when balanced is Joy.

It was important for me to understand that there was no other way for me to experience Joy. No one else could give it to me. Not even the Savior. I could experience his Peace, but without my Voluntary Sacrifice, I could not experience Joy. And I craved the Joy. I didn’t want to just sit around a feel comfortable because that actually turns into boredom and depression, which is the Northeast side of the Compass. I will talk about that in my next blog post. In this one, I will focus on the Northwest side.

Northwest Parenting

So, I already was sacrificing for my kids. In the 90s, when I was living in New Jersey and then later in Westminster, Colorado, the sacrifice parenting required of me was at the top of my NW threshold. Too often it escalated into overwhelming.

I’ll compare Sacrifice to running. In order to be a parent at the level I understood that to be, I was continually required to sprint at the top of my zone, and I was hitting my spiritual heart-rate-max too often. And this exhausted me. It made me feel like a total failure. I looked around at other moms “running beside me” that seemed to not be struggling at all. They were in the center of their zones. So, what the heck was wrong with me?

I wanted to keep up. I wanted to be a good mom. I had planned it that way. Why couldn’t I do this?

Even though I was struggling so intensely, I would not leave my post. In looking back, I see myself as Horton the elephant in the Dr. Seuss story, “Horton Hatches the Egg.” I was definitely as stubborn as he was in my commitment to stay home with my kids no matter how difficult the sacrifice.

“I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An Elephant’s faithful one hundred percent.”

The storms and other sources of adversity that threatened to push me out of my nest were not only coming from external sources, but they were also coming from an intense internal source. I’m saying that my own inabilities over-intensified the way I felt more so than the storm itself. I wasn’t as patient and long-suffering as Horton. My parenting skills needed work. There were many times when my performance was subpar. I needed to be educated, retrained, strengthened, re-loved, re-parented in order to weather these storms more like Horton did. 

His Re-Parenting Process

It helped me immensely when the Lord showed me how to diagram my Processes (Faith and Sacrifice) and Effects (Peace and Energy) using a Compass as a metaphor. It empowered me with the knowledge of what was happening inside of me and how I could control it.

Northwest

He showed me that this is what was happening when I veered off into the Northwest:

Too Little Peace

I experienced hunger, discomfort, and unrest. I could not feel loved, cherished, or cared for. This is where the intense desire to be saved was coming from.

Too Much Sacrifice

I was Sacrificing too much for how little Peace I was receiving (or had received growing up). I didn’t anticipate motherhood being that hard. When conflicts arose, I didn’t know how to resolve them in a functional way – in Balanced Mercy. And this is all relative. I wasn’t completely dysfunctional. The issue was that I wasn’t happy with the level of my functionality. It seemed to sharply conflict with the eternal person that I really was. Thus, the intense battle within me. I needed to increase my ability to voluntarily sacrifice, but I didn’t know how. I needed to learn more Justice over Time = Mercy.

Too Much Pain

There was too much Energy flowing out of me because I was trying to parent my kids in the NW with too much Justice. I experienced too much stress. I was expecting too much of them and myself too soon. I didn’t know how else to do it. This was how I was raised. I mean, I didn’t like the disciplinary methods used upon me when I was a child and knew I should not discipline like that, but I didn’t realize that my expectations of children were one of the products of being raised like that. This was my understanding of Justice and Mercy. I definitely was not able to see that I was even contemplating these concepts at the time. But in hindsight, I could see that I was constantly trying to figure them out. While I would not let the abuse pass down upon my children if I had anything to do with it, I wasn’t yet able to figure out this Justice and Mercy thing. Therefore, I was a wall against the intense internal Justice that I had been raised with. It was continuously trying to force me to pass this onto my children, but I fought it like crazy to stop it. So much internal conflict.

Too Little Faith

This is where my relationship with Jesus Christ came in. I didn’t know that he had my back. I didn’t know how interactive he could be in my life. When it came to the day-to-day motherhood routine and all the little conflicts that arose between me and my kids, I didn’t realize I could trust him. I didn’t know about his Mercy for me. I had heard all of my life about Jesus Christ. I had loved him from a distance. I just didn’t know what his Atoning Sacrifice had to do with me, how it applied to me. And I didn’t know his governing style. So, I had too little faith in him. 

The Northwest side of the Semantic Compass is Fear or Anxiety. The Result was that I was spinning like a wobbly top ready to topple over.

It’s My Party

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you." ~Lesley Gore

It was my 7th or 8th birthday and we had a party with my friends at my house.  There was some kind of disagreement during the party between my mom and me.  I’m not saying I was right.  In fact I was probably wrong.  Keep in mind that throughout my life I have been repeatedly given the description by my parents, siblings, and others as being naturally strong-willed.  But this is one of the earliest memories I have of being swallowed up into the Belly of the Whale (read the following blog post to know what that means:  The Belly of the Whale). It wasn’t as harsh back then as it came to be in my later years but I left the party and went and hid myself in the bathroom in a cubby under the sink.  I remember being mad at my mom and embarrassed in front of my friends.

The same kind of episode repeated itself at another party—my 12th birthday party.  My mom and I got in a dispute over something in front of all my friends (both boys and girls, which included a boy I had a crush on).  Again, I can’t remember what it was about and I’m sure my strong-will was a major culprit so I was probably in the wrong.  Again, I was swallowed up into the Belly of the Whale.  I left the party and went up to my room.  I was mad at my mom and totally embarrassed in front of my friends.

Loggerheads is a good word to describe the reason for these conflicts.  It is when two people’s opposing wills or goals meet to result in a stubborn dispute or disagreement.

Unfortunately these Loggerhead experiences with my mom repeated themselves at more frequent intervals and grew more intense as I grew older.  My strong will, my stubbornness, my anger intensified.  I came to see myself as a rebellious teenage girl.  My relationship with my mom was NOT good. “It’s my way or the highway,” was the lesson I was learning.  There were so many major blow-ups between us, which sent me into the Belly of the Whale.  This is how I learned to deal with conflicts:  When there are two opposing opinions the stronger of the two forces her will upon the weaker of the two.  The weaker fights as hard as she can to get her way but in the end is overcome by the stronger.  Survival of the Fittest.  Unconsciously I applied this teaching in many of my other relationships.  When I was the stronger, I would win but the strange thing was that I ended up in the Belly of the Whale anyway!  I just wasn’t even capable, wasn’t even close to understanding what was going on and how I could avoid the Belly.

Fast forward about 13 years.  I was married and had a two-year-old boy (Aaron).  We lived in New Jersey.  I was helping a neighbor out by walking her kids to the bus stop.  Aaron and I walked them over to the bus stop and watched them get on the school bus.  Aaron really wanted to get on that bus too.  So badly that he was screaming his head off about it.  I couldn’t let him get on the bus because that was against the rules.  Yet he was fighting me as if I was in the wrong.  Loggerheads.  I pit my will against his and went head to head.  I picked him up, restrained him so very tightly and harshly in my arms and walked back to our apartment.  I was so angry inside.  I was so mad at him.  I was swallowed into the Belly of the Whale.  I was the stronger in the relationship.  I won the battle.  It was my way or the highway.  And he was wrong.  Two-year-olds couldn’t get on the school bus and go to school.  That’s the truth.  I was right.  Yet I was swallowed up once again into the Belly of the Whale.

These conflicts with Aaron and then with Chris and then with Matthew repeated and became more heated over the next several years.  I got into the Belly of the Whale for using my strength to restrain and fight against them at Loggerheads.  Yet I was trying to enforce the rules of my home, the rules of my community, the rules of my church, and the rules of God. 

Because of these rules and the inevitable chaotic will of a child, every parent is going to come to Loggerheads with his/her children. Children will break the rules.  They will not want to obey them.  It is the way that it is.  Yet the rules are what they are too and most parents recognize the fact that we need to keep them and teach our children to keep them.  I did not know that this was an age-old conflict let alone how to resolve it.  My instinct and knee-jerk reaction was to allow the anger from such a conflict to burn and burn until it was wild fire inside of me.  In any Loggerhead conflict there is contention on both sides no matter who is right and who is wrong.  When two wills are pit against each other, that is the effect.

I chose force to resolve these conflicts with my children.  I guess I didn’t actually choose it because I didn’t understand the other option.  Loggerheads Force was written in my genetic code.  I didn’t know any different way even though the Belly of the Whale episodes communicated to me that the way I was trying to resolve wasn’t right (see Paradoxical vs. Survival Parenting. This blog post is actually the prequel to that one).

Choosing force caused me to lose the Spirit even more.  Those are the rules of the game.  God, our General Cause, cannot support us when we choose force as our first way of resolving conflicts with another person.  If we do not first strive to see if there is a way to talk things over, see the other person’s point of view, see his/her desire as valid, and come up with a compromise where all involved can be satisfied, we will only perpetuate the conflict, the anger, and the contention.  Because I didn’t know to do this or understand how to, I was left alone spiritually to "kick against the pricks" (Acts 9:5; D&C 121:38).  That was supposed to be a warning for me, a censure.   Because I didn’t understand why I was being censured or what to do to correct myself, all I felt was a terrible feeling inside of me plus major confusion.  I'm sure my mom didn't understand this whole thing either and most likely her mother didn't know, and so on.

As anger dissipated I would feel ashamed of my behavior because I knew I shouldn’t be angry and forceful with children.  I needed to be loving and kind.  Yet I had no idea how to teach/enforce rules AND be loving and kind.  The shame locked me into the Belly of the Whale.  Because these episodes repeated and I didn’t know what was going on, I began to experience fear—fear of the Belly.  I associated that fear and anger with my interactions with my children.  I began to hate motherhood, hate myself, and not want to be around my children.

But I had another rule meet me here:  I was supposed to love my kids from my heart.  I was a bad mother for not wanting to be around my children and would be an even worse mother if I neglected my kids in any way.  In order to force myself to be a good mother, I forced myself to not run and hide but to continue parenting while in the Belly of the Whale almost perpetually for years and years with only very small pockets of sunlight.  I did love my kids but my fear and anger were getting in the way of that.  What I did for them—the sacrifices I made--were not being made voluntarily.  And there was always some sort of societal judgment panel sitting on my shoulder all the time (#theJudge).  Total Bondage.  Locked in a prison:  My idea of what I was supposed to be and FEEL for my kids verses what I actually was and FELT for them.  The worst conflict ever for one who I have come to realize needs to love from the depths and purity of her heart or she is not okay.  The result was that I developed a hatred of myself.  Misery.  And an associative repulsion towards my kids—the very people I was giving my whole life for.  I imagine this is what hell would be like.

I was a bad child.  I was a bad mother.  Yet these shame/hatred feelings didn’t stop the Loggerheads Force behavior because I didn’t know they were connected or how to resolve the conflicts that arose between parents’ rules and children’s rules.  And you can bet I had these Loggerhead experiences with my husband and with others.  I grew up thinking I was very disagreeable and generally out of control.  And the issue was that I didn’t want to be a bad person, a bad daughter, a bad mother, a bad wife, a bad sister in Zion.  I wanted to be good like nobody’s business!  It just wasn’t happening.  I didn’t have the skills.  That’s how I came to hate myself and feel like there was no place for me in my family, my community, or anywhere.  

I don’t mean to be mean to my past self but I would have to say that because of all of this, I had many characteristics of a SHREW.  Here’s the definition the dictionary gives for that:  “a bad-tempered or aggressively assertive woman.” I say this in a loving way because I understand the reason behind it now.  An inability to resolve conflict developed in my youth resulted in this shrew-like characteristic in me.

Fast forward 15 years to another Birthday Party.  I had been working on achieving a goal for three years.  I had completed it at least 3 times but knew that it really wasn’t done.  I felt exhausted in my own strength.  I thought maybe the answer to completing it was to set a date that I would finish, pray for the Lord's help, and do my part as best I could.  So in May of 2009 I decided that I wanted to finish it by my birthday.

It’s important to note here that by this time I had spent years developing my communication relationship with the Lord—my Cause.  I was working with him on this project.  It was for him, of him, and by him that I had made any progress on it thus far.  And I knew that when I finished it I would be able to obtain what I wanted.  So I had been in close contact with him about this whole thing for years.  I felt that when I set the date of my birthday to complete it and committed to doing my part, he nodded his head and said, “Okay, I will do mine.”

It’s also important to note that by this time in my life the Lord had literally become my Savior.  He was my knight in shining armor.  He was training me how to deal with Loggerheads!  He was rewriting my spiritual DNA and I was becoming calm.  It was literally the “Taming of the Shrew.”  But I know he didn’t look at me like that in a mean way.  He knew why I was the way that I was.  He also knew how to get me out of this bondage.

When my birthday came, I still hadn’t finished it but held out hope and faith in the Lord.  The day was filled with lots of other motherhood tasks.  Laura had a dress rehearsal for her dance recital.  I was there for hours.  It was a distracting environment, totally not conducive to the quiet, pondering environment I needed to finish the project.  I couldn’t even work on it let alone finish it.  I was all tied up in knots.  I couldn’t think clearly to save my life.  A mild beginning of the Belly of the Whale.

By the end of the day, I fell on my bed and cried.  I felt betrayed.  My desire was a righteous one.  I knew that.  I knew the Lord wanted me to complete this project so why, why didn’t he come through for me when I had worked so diligently to do my part?  Where were his miracles?  Did he not have one for me?  I went to bed still tied in knots and feeling a reaction of rebellion in my heart in response to the rejection I felt from him.  The Belly of the Whale was swallowing me whole.  I was at Loggerheads with the person I had come to value more than anyone else in my life!  My relationship with him was my only solace and now we were in conflict.

The next day I wrestled with this feeling.  I wanted to turn from him.  I was mad at him.  He hurt me.  I had trusted him and it seemed like he had violated that trust.  I was tempted to walk away and say forget it then, forget everything.  At the same time I knew he was a perfect God and if anyone was out of balance it was me.  But that twisted me up even more.  I didn’t know how I could obey his rules any better than I had and yet he still wasn't giving me what I wanted, what I knew he knew I needed.

He stayed with me.  I understood that he was trying to get me to look at my feelings and the situation objectively.  But it was hard for me.  I was tempted to say some angry things to him. The other part of me didn’t want to ever sully our relationship like that.  I felt his love and compassion for me.  He was trying to tell me that he understood how I felt and that I had a right to feel this way.  This was a hard thing I was doing.  

Then why didn’t he help me complete the project?  I somehow understood that he couldn’t do that.  He wasn’t going to budge on that one.  There were certain lines he couldn’t cross, certain laws he had to keep and was asking me to keep.  This was one of them.  I didn’t understand that.  I still felt upset.  I came to a threshold, a point of decision that he was guiding me to.  Would it be my will or would it be our relationship?  Which would I sacrifice?  My life, my will, my way or his way, his will, and our life?  It wasn’t really about my will verses his.  It was about my will verses our relationship because I had two wills here—two desires.  I wanted my way in my timing and I wanted our relationship—which was also my way.

There are a million songs that sing about love conquering all.  At this moment I felt it literally impossible to give my will—my life—up (this immediate desire), but because of my love for the Lord I had no other choice.  He had saved me from that Shrew-like person and all the consequences attached to it.  He had helped me to love again.  He had made me sweet where I used to be bitter.  I was able to love my kids and myself only because of his coming into my life and being there for me.  I could not and would not give up this relationship even for my own right-here-and-right-now life.  I would not go back to being a shrew and that’s certainly what would happen to me if I did.  I had to let go.  So I let go.  I free-fell backwards.  I gave in.  I submitted.  I repented.  I was a strong-will child again, submitting to my parent’s will voluntarily and out of love.

Over the next hours a sweet peace filled my soul as well as a feeling of admiration on both sides.  I totally admired him for the way he dealt with me through this trial.  No one had ever treated my strong-will with such kindness, patience, and respect.  What a blessing he was to me!  I also felt his admiration of me.  I could feel him looking on me with pleasure for the strength it took to give up my will for our relaitonship.  I felt my worth more that day than I ever had in my life.  And that spun my love for him into the tightest knot ever!  This was a feeling that was the exact opposite of the Belly of the Whale.  He was actually praising me for submitting to his will and treating it like a gift I had given to him!  Oh the beauty!  Oh, the unparalleled Joy of interacting with him!  What can I call this opposite Belly of the Whale place?  The Heart of God?  The Bosom of God?  The Bowels of Mercy? Within a few days I understood from a higher perspective why I couldn’t have what I wanted on that day.  I understood why the Lord could not cross that line.  I understood the rules.  Yet in a way, and in hindsight, I wonder if the birthday gift I was given on that day was indeed the means by which I have completed what I have on this project and the means by which I will continue to complete it.

 

There’s one more story that has to be told to complete this overall story.  By the time my daughter came to serious Loggerheads-age, I had thankfully been retaught how to work with her.  It was about 30 years after my 12th birthday, when the following Loggerheads experience occurred with my own 12-year-old daughter.  Again, I can’t remember exactly what the dispute was about but I remember I did not provoke her to wrath.

I remember I could not cross the line she wanted me to cross for her.  She was very mad at me and told me she hated me.  She then was swallowed up into the Belly of the Whale.  Compassion filled me because I saw myself in her.  I knew what she was suffering.  I remember it and I didn’t want her to be attacked like that—for an attack of the adversary it certainly is.  I learned through these tween and teen years that once she became this upset about something, she was stuck there for hours and hours in total misery.  I couldn’t get her out.  Her three older brothers didn’t have this issue.  They would get upset, I would send them to timeout, and then I would just talk with them about what happened and how we could both do better next time, and out they would come—all perked up and ready to recommit and go on with life.  My girl on the other hand could not do this as I could not when I was younger.  We are emotional creatures and many of us are very strong-willed.  We feel things deeply.

On this occasion of her entrapment—her imprisonment in the Belly, I got the idea to bring her my journal from when I was a teen.  I had recently been re-reading it.  I had written in it a few times when I had been in the Belly as a result of conflicts with my mom.  I opened it to the place where my mother wouldn’t let me get my drivers permit when I wanted to get it.  It has the following words etched deeply into the page with a ball-point pen, “I HATE MY MOTHER!”  I gave this to Laura. I wanted her to know two things:  that I understood how she felt.  I had also felt that way towards my mother at times.  And that she was not a terrible person for feeling that way towards someone who she was at Loggerheads with.  That was normal.  I didn’t hate her back.  While I couldn’t cross certain lines—couldn’t let her have her way in this specific situation—I understood how hard it was for her to bend her will to mine. 

I think the journal helped her because she came out of her room not long after and seemed to be normal again--a veritable miracle!  She wasn’t overly angry with me.  The conflict between us didn’t perpetuate.  It subsided and she was rescued from the Belly of the Whale.  She has grown since then.  She’s 15, almost 16 now.  Loggerheads still occur sometimes but they are not getting more intense over time.  They are getting less intense.  She rarely gets swallowed up into the Belly.  And when she is upset, she doesn’t go as deep and is able to recover much more quickly.  I see her resolving Loggerhead conflicts with others in an admirable way.  I am so thankful to her and my Cause for that.

I have learned not to shove my will down my kids’ throat (...and am noticing that I still need to work on it since writing this blog).  My Cause has taught me how to look for alternative solutions if at all possible.  He has taught me how to reason with them and work with them to come up with an appropriate compromise so the situation won’t come to angry intense Loggerheads.  I have not wanted them to learn, “No you can’t!  I’m the parent!  You have to obey!  End of story!” I have wanted them to learn how to work together with me to obtain what they want within the rules. There have been times when no matter how much we have tried to talk it out, a compromise couldn’t be achieved.  That meant Loggerheads.  But that was my cue for empathy and compassion, not triumph and pride.  And when they submitted to the rules, that was my cue to admire them like the Lord had admired me.

Above all I did not want them to learn that if you could get the advantage over another person because of your age, position, strength, or intelligence then use it to get your way.  If they saw that I was doing that, they would learn to treat other people like that.  They would treat their children like that.  Then they would hate parenthood and themselves like I had done for so many years.  I would not pass that heritage down to them.  I would stop that, shield them from that.  

The Lord stopped it.  I let him, pleaded for him to stop it.  I don’t think in that specific situation with Laura that I was thinking, “Because the Lord did this for me, I will do this for my daughter.”  It’s just that he had treated me that way so many different times that I had become like him.  I treated others as I loved to be treated.  He is truly my Savior.  He enabled me to love my children, love motherhood, and love myself and in so doing he loved my children.  He rescued them from the years of hell I went through.  I love him for that! 

Standing Steadfast in Christ

Last weekend I watched the movie “Joseph Smith: The Prophet of the Restoration” again. In one of my Special Ops Moms blog posts I wrote how I felt about the movie when I first saw it: 

“When I sat in the theater after seeing this for the first time, I could not get up.  I just sat there under the dim lights as everyone exited. Wave after wave of soul-piercing energy filled my heart. I didn’t want to let the emotion out because it was way too powerful and sacred. I just tried to contain it all inside of me. It wasn’t like I was just touched. It was more like the crashing waves of the ocean. So powerful. So true. So utterly sweet.   

“Again, even in this account of Joseph Smith, I knew the depiction was not perfect. What movie or story can capture actuality? But who he really was came through to me in the interstices—in between the scenes. And the music certainly didn’t help in the way of controlling my emotions either. So much admiration! So much respect for him.

“Some people say we worship Joseph Smith. What I say is I worship Jesus Christ and if a man comes near to being like him, that worship mechanism in my heart activates. It’s telling me, ‘This is a man you can trust’ (D&C 1:38).”

When I watched the movie this weekend I was looking for the specific characteristics that made my heart do what it did. Why was I so profoundly moved by this person? Even after the 6th or 7th time seeing it, my heart was filled with the most intense admiration for a long time afterwards. I have come to recognize that when my heart feels that way, it is testifying of Christ. The characteristic I noticed the most in Joseph Smith was what I’ll call Standing Steadfast in Christ. I’m going to define that characteristic the way I see it in this blog post. It’s not a simple definition.

Synonyms and Definitions for Steadfast
Faithful • Loyal • Committed • Devoted • Constant • Tenacious

• resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering
• tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely
• not readily relinquishing a position, principle, or course of action

The “in Christ” part of this characteristic is key. We can be tenaciously faithful to a Cause that is totally untrustworthy, imbalanced, Survival-of-the Fittest-like, and who will lead us in a direction that will prevent us from obtaining Sustainable Joy and Sustainable Life (false Christs and false prophets). So the adjective steadfast is not sufficient to describe this characteristic I saw in Joseph Smith.  The “in Christ” part is what takes time defining. I’ll start out with some short definitions:

• resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering in studying the scriptures and applying what they teach to our lives
• tending to keep a firm hold on Christ’s doctrine; clinging to it or adhering closely to it even when persecuted or ignored because of it
• not readily relinquishing the Holy Ghost and what he is personally guiding us to do when the going gets tough
• not turning and reviling again when others abuse or neglect us
• taking the punch without punching back

“Some were lifted up in pride, and others were exceedingly humble; some did return railing for railing, while others would receive railing and persecution and all manner of afflictions, and would not turn and revile again, but were humble and penitent before God.” ~3 Nephi 6:13

“And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them;” ~Alma 34:40

Revile-
Criticize in an abusive or angrily insulting manner

Rail-
Complain or protest strongly and persistently about

The Preacher
During Joseph Smith’s early life, there were so many people trying to tell him what to do as he was searching for the truth. In the movie they depict an example of these Conflicting Causes with a local preacher character. He seemed to be a family friend. He was trying to convert Joseph and his family to his religion. That’s not a bad thing. Helping our friends learn about what we believe the truth to be is good. We all want to share a good thing when we find it. And this man appeared to be genuinely concerned about Joseph’s soul. The problem was what he was trying to teach him. It was false doctrine. For example, when Joseph’s oldest brother Alvin died the preacher told him that Alvin was lost—damned because he was never baptized. Joseph didn’t know if this was true or not but it caused him a lot of additional pain during a time when he was already grieving. Even if the doctrine the preacher was trying to convey to Joseph were true, was this really the best time to be shoving it down his throat? Whether the preacher meant well or not, he caused Joseph pain. It was a punch in the gut. So what was Joseph’s response? He heard the preacher out but did not respond. That doesn’t mean he agreed with him. In fact we know he didn’t. It’s what he didn’t say or do that amazes me. The natural response when people cause us pain is to defend ourselves.

Another example is when Joseph told the preacher about his sacred vision. The preacher responded by telling him there are no such things as visions in these days. He said God does not talk to people anymore. His communicating with man ended with the death of the apostles. 

“Some few days after I had this vision, I happened to be in company with one of the Methodist preachers, who was very active in the before mentioned religious excitement; and, conversing with him on the subject of religion, I took occasion to give him an account of the vision which I had had. I was greatly surprised at his behavior; he treated my communication not only lightly, but with great contempt, saying it was all of the devil, that there were no such things as visions or revelations in these days; that all such things had ceased with the apostles, and that there would never be any more of them.” ~Joseph Smith—History 1:21

That’s pretty offensive. Joseph just told him that he did in fact see God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ. And this man was basically telling him to his face that he was a liar or that he was screwed up. He told Joseph not to speak of it again. Another verbal punch. How did Joseph respond? We know it hurt him inside. He wasn’t impervious to offenses and the sorrow they caused, especially from people who called themselves Christians. But Joseph said nothing. He didn’t turn and revile again. He could have verbally attacked that preacher in self-defense. But he didn’t. He just walked away. Silent.

“And the high priest arose, and said unto him, Answerest thou nothing? what is it which these witness against thee? But Jesus held his peace.” ~Matthew 26:62-63

“Then [Herod] questioned with [Jesus] in many words; but he answered him nothing. And the chief priests and scribes stood and vehemently accused him. And Herod with his men of war set him at nought, and mocked him, and arrayed him in a gorgeous robe, and sent him again to Pilate.” ~Luke 23:8-11

They Mocked Him
Additionally, during Joseph’s early life he was often mocked by the members of his community. In the movie this was depicted in a scene where there were a bunch of men working on the Erie Canal in 1823, among which was his older brother Alvin. When Joseph showed up one man mocked him in front of everyone for his beliefs, his values, what he professed to be true. All the men (except for his brother) joined in laughing their heads off. Pretty heavy punch by a large group of people. A mob-like verbal attack. Joseph didn’t respond. You could tell it hurt him but he did not turn and revile again. Alvin took him under his arm and left with him. That’s amazing in and of itself. By doing so, Alvin joined himself to the subject being mocked, which would put him under direct fire.

The following excerpt from Joseph's history is how he did respond. 

“I soon found, however, that my telling the story had excited a great deal of prejudice against me among professors of religion, and was the cause of great persecution, which continued to increase; and though I was an obscure boy, only between fourteen and fifteen years of age, and my circumstances in life such as to make a boy of no consequence in the world, yet men of high standing would take notice sufficient to excite the public mind against me, and create a bitter persecution; and this was common among all the sects—all united to persecute me.

“It caused me serious reflection then, and often has since, how very strange it was that an obscure boy, of a little over fourteen years of age, and one, too, who was doomed to the necessity of obtaining a scanty maintenance by his daily labor, should be thought a character of sufficient importance to attract the attention of the great ones of the most popular sects of the day, and in a manner to create in them a spirit of the most bitter persecution and reviling. But strange or not, so it was, and it was often the cause of great sorrow to myself.

“However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.

“So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.”
~Joseph Smith—History 1:22-25

Now that is the epitome of Standing Steadfast in Christ! He did not turn and revile again but he also continued to hold on to his deep convictions. The abuse and the negligence did not cause him to change his position or to keep it hidden. He held steadfast and took the punches without punching back, while maintaining his course of action. So incredibly like Jesus!!!

“Jesus answered him, I spake openly to the world; I ever taught in the synagogue, and in the temple, whither the Jews always resort; and in secret have I said nothing. Why askest thou me? ask them which heard me, what I have said unto them: behold, they know what I said. And when he had thus spoken, one of the officers which stood by struck Jesus with the palm of his hand, saying, Answerest thou the high priest so? Jesus answered him, If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil: but if well, why smitest thou me?” ~John 18:20-23

“But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:” John 1:12

It's never going to be popular to Stand Steadfast in Christ...until he comes again. Why? Because standing for him should test our faith. It should prove it. So whatever our individual circumstances, we will be tried. Expect it. Don't think something is wrong with you just because your getting persecuted for following the guidance you're receiving from Him personally. Do the best you can to determine that it is His voice you're hearing and then move forward knowing the punches are going to come from somewhere.

“For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at naught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men trample under their feet; I say, trample under their feet but I would speak in other words—they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels.” ~1 Nephi 19:7

This account in Joseph Smith’s history in combination with his whole life of repeated refusal to to return reviling and railing stand as retribution in and of themselves. They were a solid testimony against all those who persecuted him or treated him like he and his message were worthless. In the end Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, and all those who Stand Steadfast in Christ in the face of adversity receive the heavenly glory. The other guys get none of it. That's a pretty heavy consequence.

“Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.” ~Matthew 5:10-12

“He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day. For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak. And I know that his commandment is life everlasting: whatsoever I speak therefore, even as the Father said unto me, so I speak.” ~John 12:48-50

Saying Nothing vs. Objectively Answering
Standing Steadfast in Christ is not just about saying nothing in response to a verbal punch. There are many example’s in Christ’s life in which he did respond to contentious, persecuting, accusing people. But he kept his response objective. It wasn’t about vengeful self-defense. It was about teaching them and all of us who are watching him. It wasn’t full of uncontrolled emotions that would compromise his ability to respond in balance. And so we learn from Him: Sometimes it’s best to not say anything at all because the person throwing punches is completely unreasonable or because we do not presently have control over our emotions. But if there are some in our audience that may be receptive and we can keep our response balanced and objective then we are also Standing Steadfast in Christ. Often times, as in Joseph Smith's case, we are able to write a true account of the event in our own history (journal) when our emotions are settled down. If we can hold our tongue even though we are emotionally compromised internally in very difficult situations, we can later report the truth, admitting our imperfections and describing the punches objectively.

"You know, you know, you know, you know we had it right
We don't gotta say anything
Don't gotta say anything
Don't say a word at all
Don't say a word at all
We don't gotta say anything
Don't gotta say anything
Don't say a word at all
Don't say a word at all"
~"San Francisco" 5 Seconds of Summer

I've heard my kids play the above song. I didn't really know what it was about but these lyrics at the end synced well with my soul especially with the topic in this blog post. They seem to carry a completely separate message than the rest of the song. They form a song in and of themselves. The rest is a little sketchy for the sacred message I'm trying to communicate in this blog post so if you find it on the web, forward it to 2.35. They removed the video I originally found and I can't find another one. But awesome musical talent.

In the next blog post I'll talk about the opposite of this strength. It's a weakness that I'm naming: Turning and Reviling Again. I'll do this in order to really drive home the value of Standing Steadfast in Christ.