He Knows Who We Are & What We're Going Through

 

The Lord knows who we are, what limitations we have, and what we're going through. 

I got an email on Sunday that was sent to our whole ward (church congregation) about pulling weeds on the Church Farm on Tuesday evening. I think our ward might have this responsibility every week during a certain month of the summer or something like that. I’ve done it a couple of times before, but this year I have been so busy with work that I don’t have enough time to care for my own house and yard properly. So when I got this email that was asking me to go help somewhere else, it was easy for me to think that I am excused from that obligation, given my circumstances. 

My excuses are real and valid. I’m not making them up. But I thought that I could go for 1 hour in place of the time I planned to exercise. So I put it in my calendar with an alert.

Tuesday (yesterday) right after work, I forgot that I was going to go. I got a carwash and went to the store. While at the store, the alert came and I had 15 minutes to get there. So, I checked out and drove home to change. 

But on my way home, I had to cross the train tracks and everyone around here knows that if a train comes, it might be one of two things – a passenger-commuter train that passes very quickly or a cargo train that passes very slowly. These second types of trains frustrate me because I’m usually in quite a hurry when they pass. As a matter of fact, I’m always in a hurry. So usually I flip around and go another way that has a bridge over the tracks, but this time I was the first person to pull up and it was too late for me to turn around because the red lights came on suddenly, crossbars came down, and cars pulled up behind me before I could make any other decision. So I was stuck there for at least 5 minutes while the slowest and longest train you can imagine passed. The Stake Farm assignment was at 6pm and it was exactly 6:01. I just took out my phone and started reading something while waiting. It was one of those “oh well” moments.

Finally, the train finished passing, and I was on my way. At home, I changed into shorts and a t-shirt, sprayed on some mosquito repellant, fed my cats, went to the bathroom, drank some water, plugged in my earpods, and left. About 6:20pm. I remember the email saying it was the field located south of the POND. I wasn’t sure if there were multiple fields and if this was a different one than I had been to before. I decided to watch for this pond. I went up 2200 West, passed the field I had worked at before, but didn’t see any pond. I checked the email again and couldn’t find any more clues. I turned around and decided it must be at the same field. I also saw in the email that we were supposed to bring our own tools. And I had rushed out so quickly that I forgot my gloves. So, I went home and got a hand shovel and my gloves, and returned to the field.

During this whole time, my thoughts were:  Maybe it’s not meant to be that I go help out tonight. I could go next week. I’m way too late. Maybe it’s just from 6-7pm and I’m going to get there so late. But I chose to just keep going anyway. By the time I signed in, it was 6:42pm. 

There were a good 20-30 cars parked and I could see the people scattered throughout the field. The times I came before were not social events. I usually just came and worked on my own, listening to music or a podcast on my headphones, and then left. But there was still comfort in being a part of a larger group getting the work done. 

Even though it was evening, the sun was still beating down. It was still hot. But I’m a cold body, so it was doable. I went out and found some weeds and started my “cherry-picking” exercise. I was listening to a podcast and it was nice. It was so nice because my mind was quiet. I wasn’t stressed out about what I should be or could be doing during that time. I knew I was in the right place. I knew I was pleasing the Lord and that’s really all that matters to me. 

A friend called and the phone call came through on my earpods. I listened to her for a while and didn’t even notice the hard work I was doing. After she hung up, I went back to listening to my podcast and it was nice. The whole thing was just fine. I had planned to help for an hour and I discovered that things didn’t close up at 7pm. I was there until 7:45pm. I had plenty of time to serve and there was plenty for me to do even though I got there late. That was a relief.

And this last thing was the best part and is the reason I’m writing this whole experience down. One of the hardest parts was the heat. After being in the hot sun for a while, it was hard. But somewhere in the middle, some clouds came and covered it, so it cooled down significantly. And when I was leaving, I finally looked up and saw a single big cloud that looked like it was just hanging out in front of the sun, not moving anywhere (see the picture I took). I felt a wave of gratitude, KNOWING this was a tender mercy from God. In the grand scope of things, it was small. But it’s these little things that remind me that he is aware of me (and everyone else in that field) and is going to do things to reduce the intensity of the sacrifice. Not completely take away, but make it manageable. 

And I don’t want him to completely take away the need for me to sacrifice because without my part of it, I can’t experience the Joy. I have found that Peace (from his and other people’s voluntary and loving sacrifice) combined with my own voluntary and loving sacrifice (which I do to provide Peace, comfort, meet needs, etc. for them) equals Joy. I can’t experience Joy if people are just giving to me. And neither can I experience it if I am just giving to others. It’s the combination and the balance that results in the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.

This was crazy for me to write this post. It’s 7:51am and I have to run to work now. But I hope this helps someone out there who needs to be reassured that God is with us. He knows what we’re going through. And he is so good to us. He’s going to share the burdens of our responsibilities with us. We’re on his team and he’s on ours. 

Change Like A Sunrise

It was a Sunday, and the year was 1983. The place was San Jose, California. I wasn’t at church like I hadn’t been for the past year. I was fourteen years old and hanging out at home in my red and white striped shorts and a t-shirt. There was a knock at the door, and I answered it. Two women from my church had come to see me. They introduced themselves as Sister Braun and Sister Schuck, my young women leaders, and asked if they could come in. 

I agreed and showed them into the living room. What followed was a conversation that has echoed through my mind and heart for 37 years. It’s not that it was amazingly powerful or touching at the time. In fact, it was pretty awkward for me. They told me they loved me with tears in their eyes. They invited me to come back to church for 6 weeks. Even though I wasn’t a fan of such mushiness and was anxious for the whole visit to be over, I agreed to go back. 

So, I went back. I don’t remember when the six weeks ended. I lost track of time. There were good friends, boys, love, guidance, leadership, inclusion, and opportunities at church. I needed this community. My ward became my family. My bishop, his counselors, and young men leaders were like father figures to me. My young women leaders were mother figures. And they loved me.

They taught me that I was a daughter of God and that he loved me. They told us all that we had been saved for these last days to perform a special mission for Him. We were youth of a noble birthright. Something stirred inside me. It began to grow.

“Now we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts...” -Alma 32:28

The Promise

Within a year, around my fifteenth birthday, I went to one of the regular interviews that the members of the bishopric have with the youth. This particular interview was with Brother Williams, one of the bishopric counselors. He told me that there is a promise in the scriptures that if I consistently read them, the Lord would prosper me. He took a few minutes to define what prosperity meant – flourishing financially. That appealed to me. During these years, I was very interested in figuring out a way to meet my needs.

In telling me about this, Brother Williams introduced me to a covenant relationship with the Lord himself. He told me about a promise that I didn’t know about before. Up until that time, I tried to obtain some of the things I wanted in ways that were imbalanced and definitely weren’t sustainable. But after hearing about this promise, I latched onto it. I believed it and was excited to test it out.

Change Like a Sunrise

After the interview, I started reading the scriptures consistently. I rarely missed a day. I experienced light. That’s the best way to describe it. It was like the sun rising so gradually, I barely even noticed it and the changes that were occurring inside of me. But in hindsight, I can see the movement, the progress. Over time scripture reading became a habit. Little by little, I learned a better way of living – a better way of obtaining my desires and resolving my conflicts. Many imbalanced thoughts, words, and actions were balanced within a year. But other more difficult relationship issues would take me more time to figure out, realize, and correct. Oh, and financially, I've always had enough and to spare. 

See my post: My Financial Advisor and I Was On a 500-mile Bike Trip for some examples of how that happened.

I Was Part of a Miracle

When I was sixteen, I was at a youth fireside at our bishop’s home – Bishop & Sister Hunter. They were spotlighting our leaders. The leaders had a bunch of questions to answer beforehand. When they did Sister Schuck’s spotlight, they told us things about her like her favorite color, where she was born and grew up, etc. I can’t remember the details, but I do remember one of the questions: What is one of your most spiritual experiences? They read the answer – Reactivating Gretchen Nahinu. I was astonished. I had forgotten who I was before and hadn't realized the full story.

Later she told me that she had received such a strong impression to go to my house and invite me back to church. And then she had watched me grow and change over the years. I was a part of her miracle and I hadn’t been fully aware of it. The realization caused me to reflect on the changes that had occurred in me and her role in my conversion. I also became more aware of the Lord's role in my life. He had come for me. The atonement of Jesus Christ is real.

I owe so much to Sister Braun, Sister Schuck, and Brother Williams. The feelings of awkwardness that I had when I first met them have turned into feelings of complete gratitude. I am so thankful that they came for me and taught me about my relationship with my Savior. It was through these and many other good people in my life, scripture study, prayer, and personal revelation that my relationship with Him has been developed. And it has been through this personal training relationship with him that I've been able to rebalance, work through the more difficult issues that I have been assigned to overcome throughout my lifetime, and find Sustainable Joy.

Born Again

In the past few posts, I've been telling the story about how the Savior has been changing me from someone who had the habit of Turning and Reviling Again to someone who Stands Steadfast in Him. While my entire life has been a training period to develop this skill, the level of training began to increase in 2005. That was when I finally had had enough of the way I had been living. It was when I stopped putting my trust in man and in the arm of the flesh and started putting it more in God. 

“O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.” ~2 Nephi 4:34

In the beginning of 2005 I began to write my prayers down and take my communication with Heavenly Father much more serious. I felt prompted to read a book called Drawing on the Powers of Heaven by Grant Von Harrison, which my mom had given me a few years earlier. Thanks to my mom and this author, I learned how to see my life as one goal achievement process after another. I learned how to use my prayers to work with God on each one of them. My daily prayers were official meetings with Him to which I needed to come prepared. These meetings took place in my prayer journal. I wrote my goals down and made them the topic of each of my prayers. I believed these goals were in sync with the things he wanted me to work towards. Here's the list I wrote down in May of 2005:

• Health: Get Well 
• Weight loss
• Mother: be a better mother, patient, loving, steady, wise spiritual instincts in every situation
• Writer/Teacher: finish my book, teach others what I've learned about nutrition and balance
• Marriage: Fall in love with my husband again

Then I wrote down all the things I promised to do on a daily basis that I knew Heavenly Father wanted me to do. These were things I had personal control over.

• Read scriptures (personal, w/husband, w/family)
• Read parenting book
• Pray (personal, w/husband, w/family)
• No yelling at kids or husband
• If I'm upset, leave the room
• Attend all meetings
• Act upon every spiritual prompting
• Make schedule, stick with it or revise
• Sleep for 7-9 hours
• Exercise--walks

These things became my commitments--my promises to God. His promise to me was to help me obtain my goals. 

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:” ~Matthew 7:7

“Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.” ~D&C 6:14

Each day I would report on the commitments I kept. I would then write about the conflicts that came up in trying to keep them. I had questions about these conflicts so I wrote them down. In response, a scripture would come to my mind. Sometimes it was a song I knew or a story I had previously read. I realized he was answering me! And the method by which he was answering me was bringing things that I had read, heard, or seen in the past into my mind. So it was a good thing I had spent years reading the scriptures. He had a large volume of stories and key verses to choose from.

See another post on this topic: I Need To Communicate!

Whenever we repeat any process we become more efficient at it. It becomes an ability. A strength. So in the beginning of writing down my prayers, it took a little longer to receive the answers. And when they did come, it took me some time before I recognized them for what they were. More often than not he answered them through other people, their writings, teachings, conversations, and creations. As I continued this process, my faith increased incrementally. I was able to receive his answers much more quickly. In addition to the scriptures, songs, and stories, I started hearing answers straight in my thoughts--in an original idea or impression. I wrote them all down. So now he usually communicates what he's thinking through pure meaning almost like our minds are one. Then, when I write down what he 'thought to me' I use my own words to describe it.

“When it is for the Lord’s purposes, He can bring anything to our remembrance. That should not weaken our determination to record impressions of the Spirit. Inspiration carefully recorded shows God that His communications are sacred to us. Recording will also enhance our ability to recall revelation.” ~Elder Richard G. Scott

See blog post: The Voice Inside My Head

Listen: When You Say Nothing At All by Alison Krauss

I began each prayer with, "Dear Heavenly Father..." and then continued with the rest of the prayer. In time I became more organized. We had an agenda for each meeting and it was important for me to stick to it as much as possible. 

I formed a new relationship with God, a closer one. It was more personal than it had been before. It was like he was committing to accept me into his family as one of his children. He would play the father role to me and I would play the child role even though I was almost 36 years old and married with 4 kids.

He is there for all of us no matter how old we are. He is our Redeemer. That means that he can make us whole even if other relationships have left us feeling alone, unable, and worthless. He will be our Father, our Friend, our Family.

“And the Lord said unto me: Marvel not that all mankind, yea, men and women, all nations, kindreds, tongues and people, must be born again; yea, born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters;” ~Mosiah 27:25

Listen: "Born Again" by Newsboys