What's Your Problem?

It was midsummer. I noticed some sections of the front lawn were looking brown. This was my first year in my house in Utah so I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe it was due to the stifling summer heat. Maybe regular watering wasn’t enough. In these scorching conditions I was willing to put up with an imperfect lawn rather than overuse water. Still, it had been doing well up until recently.

I let it go for another couple of days before noticing the problem was getting worse. I walked around my property and observed that other areas of lawn were as green as ever. That was when I realized there must be a problem with my sprinklers. On the sprinkler control panel, I tested out each station. Three stations worked, five were not working at all. This was valuable data from which I could form a conclusion: A malfunctioning sprinkler system was the cause of the brown grass. This led me to other questions: What was the cause of the sprinkler system not working? They were all functioning at the beginning of the summer. What had happened between then and now?

Believe it or not, the subject of this post is not so much about solving lawn and sprinkler mysteries. It’s about conflict resolution through the atonement of Jesus Christ. In order to do that more effectively, we need to understand how to apply what he has already told us about how to access his atoning power to solve our problems and obtain our desires within the boundaries that he has set. Most of my readers already know how to generally do this. My hope is to do what others have done for me: serve as your assistant when you’re struggling to apply what you know to a specific complicated conflict by describing my specific conflict resolution stories.

I do pray about home repair and improvement. The scriptures tell us to pray for our flocks and our crops of the fields (Alma 34:17-27). I see that as a metaphor for praying over my sprinkler system and lawn, my GFCI outlets and breaker boxes, and my trees and bushes. For example, I have a huge willow tree in my back yard that looked like it was dying last month. The top had lost a lot of leaves in a sudden strong windstorm. I love that tree and grieved over it, not knowing if I could do anything to save it. It took many years for it to grow into a Whomping-Willow-Beauty shade tree. It’s not something that can be replaced with money alone like a dishwasher or a lamp. So I prayed for it. I prayed with heart-felt desire every time I saw it. Much to my surprise and utter gratitude to God, within a few weeks I noticed the leaves on the top were growing back and it returned to full health. I'm sure my praying for it wasn't the only cause (independent variable) for its recovery but I do know that God cares about the things we care about so it is my practice to pray and act believing God and I are important independent variables in all my relationships and responsibilities.

But more important than houses and yards and trees, are our relationships with God and our family. I like to compare and contrast the systemic conflicts around my house with more intangible and sometimes complicated relationship conflicts. In doing so, I’ve learned more about resolving these conflicts through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

So let’s examine and apply the conflict with my lawn and sprinkler system. Through my own observations I knew that there was not a conflict a few weeks before, but now there was. Something had changed. I believed it was possible to find out what it was and had hope that I could fix it.  Similarly, if there was a time in our life when we were feeling just fine spiritually and emotionally and now we’re not, we can understand that something has happened to cause this change. If we believe that it is possible to find the cause and to repair it, we are believing in Jesus Christ and his atonement.

At this point it would have been good to pray for guidance. I can’t remember doing that for this particular conflict, but the scriptures say, “that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul” (2 Nephi 32:9). Whatever our investigation, we can begin it with a prayer so our Savior will guide us, our effort will be effective, and we will learn valuable lessons that can be applied to other areas of our life.

With my lawn, I took time to regularly make observations, which enabled me to become aware of the problem. Some sections of the grass were brown and others weren’t. Likewise, in our life, we need to make regular observations of our relationships. When conflicts arise, we note that there may be some relationships that are still working well but others that are not. We may feel balanced sometimes and at other times we don’t. We need to write down our observations as faithfully as a scientist. Identifying what is working and what is not is an integral step to solving the problem.

I was able to work on my lawn sprinkler conflict without having to keep a record of my observations, hypotheses, and conclusions. I didn’t write down my independent and dependent variables, keep a data table, or make a graph. But for more complicated problems, which have a tendency to confuse me, I have done this. Keeping an organized record reduces our chances of getting lost and experiencing an overwhelming degree of fear. Additionally, I show God how much I believe in resolution processes, how much I desire to resolve this particular conflict, and how much I value being a part of that process. As my part of the sacrifice, I put in time and effort to systematically do what I can to solve problems. It is my understanding that when we engage in conflict resolution processes with real intent, using the intelligence God has already given us, the atonement of Jesus Christ is at work.

The overall goal in conflict resolution is to identify the cause of conflict in a system which normally functions sustainably. The conflict is the thing we don’t desire to happen in a system yet it is happening anyway. It is causing the system to malfunction. Thus the goal is to search for the cause. We form an hypothesis. My first hypothesis was that the hot summer weather (independent variable) was causing the grass to die (dependent variable). I assumed it was a normal result for the grass to become dryer this time of year even though it was getting water. Since this was my first summer in this house, I didn’t know what to expect.

Correspondingly, we may form an hypothesis that the way we feel spiritually or emotionally is the way everyone feels. Or we may think a problem we’re experiencing is just a normal part of aging and there’s nothing we can do about it. We may also think that having ongoing conflicts in relationships is where all relationships end up over time. Since this is our first time on earth going through these challenges, being this age, and having these experiences, we most likely don’t know what to expect. We may initially think the only solution is to grin and bear it. While this may end up being the case, my opinion is that we shouldn’t settle for this solution until we have exhausted all others. We can know that settling for the grinning-and-bearing-it solution is not what the Lord would have us do if the problem increases in severity to the point we cannot continue living without going to unhealthy sources for sustainability. He said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30).

My second hypothesis was that the malfunctioning of my sprinkler system was the cause of the brown grass. I checked out the control panel. In the same way, when we look for causes that are within our control to change or set to rights, we are doing what the Savior instructed us to do when he said, “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother’s eye” (Matt 7:5). This is a general conflict resolution skill that can be applied to any situation. He instructs us to first examine what is within our agency to change or repair before we attribute the cause to sources outside of our control. These other sources may indeed be part of it, but if we make it our priority to fix what we are responsible for first, we either fix the problem or eliminate that variable as a cause in our investigation.  “And thus we see, that there was a time granted unto man to repent, yea, a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God” (Alma 42:4).

When I work to resolve conflicts around the house or yard I usually form a few hypotheses and choose the best one to test first. But it is critical that we test only one independent variable at a time and remember and/or record our findings. If we change more than one variable, we cannot be sure of the true cause of the conflict. Even if our shoot‘em-all-up approach works, we may someday end up with the same conflict again and still not know how to resolve it.

After verifying that the control panel was working just fine, I eliminated that variable as a cause. I then had to look for the cause behind that: In a sprinkler system, the control panel wires connect to the irrigation valve boxes. That was my next destination. Can you guess what was causing the problem yet? You probably have a hypothesis if you’ve had experience with your own sprinkler system. In the next post I’ll tell you what I found out while we analyze some more conflict resolution strategies.

For now, here’s a summary of the steps:
1. Pray for your property, physical and spiritual health (relationship with God), and your relationships with your spouse, children, extended family members, and community.
2. Make routine observations of each of these systems/relationships and keep an organized record.
3. If you notice a problem increasing in severity, start the conflict resolution process with a prayer, believing that you will find the cause and be able to fix it.
4. Estimate when the problem started to occur.
5. Make a list of the possible causes (your hypotheses), things that could have changed between the time it was functioning properly until now.
6. Test out one variable at a time in order to identify the problem or eliminate it as a cause
7. Record your data – what you find when you test your results (e.g. 3 out of 8 of my sprinklers were not working).

I Hope You Dance

For the past eleven years I’ve been studying Jesus Christ almost as if it were my full time job. It hasn’t been so focused on memorizing trivial details or figuring out the exact timeline of the events of his life. Neither has it been focused on proving that the Gospels sync up or other arguable facts. It’s been more about trying to figure out his character. I’ve wanted to know who it is that I say I worship. And I’ve wanted to know why and how he did the things he did.

It’s been an amazing journey. The more I study him, the more I get him. I should say, the more He has allowed me to understand him. One of my favorite songs that I sing a lot in reference to how I feel about our Redeemer is “Nothing Compares 2U.”   But I have found that I’ve been wrong about no one else comparing.  Most do not but there are some who have some of his qualities and characteristics, thankfully!

Christ-like Characteristics
One of the side effects from my studies that I hadn't anticipated was that I notice his characteristics in other people, especially men. And when I do, something happens to my heart. It is involuntary. Observing people is voluntary but when I see a quality of Christ in them (which I confess is what I’m looking for), the rest is involuntary. I admire them. It pours out of my heart. Sometimes it’s more intense than others. I can’t help it.  I don’t have expectations of any return admiration or love. In fact I prefer to quietly honor them and just figuratively shake my head and say in my head, “Wow!  So amazingly beautiful!” It’s something I can’t really go up and tell them about because it is so powerful and, I believe, sacred. My hope is that it is somehow communicated to them spiritually and anonymously. At least that is what I pray for.

Sometimes I find the opportunity to communicate my opinion to them in an appropriate way. I do this because I know it’s hard to develop His characteristics. I want them to know they are definitely being noticed and are making a difference.  Yet, I know they are not being that way to get noticed.  “That’s what makes you beautiful!” If they were, it would kind of defeat the whole purpose. If I saw they were doing it just to 'be seen of men', my heart wouldn’t do anything. I admire when they use their strengths to help others because they sincerely care as Christ does for them. What my heart does is a confirmation, a validation. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one whose heart behaves in this way. 

It works like this: If they really are what I think they are then they will feel what I and others feel for them. If they are not, then my projected admiration passes them by and goes directly to our Savior.

“Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.” ~Matthew 6:1-4

“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only” ~James 1:22

Chris (rt) returning home, Aaron (lft) already returned, Matthew mission in progress now

RMs
I’m finding that one group of people my heart is especially susceptible to is return missionaries. More often than not my heart does what it does when I observe one of them. When my own sons (the two oldest) came home from their missions, I was so impressed with them. They became men out there. And by that I mean men of God. Men of Christ.

“…arise from the dust, my sons, and be men” ~2 Nephi 1:21

"Our missionaries serving throughout the world are beautiful examples of those who are truly ambitious for Christ." ~Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita, "Be Ambitious for Christ"

There is something about a young man who sacrifices two years of his life to serve the Lord and help others. They have His image in their countenance. It’s this look in their eyes that is confident (not prideful!) and humble (not shameful!) at the same time. Their focus is outward on others, not on themselves, yet they are also open to receiving the blessings others have to offer.

“Have ye received his image in your countenances?” ~Alma 5:14



David Archuleta is a prime example of the type of young man I'm talking about. He had established a lucrative musical career at a young age but he decided to put that on hold while he served a mission. I've watched a few videos of him on his mission and since he's returned. He has continued to use his talent to bless others but somehow he has avoided being corrupted by the pride of the world.  That in itself is one of the most beautiful feats I have ever seen.

Steadfastness
I believe the cause of Christ's image being in the countenance of these young men is because of their sacrifice. They spend these two years forgetting their life, serving the Lord, and loving the people. They endure a lot of rejection and disappointment but line upon line, they learn how to stay steadfast in Christ and love through it all. When they sacrifice like that they become beautiful. They can't help it.  

For our Savior, it didn’t matter what the scribes and Pharisees said or did to him. He just kept doing what his Father instructed him to do. This is one of my favorite qualities in him. One example of this is healing on the Sabbath. That act made the Jewish leadership very angry because they had created many detailed encumbering rules about keeping the Sabbath day holy which conflicted with God's laws. But he just kept doing it. 

Another example of standing steadfast is his common association with publicans and sinners, which the Jewish leadership didn’t like much either. They stayed away from such people and prided themselves on their self-exalted status. But our Savior continued his association with them anyway. It caused the higher ranking groups of his society to reject him, persecute him, and want to eliminate him. But he kept walking the pathway his Father laid out for him.

“Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his…” ~Mosiah 5:15

I Hope You Dance
My hope for my own sons and all of these other men of Christ who are getting home from their missions is that they won’t let that fire die out. I don’t want them to grow old and fat and boring and become spiritual dull slugs (#King Noah).

“Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.” ~Isaiah 6:10

This past week I've been listening to this song called, “I Hope You Dance” by LeeAnn Womack. That song pretty much sums up my hope for these boys/men (man-cubs).  And I spin the lyrics “I hope you dance” to mean:  I hope you will continue sacrificing, growing, and becoming more like Christ over time so that you can continue being the best thing ever for your (future) wives, children, and your communities.  I hope you don’t involve yourself in anything that will stunt your growth. I hope you see repentance as a gift and an opportunity, not an accusation.  I hope you will keep your balance in confidence and humility and always work to stay away from pride and envy. I hope you will maintain your allegiance to Christ when the going gets tough or when the going gets pretty boring, instead of turning to other things that could enslave you in the end. I hope you never lose sight of your mission goals even though you have to be concerned with making a living now and other temporal things. My prayers and my heart are with you. Stay beautiful!

Jesus Christ: Behold the Man!

by Liz Lemon Swindle

Well, I saved HIM for last (see Behold the Man!).  And it’s because he IS the King of all the rest.  What my heart does when I read about him, when I feel his presence, when I contemplate what he has done for me in my life—the personal application of what was done on the cross—is completely indescribable!!  I mean, I can describe it as I did with Joseph Smith and Elder Bednar; the feelings are similar.  But the capacity to receive these feeling steadily increased the more I spent time studying the life and mission of our Savior Jesus Christ.  Since I spend a much greater amount of time evaluating him than I do any other man, he basically owns my heart.

Listen

In the Father’s kingdom, Jesus Christ is the King of kings.  He knows how to create the human body and the earth so he would be a master physicist, geologist, meteorologist, biologist, doctor, etc.  But with all of this strength, talent, ability, there’s one thing that makes him different from all the top dogs of the world:  He is completely balanced in Paradoxical living.  That means that as a Cause he uses his strengths to serve others, lift them, balance them, heal them, rekindle the life in them, and teach them how to keep that life in them.  He doesn’t have one wit of pride but he is perfectly confident.  He doesn’t have one degree of envy but he is perfectly meek and humble.

Listen:  "This is the Christ" Elder James E. Faust

While on the earth he walked in steadfastness, doing all the things his Father commanded him to do.  When people disrespected him for it, he just kept on walking.  When people separated from him because of what he was or what he taught, he just kept on walking.  But not with a grudge on his shoulder.  He walked with purpose, with real love, and with empathy.

Listen: "You're Not Alone" by Red

He is merciful to those that do wrong but AT THE SAME TIME he feels every ounce of the injustice done to those they have injured.  He absorbs the demands of justice into himself, which is no easy task, and allows for each of us wrong-doers to be given MORE TIME to get our acts together.  Incremental Justice instead of total condemnation-right-now.  The conflict, the pull from both sides, the ability to balance himself between both the sinner and the injured is incredible!

The Mediator (select to see a youtube video)

He’s God.  But he’s also a man.  Steadfast, immovable, Summarized.  Yet he chooses to balance that with grace, flexibility, Expansion.  His voice is like no other!  The depth is...sigh.  And as a man he loves women.  He respects them, values them, and takes care of them.  In his time it was not socially accepted for a man to treat a woman with the same respect he would a man.  Jesus just walked right past that sign and talked to whichever woman he wanted to and to whomever followed him in faith.  He valued their gifts and contributions to him regardless of the snubs and verbal abuse he received from the ruling class.

  

He’s serious yet anyone who has felt his presence can sense his humorous side.  He knows what sacred things a man should never joke about.

The Jewish leaders in the world Jesus was born into didn’t value these qualities.  Didn’t see them as characteristics of a King.  And so when he came, it was his mission to be born in an obscure little village in a stable.  When the Wise Men came, I'm sure they couldn’t believe nobody knew about his birth! 

He was raised in a small village with a population of maybe 400.  He grew up just a regular boy with a basic religious education.  He was trained by Joseph, his step father, to be a carpenter. 

Pharisees

Not until he was 30 years old did he begin his official mission as recorded in the four Gospels.  At that time the leaders of the communities were from elitist families.  They were educated in elite schools, taught the Jewish traditions and law from an early age.  As they ascended the ladder of succes they dressed in robes decked out with ornaments that told a story of their personal achievements and status.  These men—the Pharisees, the scribes, the Sadducees, and the priests—were the Jewish leaders of Jesus’ day.  So when our Savior came on the scene with no formal training and had only his person, his teachings, the scriptures, and his miracles to recommend him, these men were aggressively offensive.  But that was the game plan.  Jesus never wanted to be believed in because others hyped him.  He didn’t want the people to follow him because everyone else was doing it.  He didn’t want it to be about a title, certifications or degrees.  He wanted the people to hear his word and determine for themselves how they would respond to it (Listen and Liken:  "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors). 

Anyone and everyone that came to him in faith, he healed.  He even spent his time searching for those who needed to be healed.  I can imagine it was exhausting (Mark 5:25-31 and Mark 4:38).  He was also a man.

Through these miracles and others he demonstrated that life was in him.  The people could trust him and therefore trust his words—the commandments he gave them.  He was basically saying, “If a person can heal you physically, he can also heal you spiritually if you will implement his words in your life.” (See Mark 2:9)

I think of him dealing with the scribes and Pharisees who used their knowledge and experience to think of ways of tricking their supposed competitor into contradicting himself in front of the people.  And to what purpose?  So they could remain king of the hill.  Throughout his entire ministry they threw curve balls at him in effort to strike him out.  But they had no idea what a heavy hitter he was!

I think of him looking at them and their intentions.  I wonder what he’s going to say.  And then when he says it and I study it to figure out why he said it, I realize he completely knocked the ball out of the park.  I could watch this sport ALL DAY!  I can’t even begin to describe my admiration.  It is complete worship.  And he keeps doing it.  Everything that comes out of his mouth.  Everything he does.  I stand all amazed.  Literally.  And the thing is that he just is that way.  There is no pretense.  And he uses it for the well-being of his people not to puff himself up.  He has faith that if he obeys the commandments of his Father, his needs will be taken care of.  Maybe he’ll have to wait and if that’s the case, he waits.  But he doesn’t lose his focus.  He remains steadfast, determined, unchangeable, resolute, decisive, and absolutely beautiful (Listen:  "Primary Song Medley").

Matthew 6:21

A number of years ago when I started studying him in greater depth than I had before, I realized what a true reward was.  It would be hanging out with him.  The treat it would be to talk with him, interact with him, hear his voice—the depth, and watch him interacting with others would be the ultimate of all rewards.  Forget mansions and deluxe vacations.  Next to him all the riches of the earth pale in comparison.  And so really that's what I'm trying to do now--interact with him.  Why wait? (Listen and Liken:  "Afterlife" by Switchfoot)

Listen and Liken:  "Son of Man" by Phil Collins

Seeing him like this made me realize what the potential of a man was.  A man can literally become like Christ through his atonement.  I think that is what has happened with Martin Luther, Alma, Joseph Smith, and Elder Bednar.  I know it does take work but I don’t think it’s like building the Tower of Babel to make a name for oneself.  I think the main thing is for them to choose him as their Cause and then remain allegiant to him.  And I think that’s really what the priesthood is all about (Listen:  "Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd"). And I think all you ladies would agree with me when I say, these kinds of men are HOT!

Read and Liken:  3 Nephi 24

Listen:  "Emmanuel" by Amy Grant

Joseph Smith: Standing Steadfast

I admire Joseph Smith so much that I named my third son after him:  Matthew Joseph Langford.   

Matthew Joseph Langford

My reason for loving this man goes beyond words.  The depth of my feeling for him began to increase when about 16 years ago I read a historical fiction story about him and the early saints of the Mormon church:  The Work and the Glory by Gerald Lund.

Read the book

In this book series I didn’t feel like Joseph Smith was characterized completely accurately—a task that I’m sure is impossible to do—but what was depicted enabled my impression of who he was to take on a life of its own.  I could almost sense his person above and beyond the words on the page.  And I loved him, admired him.  

Listen:  "The Rising" by Jim Westbrook

So much persecution.  So many people against him.  He and his family were seriously injured by angry mobs several times.  And some of his children died because of the mobs and other natural causes.  It couldn’t have been easy for him.  He was misjudged.  People tried to discount him by twisting his words and actions, construing them as evil.  Sounds familiar.  But this is what he said of all that:

“It caused me serious reflection then, and often has since, how very strange it was that an obscure boy, of a little over fourteen years of age, and one, too, who was doomed to the necessity of obtaining a scanty maintenance by his daily labor, should be thought a character of sufficient importance to attract the attention of the great ones of the most popular sects of the day, and in a manner to create in them a spirit of the most bitter persecution and reviling. But strange or not, so it was, and it was often the cause of great sorrow to myself.

Paul, the Road to Damascus

“However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.

“So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.”

(Joseph Smith History 1:23-25)

My feelings for the Joseph Smith later developed to astonishing heights when I saw the movie, “Joseph Smith:  The Prophet of the Restoration.”

When I sat in the theater after seeing this for the first time, I could not get up.  I just sat there under the dim lights as everyone exited.  Wave after wave of soul-piercing energy filled my heart.  I didn’t want to let the emotion out because it was way too powerful and sacred.  I just tried to contain it all inside of me.  It wasn’t like I was just touched.  It was more like the crashing waves of the ocean.  So powerful.  So true.  So utterly sweet.   

Again, even in this account of Joseph Smith, I knew the depiction was not perfect.  What movie or story can capture actuality?  But who he really was came through to me in the interstices—in between the scenes.  And the music certainly didn’t help in the way of controlling my emotions either.  So much admiration!  So much respect for him.

Some people say we worship Joseph Smith.  What I say is I worship Jesus Christ and if a man comes near to being like him, that worship mechanism in my heart activates.  It’s telling me, “This is a man you can trust” (D&C 1:38).

Elder David A. Bednar: The Prophets

"Look harder"

I’m cheating a little on this by using a category of men for one of my top 5 favorites.  But really if you “look harder” you can see that all these men are summarily in the same category.  Nevertheless, I will speak of only one of them in this post even though all of them have had a great influence on me.  For the majority of my life I didn’t have a father to guide me. I turned to the prophet and apostles when I got to the point when I realized I really wanted and needed more guidance.  That reaching began when I went to college.  So if you want to know what my problem is, this is a good start:  I was raised a daughter of the prophets and apostles of Jesus Christ.

Elder David A. Bednar

I had first come to love this prophet, seer, and revelator after hearing and studying his talk, “The Tender Mercies of the Lord” in the Spring of 2005.  He had just been called to serve in one of the most visible callings in the Church and he could have gloried in why the Lord chose him.  But instead he thought about us which dispelled any thoughts of pride or envy that we could have been tempted to entertain.  This is what he said:

“The word chosen in 1 Nephi 1:20 [1 Ne. 1:20] is central to understanding the concept of the Lord’s tender mercies. The dictionary indicates that chosen suggests one who is selected, taken by preference, or picked out. It also can be used to refer to the elect or chosen of God (Oxford English Dictionary Online, second ed. [1989], “Chosen”).

“Some individuals who hear or read this message erroneously may discount or dismiss in their personal lives the availability of the tender mercies of the Lord, believing that 'I certainly am not one who has been or ever will be chosen.' We may falsely think that such blessings and gifts are reserved for other people who appear to be more righteous or who serve in visible Church callings. I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us.

“To be or to become chosen is not an exclusive status conferred upon us. Rather, you and I ultimately determine if we are chosen. Please now note the use of the word chosen in the following verses from the Doctrine and Covenants:

“'Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

"'Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men' (D&C 121:34–35; emphasis added).

“I believe the implication of these verses is quite straightforward. God does not have a list of favorites to which we must hope our names will someday be added. He does not limit “the chosen” to a restricted few. Rather, it is our hearts and our aspirations and our obedience which definitively determine whether we are counted as one of God’s chosen.”

This is a man who is not interested in self-glory.  He is more interested in the well being of those he has been sent to serve.

Subsequent talks have also endeared me to him.  I especially respect how he opens every one of his talks with, “I pray for and invite the assistance of the Holy Ghost as I now speak with you.”  Humility in it’s true form, unadulterated.  A man without guile.

A few years ago I attended a conference at Brigham Young University for women.  He was one of the speakers.

I guess I should first explain how anti-groupie I am.  I just can’t bring myself to “worship” any person like that.  If I’m going to talk to them, I would like to do so on equal ground.  I’m a child of God and so are they.  We’re good.  When I was a teenager I came close to groupie-ness with the pop band Duran Duran.  I very much preferred the lead singer, Simon LeBon.  But I wrote in my journal that I would like to become a drummer so that one day I could meet him face to face, not as a groupie screaming at his show.  Just couldn’t do the groupie stuff and never have been able to since.

So when Elder Bednar walked into the Marriot Center to speak to thousands of women and I was one of them, I was surprised at my response.  We all stood and the entire auditorium went silent.  As I watched him walk to the stand my heart, which I have come to understand is not completely under my control, responded with wave after wave of powerful energy until I could hardly contain it.  When I sat down I had to bend over in my seat, duck my head, and let my hair hang around my face.  Luckily my friend had a tissue or I would have been in serious trouble.  I have this issue with being seen during sacred moments like that.  You see, I never wanted to be a groupie.  But this was something different.  Something holy and something I have come to realize is my divine heritage as a woman--to bear testimony of men who are like Christ.

Since that time all I have to do is think about him and I begin to experience the same kind of feeling in my heart.  Who needs chocolate cake when there's men like Martin Luther, Alma, and Elder Bednar around?  I’m not into fake.  In fact I loathe fake.  This is real.  My heart testifies of its own volition that these men are of God.  They are living their lives as the Lord would have them.  They are worthy to be my more specific Causes because they are allowing my chosen general Cause to govern them.  The sacrifices they have made and continue to make are patterned after the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  I can trust them.  My heart witnesses that.

True To Your Heart!