Alma: But I Am Snatched

Alma was a man who lived on the American continent way back before Christ.  His ancestors had migrated there from Israel.  He started out a rebel.  He was a powerful Cause but he used his talents to persuade people to hate the Paradoxical ways of his father (also called Alma).  He taught them that they should give into their chocolate cake desires and gave into his own.  He really did a lot of damage to people because of his powerful ability to convince.  A strength used to promote weakness.   

Then one day he had a spiritual/near death experience.  He saw an angel who basically warned him that if he didn’t change his course he would end up in a destination he wouldn’t like.  This experience literally knocked him out.  But during his days of physical unconsciousness he was conscious inside his mind.  Whatever he was privileged to see and feel caused him to do a 180.  The contrast between what he then understood and the Survival behavior he had been engaged in for many years caused him to experience the most extreme sorrow he had ever experienced before.  He could hardly bear it and soon began to look for a way out.  He remembered his father’s Cause—Jesus Christ.  His father had taught him that he was a Savior.  So his soul reached up to him and begged for help, for some kind of relief from this torture he was in.  And this is what Alma described as happening:

“My soul hath been ^aredeemed from the gall of bitterness and ^bbonds of iniquity. I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God. My soul was ^cracked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is ^dpained no more” (The Book of Mormon:  Mosiah27:29).

Maybe the reason I admire him so much is because I have felt the depth of sorrow he describes; I would describe it in the same way.  But my 180 was a more gradual turn in time.  It wasn’t so all-at-once intense.  Yet I have felt it.  I have gone through it.  And I am snatched like he was; my soul is pained no more.  A lot of people call that being Saved.  And I agree.  Definitely saved.  But for me Saving is also an incremental Process.  I have found that it comes in degrees and by experiences. 

This is the culprit!

Sometimes I am saved in a specific event.  For example, we just moved to a new house.  It’s a mile away from our last one but the move was from unincorporated Arapahoe County to the City of Aurora.  We have three cats.  In the City of Aurora, cats are not allowed to walk around the neighborhood.  They call it “Cat at Large.”  And if a cat is caught doing so and brought to the animal shelter, the owner will be charged $70+ plus be ticketed and have to appear in court.  So all this I didn’t know before we moved in.  Two of our cats are male hunters.  They hunt mice, rabbits, snakes, and birds.  To keep them inside the house is to rob them of all they have to live for.  They are miserable if they can’t go out.  So of course while I’m trying to figure out a solution White One gets caught and the above consequences rain down upon my head.  And then I was miserable.  I did have a very candid talk with the animal control officer.  But he gave me a ticket anyway.  Very pertinacious fellow.

Judgment!

Lots of communication and pleading with my Cause to understand me and the real situation occurred.  I paid the $70+, got the animals up to date on their shots, and registered them (another requirement of the city that cost more $).  I did this with forbearance my Cause instructed.   Then I awaited the court date, continuously having to swallow down the irritation every time I thought about it.  Every time I felt that way I could sense my Cause telling me,  “Everything is going to be okay.  Trust me.”  When it finally came I was prompted to dress up in my nicest and most professional clothing.  I went in looking like that and waited my turn among others who were wearing less formal attire.  I was asked by some court official if I was someone’s lawyer.  I said, “No, my cat was caught walking around outside so I’m here to pay the ticket.”  When it came my turn I was prepared to pay whatever they asked me without a fight.  I objectively told them the truth of the situation but that was it.  I knew that my Cause would take care of me and whatever unfair losses I sustained.   

The woman I spoke to was extremely reasonable.  She said looking at the sums of money I had already paid, “It looks like you’ve paid enough here.  And you’ve done everything you were supposed to—shots, getting them registered.  I’m going to dismiss this case.”  It took me a minute to understand that she meant I was free to go without having to pay anything else!  I thanked her from my heart and departed.  As I walked out of the courthouse I just looked at my Cause in my mind’s eye and shook my head, my heart about ready to burst with gratitude.  He never ceases to amaze me.  He never ceases to Save me.

So sometimes I’m saved in an event.  Other times I’m saved from a particular bad habit or trap that I work on overcoming in combination with my Cause over an extended period of time.  And that is growth.  I don’t want to stop being Saved.  I need to keep going until I have arrived at my final destination.  Stopping from being Saved too soon is like Summarizing too soon.

Steadfast and Immovable

After Alma was Saved he traveled around continuously trying to repair the damage he had done to the people.  A lot of people didn’t like that so they persecuted him both physically and mentally.  And this is what I admire the most about Alma.  He just keeps going.  He never turns back to Survival living even though a lot of people don’t like him.  He is steadfast, unshakable, tenacious!

And his story goes on to include years and years of service to God.  Many of his experiences are with people who are up in his face railing on him for what he’s trying to teach them.  And all the time he’s actually trying to Save them as he was Saved.  But he still doesn’t stop!  If there ever was a man like Alma, man, he is amazing!  

I like to sing this song ("She's So High") in my kitchen to men like Martin Luther, Alma, and the next three that are coming up.  I switch the lyrics to the following:

Listen

 He’s blood, flesh and bone

No touch of silicone

He’s touch, smell, sight, taste and sound

But somehow I can’t believe

That anything should happen (Saved!)

I know where I belong

And nothing’s gonna happen

Yeah

‘Cause he’s so high….

High above me, he’s so lovely

He’s so high…

Like Martin Luther, Jesus Christ, or Alma and Joseph

He’s so high…

High above me

First class and fancy free

He’s my society

He’s got the best of everything!

What could a girl like me

Ever really offer?

He’s perfect as he can be

Why should I even bother?

(Repeat Chorus)

He comes to speak to me

I freeze immediately

‘Cause what he says sounds so real

'Cause somehow I can believe

That something should happen

I know where I belong

And something’s gonna happen

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

‘Cause he’s so high…

Martin Luther: I Will Not Recant

Okay Martin Luther is awesome!  He lived in the late 1400s to mid 1500s.  He was going to study the law but after a near death experience he promised his life to God.  He made good on this promise by becoming a monk.  He later became a Catholic priest and a professor of theology.

During that time in history many leaders of the Roman Catholic Church had become corrupt.  They taught the people to worship relics, supposed bones of the saints and items that the saints may have owned.  They said the people could save themselves and their forebears from a thousand or so years of purgatory (punishment in hell) by paying to see or touch these relics.  These were called indulgences.  Using the money acquired by this means to fund themselves and the building of overly expensive edifices, they both drove the church into debt and left undone caring for the poor.  They kept their members in ignorance, neglecting to make available the Bible for all to read.  They interpreted scripture for them teaching the people to do what is right and pay indulgences based on a fear of burning in hell if they didn’t. 

Everyone was doing it.  Everyone followed along, just believing what these church leaders were telling them.  Yet the poor were suffering while the leaders of the church lived in kingly wealth (2 Ne 28:13). 

Johann Tetzel selling indulgences

Then Martin Luther came along.  He saw all this and questioned it.  It was wrong.  He felt it.   And he couldn’t go along with it even if the whole world was.  But he struggled within himself at first.  Was he the one who was off?  Surely the pope and all the holy men that served with him didn’t know about what people like Johann Tetzel, one of the main indulgence salesmen, were doing.  Martin had been taught to never question their authority.

He tried to humble himself, look for the good, and honor the leaders of the church.  But changing his heart wasn't the answer.  He couldn’t keep going through the motions and feeling a sense that this was not right.  He couldn’t stand around watching the poor getting poorer and the church taking more and more from them.  So he took a stand. 

He did that by teaching and writing about the Gospel of Jesus Christ in its simple form.  He taught that we should do what’s right motivated by the love of God and of our fellowmen, not fear of hellfire.  In his writings he spoke out against specific individuals in the catholic church.  Of particular note was his Ninety-Five Theses that he posted on the doors of the church in Wittenberg, Saxony, Germany.  In doing so he ended up offending the leaders.  And soon they began to persecute him and threaten his standing in the church as well as his life.  It was not an easy road for him to walk.  When they put him on trial for his writings, he knew his life was on the line.  This is what he said:

“I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe.  Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen”  (Brainy Quote).

I admire him!

See the movie

But I do have some things to say about hellfire.  God is love and we should be motivated to do the right thing out of love.  But if we just blow right past God and his teachings, purposely violating his laws over and over again, we may actually need hellfire as motivation to get our lives back on track.  And in that case the warning of hellfire is merciful because that’s exactly where we’ll end up if we blow people away in a movie theater, in an office building, in a military compound, or in a school.

Alpha is another word for beginning.  It’s when we’re still young.  It's when we can still feel the light of Christ in our hearts.  But it's also a time when we're just learning about everything.  This is when the best motivation to do what's right is LOVE, both receiving it and being taught to live it.

Omega is another word for end.  The end or result is a habitual state.  It’s when we seal ourselves into habits through repeated processes.  These habits can be good or they can be bad.  It’s in bad-habit-omega or our proximity to it that the warnings of hellfire might be greatly appreciated by the soul who will otherwise experience it habitually, eternally, and forever.

What made the hellfire warnings of the Roman Catholic Church leaders wrong is they were using them on a people who were in the Alpha stages.  And they were forcing these people to fund their Omega stages of inappropriate expenses. 

As members of a church, whatever church we belong to,  it is a privilege to donate to its sustenance and growth.  I have been grateful for the opportunity to donate of my own free will and to the degree I can to my church throughout my life.  I feel apart of something much bigger than myself.  I have evaluated the continuous blessings I’ve received as a result of doing so:  Temporal and Spiritual Sustainability.  I have never been forced, manipulated, or cajoled into contributing.  I’ve been invited.  I've been taught why it's important.  It is a choice and a privilege.

Elder David A. Bednar

“These sacred funds are used in a rapidly growing church to spiritually bless individuals and families by constructing and maintaining temples and houses of worship, supporting missionary work, translating and publishing scriptures, fostering family history research, funding schools and religious education, and accomplishing many other Church purposes as directed by the Lord’s ordained servants” (Elder David A. Bendnar: "Windows of Heaven").

My donation also goes toward humanitarian aid both in our local community and worldwide.  See what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is doing around the world: LDS Charities and here:

So giving tithing or other support to churches who then turn around and use it to help those in need is not a bad thing.  I don’t think Martin Luther would think so either.  The bone he had to pick was forcing the very ones who needed the aid to give of their meager substance to support those who were using the funds for unholy purposes.  Alpha forced to support Omega when Omega should be supporting Alpha.

I love men who take a stand for what they know is right in their hearts even at the risk of their own life.  Martin Luther was one of these men!

More on Martin Luther. 

Men Like Christ

In my next few blog posts, I'm going to write about four men I believe are like Christ.

The Closet of Prayer

Matthew 6:6

I had somehow come to believe that my ability to sacrifice (works) was more valuable than my ability to ask for help (faith).  At some point in my subconscious mind I became ashamed of my weaknesses--my need to receive.  But there was no getting around it.  I was weak.  I was in need.  So I entered into my closet, shut the door, and prayed...a lot...and for a long time.  Now I'm coming out.

That word--weakness--is one of those words that most people don't want to be associated with.  No one wants to be weak let alone APPEAR weak.  But this is what I mean when I use the word weakness:

 

My Divine Heritage
These are weaknesses I can’t change and don’t want to.  For example, I’m a woman so I don’t have certain strengths that a man has.  A man is a man so he doesn’t have certain strengths that a woman has.  These things I don’t want to change.  We will forever need each other and there's nothing I am more grateful for than that (1Corinthians11:11).

 My Hard Ground
These are weaknesses that can’t be changed in this life.  Disabilities, chronic injuries or diseases, inevitable physical degeneration of the body, my nose

"Overnight"

My Responsibility
These are weaknesses that I currently am unable to change but am working on.  Sometimes I see an ability, talent, or characteristic I would like to have and I desire it.  But no matter how hard I try, I just can't do it, excel in it, or be that way.  I’m not that skilled yet.  Others may already have mastered it and may even regard it as a simple skill.  But because of who I am and what I've been through (or haven't been through), this particular ability comes hard for me.  It takes time and the development of foundational abilities to be able to master higher abilities.  Just because I see it and desire it doesn’t mean I can automatically have it.  I have to be patient with myself and with the required training.  Some abilities have to be quietly woven into my soul over time.  Some pathways need to be walked over and over before the resultant depth finally creates a habit. 

I have come to see that having weaknesses doesn't deprive me of Joy.  It's how I evaluate the fact that I have them.  If this evaluation is skewed, I may indeed foster greater sorrow in my life. 

For example, in the historical fiction series written by Dean Hughes, Childrenof the Promise, based on the true events in World War II, there is a story line about a young woman named Bobbie who enlists as a nurse.  She's stationed in Hawaii to care for the injured soldiers in the South Pacific.  She meets a soldier named Richard, they fall in love, and shortly thereafter he gets sent out to sea.  Their separation causes Bobbie some pretty intense suffering from the fear of not knowing whether he will make it back.  One day she receives news that he is MIA.  She doesn't know if he is dead or alive and the more time passes without any news, the more she is forced to believe he is gone.  Finally she receives the news that he IS ALIVE but has sustained some pretty serious injuries to both of his hands.  

When he gets back, he pushes Bobbie away because of his injuries even though he is deeply in love with her.  And she is deeply in love with him.  For her, his injuries are so minor a burden for her to carry compared to the one she thought she was going to have to bear--his death.  All she wants to do is hold him, love him, marry him.  But because he has this weakness he pushes her away.  He doesn’t want to burden her with what may be a pretty severe handicap for the rest of his life.  And he doesn't seem to understand that Bobbie may very well have the strength to bear it.  Because he is ashamed of his weakness and doesn’t want her to have to sacrifice for him, he withholds himself.  He deprives both her and himself of what could possibly be an eternal relationship full of love, companionship, and complete and utter attraction.  Fortunately Richard does see the light and...well, you'll have to read the book to see what happens. : )

This story illustrates how my evaluation of my weaknesses can lead me to make decisions that deprive not only me but others of Joy.  I am my own worst critic.  Sometimes I look at myself with the weaknesses I have and believe I can’t be loved.  I believe that I am unworthy to be loved because of a, b, or c.  So instead of allowing others to sacrifice for me, I push them away.  I don’t want them to have to carry my burden.  I think they don’t want to.  I think they will resent me or view me as less of a person because of it. 

Hiding my weaknesses from those who have been put into a position to help me only causes me to seek support from conflicting sources.  To those who could and should be my comfort and support I say, “Oh, everything is fine.  No I don’t need anything.”

Balancing my Evaluation

A weakness is just an opportunity for someone else to exercise their value.  It’s a chance for them to use the strengths, abilities, talents they have been given.  It's a chance for us to combine in a relationship.  And when they help, it’s an amazing feeling for both of us!  It enables the Energy to flow through them which is an integral part of Joy.  Allowing and indeed inviting another to sacrifice for me is a foundational part of a healthy relationship. 

Herniated Disc

A few years ago I started taking Yoga for the first time and I loved it!  I loved it so much that I wanted to go more and more often so that I could become a superstar at it!  I wanted to be able to do THIS:

"Slow Down" by Jenny Jordan Frogley

I didn't quite get there but over time muscles that I didn’t know I had were strengthened.  I found that this improved my overall strength and posture so that I was better able to handle my everyday activities.  But with the increase in frequency and intensity of Yoga classes, there was one area of my body that wasn’t so happy.  My lower back seemed to be getting weaker over time.  I thought it was muscular.  I thought I was just experiencing DOMS (delayed onset muscular soreness)and just needed to be more consistent in attending classes so that my lower back muscles would strengthen.  I asked a Yoga instructor about it and she directed me to strengthening my core muscles.  I worked on that but the pain in my back continued and increased after each Yoga class.  There were periods of time when I was walking around like an age-ed woman and bending over ever-so-carefully to put each dish in the dishwasher. 

One day I went for a 3-mile run because I also decided that I wanted to start training for a half-marathon!  Yeah!  I was sure I’d learn crucial life lessons with that and feel my value.  Well, that 3-mile run was the end of Yoga and half-marathons for me (at least for a long while).  My disk herniated.  It’s guts squished out so that a bulge was pressing on my nerve.  And it was so painful for such a loooong time!  : (

So what did I learn from this?  I seriously have the tendency to get over-excited about the things I enjoy and the prospect of obtaining new abilities.  So much so that I try to get there at too fast a pace.  I’m willing to put up with quite a bit of pain in the sacrifice.  But this kind of pain wasn’t the kind I needed to endure in order to reap my reward.  This was WARNING PAIN.  “Stop now.  Stop.  Go back.  Do not proceed any further.  Long term painful injury, longer than you’ve ever had to endure before, ahead!”  And I misread it!

Paradoxical Results:  Reading Pain and Sorrow Signals

With every long term sacrifice to obtain a goal there is pain and sorrow that I need to endure.  The question is when is that pain/sorrow warning me to stop what I’m doing and when is it something I just need to endure?  Should I change or should I hold steadfast?

This is what I’ve learned:

I engage in a sacrifice process over time to obtain a goal (check out the diagram above).  I’m really excited about it in the beginning!  Lots of Energy!  I can’t wait to see results!  If over time the pain/sorrow increases and the Energy (or Joy) that I experience decreases to the point that I can’t keep my regular commitments, I need to change my sacrifice process.  I’m doing something wrong.  I may not be doing the whole thing wrong so I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water.  But I need to reevaluate the situation.  Most of the time the problem is that I need to take more time developing foundational, core strength first and then proceed to higher levels.

  

On the other hand, if I engage in a sacrifice process to obtain a goal and the initial pain/sorrow decreases over time and my Energy (or Joy) increases, then I know I need to remain steadfast.  The above diagram depicts how strength is established, an ability is formed, or a talent is gained.  But it is also true that adjustments might need to be made along the way.  The level of sacrifice could increase as my capacity to bear it increases.  Or the continued sacrifice may in time reveal a weakness I can’t change that I didn’t know I had.  Thus I reevaluate the situation and figure out what I can do to strengthen the muscles around that weakness.  Or maybe I find that I need to rely on someone else’s muscle in order to keep going.

A Cause

In past posts I have mentioned the concept of a New Parent.  In my studies I have generalized the parent role to include all individuals who are assigned to a position of influence.  These are people who either have the responsibility or desire to influence me, train me, provide for me, evaluate me, be an example for me.  I call this role by a more general name:  CAUSE.  A Cause can be a teacher, a boss, an older sibling, a coach, a supervisor, spouse, or even a friend.    In the dictionary Cause is defined as “a person or thing that gives rise to an action, phenomenon, or condition.”  When we sacrifice, serve, give, provide, teach we are acting as a Cause.  When we sing, paint, write, or exercise whatever talents we have been given, we act as a Cause.  I have sited several Causes in my posts.  Here is an index:  Cause Index.

So what is pressuring or Cause-ing me to believe I need to overdo it instead of inviting and allowing others to help me out?  Why do I sometimes get so "cumbered about much serving" (Luke 10:38-42)?  Why do I want to run faster than I have strength?  Why am I always having to beat down my kick-butt mentality?

When a child is raised by a Survival Cause, she is expected to make sacrifices she isn’t yet capable of.  She will grow up with the kick-butt, overdoing-it mentality.  She will believe running faster than she has strength is actually running at a normal pace.  She doesn’t look for grace as much as she looks for ways she can work through whatever conflicts come her way on her own.  She’s not used to help and may even think asking for help IS WEAKNESS.  She lives off of praise and is not so much into empathy, compassion, and recognizing her humanity.

"Responsibility and Choice"

Hymn #85

Evaluating Causes

Before I evaluate the Survival tendencies of my parents or any other Cause, I need to include an evaluation of their Causes.  Either they were also raised by Survival Causes OR they currently do not have a Paradoxical Cause they can depend on.  Even if we’re all grown up, we need a Cause.  It’s just one of those weaknesses that we can’t get around.  Married or unmarried, if there is not a secure relationship with a Paradoxical Cause, a parent will deviate into Survival Parenting.

No parent is perfect.  That means all of us have grown up with a degree of inability to be a Paradoxical Cause.  Some of us have a greater degree of inability than others and this causes strife in relationships.  It helps me to remember that I am culpable to the degree I have been Paradoxically Parented.  I do not use how I was raised as an excuse to continue acting as a Survival Cause.  When I recognized what was going on I realized it was my responsibility to find a Cause—one who would not only teach me Paradoxical Skills but also be a Cause that met my needs through his sacrifice.  I needed to be taught.  And I needed his empathy, compassion, Peace, love in order to heal.  I needed a companion who was balanced and always available. 

Coming Out of the Closet

Who is in your closet with you?  Who do you go to for help with your weaknesses?  

If you are in search of a Cause like I've described here, may I introduce you to my Cause?  His office hours are 24/7.  He doesn’t require you to pay him money but he does need your commitment.  You will need to become a Cause like he is to the degree you are capable.  That means you pass on to others what he teaches you in word AND in action.  Your allegiance is required.  You cannot turn to conflicting Causes who serve up chocolate cake when the going gets tough.  (And chocolate cake is a metaphor for whatever it is you turn to that does not have the power to support you now AND in the long run.) You need to turn to him instead.  Always trust him.  He is a Paradoxical Cause.  So to whatever degree you didn’t get this growing up, he will allocate a space in time for you to be retrained.  You are not condemned for what someone else has done to you and your resultant weaknesses (Article of Faith #2).  Objectively and subjectively you will develop the skills you desire.  He will always be there for you.  For weaknesses that can’t be changed, he will either put others into your life who will serve as your Para-Symbiotic Causes or he will do so himself.

 Elder Richard G. Scott: “Personal Strength through the Atonement of Jesus Christ”

In case it hasn’t been clear in my past posts, my Cause is Jesus Christ.  He's the one in my "closet."  The way I have witnessed my allegiance to him is by being baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I’m a Christian.  And I'm a Mormon.  I engage in the general sacrifices as described in the scriptures, which we believe to be the word of God.  We believe in prophets who expound upon the scriptures to accurately apply their core principles to the specific situations we are faced with today.  These men are governed by the Cause of Christ.  We are counseled to connect directly with our God through prayer and obedience to know in our hearts what is true and what is false (Moroni 10:4-6).  In reporting my Paradoxical Results of sacrificing in this way—the way this church advocates—my Joy increases in depth continuously over time (Alma 32:27-42).

Meet my Cause:  Chat with a Missionary  +  Read how I learned to "Chat" with God

So Say Geronimo!

Life is a highway but I don’t want to ride it all night long. Here’s why:

When I went on that road trip mentioned in the previous blog post, I dropped my son off at college and then headed south to visit my mom and stepdad.  I was on the highway for a long time.  I was envisioning my destination. I was sure my mom would have dinner ready, a nice cozy room for me to stay in, and it would be good to be out of the car. I was motivated to get there as efficiently as possible.  That was my goal.  I like to drive fast but I also strive to yield to the speed limit laws so when the sign says I can go 80, I want to go 80.

Listen:  "Life Is A Highway" by Rascal Flatts

Driving Obstacles
The first obstacle between me and my final destination was the distance.  I had to endure through the sacrifice of time, vigilance, and pressing on that gas peddle to be able to achieve my goal.  Really not too bad of a sacrifice considering the efforts my predecessors made crossing the same distance.  The second obstacle was to stay within the law—obey the speed limit as well as the other rules of the road, one of my favorite being: Stay to the right except to pass.  The third obstacle was the other drivers on the road, all of whom had their own destinations and there own way of getting there.  Some drove faster than me and thus over the speed limit and some drove slower than me and under the speed limit.  Some of the slower drivers liked to stay in the fast lane even though they weren’t passing anyone.  Some slower drivers liked to get in front of me just as I was about to pass a semi.  And that kind of stuff happened over and over again.  It wasn’t just a one time experience.  And of course it happens repeatedly every time I take a road trip.  I’m sure it’s the same for everyone else.

These other drivers and their different ways of driving present multiple conflicts for me as I’m focused on my goal:  getting to my final destination in the most efficient way possible.  This is because  I have another goal that is more important to me.  It’s to maintain Charity. It’s to love others and do good to them, regardless of how they treat me.  My commitment is to Paradoxical Living (see  blog posts Paradoxical Parenting and World Peace). So I wondered how I could maintain that commitment.  And what were my motives for trying to keep this commitment on the highway when nobody I knew was around?  

...Except God.  He’s around and is the one I’m mostly concerned about so I somehow had to figure out how to deal appropriately with each little internal irritating conflict I was having.  My goal above all sub-goals is to make my temple—my body and spirit—a sacred place where God himself would desire to dwell.  Nourishing irritating feelings and persistent unkind thoughts spawns bad habits and creates an environment in me that he may not be so comfortable in.  And without him there, life is not the same. So you see where my motivation to learn how to deal fairly and charitably with all these unknown drivers on the road (who I will probably never see again in my life) is coming from.

Every time I was caught behind a slow driver or was being tailed by someone going faster than the speed limit, I had a choice to make.  I could allow the jerk in me to come out. That’s certainly the response that comes natural and easy to me in the moment.  I could have manipulated whatever variables within my control to get in front of others.  I could have tailed other people as close as I dared to communicate to them in a rude (and dangerous) way that I wanted them to get out of my way or that I didn’t like how they had done the same to me a minute ago.  I could have a me-first mentality all the way from Colorado to Provo and then from Provo to St. George.  I could have spread selfishness all the way across two states.  I say spread because we all know what we are tempted to do when someone treats us with selfishness.  It’s like a virus.

If I choose the above action plan, I use this reasoning:  I have somewhere to go.  I have to get there.  I don’t like to be in the car longer than I have to be.  These people are in my way.  They don’t know how to drive.  I do.  But the issue is, I’m a little too smart to get away with this reasoning.  Or the Spirit that hangs out with me is.  Never fails, if I am reasoning that I have somewhere to go, I immediately see that SO DO THE OTHER DRIVERS!  So amazing, isn’t it?  Everyone is on a journey to obtain their own goals.  And somehow, someway we’ve got to put up with each other as we cross each other’s paths or travel along the same roads for a while.

Life is a Highway is a fun song but I think a song that better describes my Life-Highway experience is Geronimo by Sheppard.



Read on to see what I mean.

What is Charity?
The other response I could have to the “other people on the road” is to maintain Charity towards them.  This is about not tailing them when they are in front of me and going slower than the speed limit.  It is about giving them plenty of space and waiting for them to move over when they get the chance.  Usually they can’t move over anyway because a semi is in the way or it’s a two-lane highway.  So what good is tailing them?  And if they choose to get in front of me before I pass the semi, then let them.  Slow down and remember they are on their journey too.  Here is an opportunity to give them a hand.  I’ll voluntarily break and allow them to go in front of me when their blinker comes on.  I can do that. It’s just a small thing.  Yeah, it is uncomfortable, but every effort makes me into a different person—someone who has the capacity to bear the weight of others’ goals AND/OR problems, ignorances, mistakes, selfishness, imbalances WITHOUT crumbling into selfishness myself.  To be able to do this, I have to remember that this is my main goal, not the other.  It means more to me than getting to my nice warm and cozy dinner, family, and bed.  I don’t want to arrive at my destination having littered the road with unkind deeds and having a virulent irritation for all humanity sprouting up in my heart.  What kind of reward would I be to my family when I finally got there if that was the way I got there?  What kind of environment in my temple would I be making for God if I did that all the time?

“But [Jesus] answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” ~Matthew 4:4

Make this leap!

My real goal is about dealing with every conflict that comes my way with success.  I stay in the Safe Place, meaning I don’t lose the Spirit.  I assist other people to do that as well.  If I’m rude to them, even if I think they’ve been rude to me first, I become a pawn of the adversary’s to tempt them out of the Safe Place. A lot of times we think people are being rude to us on purpose but they are sometimes just doing whatever they’re doing out of ignorance or innocence. And sometimes we get angry at ignorance. We call it negligence. That only spawns hatred of humanity, which ends with us becoming one of the humans we hate.

"Wherefore, he has given a law; and where there is no law given there is no punishment; and where there is no punishment there is no condemnation; and where there is no condemnation the mercies of the Holy One of Israel have claim upon them, because of the atonement; for they are delivered by the power of him." ~2 Nephi 9:25

Bombs away!  Can you feel my love?

When I maintain Charity towards others who drive evidently selfish, it’s not that I have warm fuzzy loving feelings for them throughout the whole experience.  I don’t. It hurts.  It annoys. It is a workout for my heart to not respond in kind. I accept this workout. I know why I’m feeling this pain. I’m sacrificing for my fellow men in general. I know God understands it when I’m working through the irritation. In fact he's been there and probably quite a bit. He just doesn’t want me to give way to it, agree with it, nourish it, and act upon it.

Make this leap!

Some people choose to reduce the intensity of this workout by making up excuses in their minds about why the other driver was so selfish. Maybe they are on the way to the hospital or some other emergency.  Maybe they just didn’t know. Yeah, that helps to some degree and sometimes it’s true.  But my intelligence does not allow me to trick myself into believing it is the case in every situation or even most situations.  I know there are in existence many drivers who drive selfishly because they are selfish and they don’t give a crap about anyone else.  I just can’t make myself believe that everyone of them has some kind of medical emergency or they have no idea what they are doing.  So when I maintain Charity towards drivers like these the love I have for them comes from my actions.  I will allow them to get in front of me.  I will wait for them.  I will be patient with them.  I will not respond in kind.  I won’t flip them off or ride on their tail or make ugly faces or shake my fist at them.  I will remain patient.  Under no circumstance will they see a trace of the struggle I’m having inside because of what they did.  I will maintain my countenance so they have no idea what’s happening inside of me.  Let's just be clear here:  This is what I'm striving to achieve.  Not what I have yet achieved.

"Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly." ~Matthew 6:16-18

Make this leap!

That’s how I love them.  I’m not thinking, “Oh you poor soul, God loves you!  Go in front of me.  You are a wonderful human being.” No. I’m thinking, “I get it. I’ve been there too. Running late or just prefer to drive fast and thinking only of your own destination. Not there yet in being able to figure out that all of us around you want to get to our destination as efficiently as possible too.  I’ll deal with this. I will not fan the flame of my irritation. I’ll just wait for it to pass through me. I hope you learn sometime soon that selfishness is not the best strategy to obtain what you want.”

Can you feel my love?  Make this leap!

If I am forced to endure the lawless driving of another vehicle on the highway for extended periods of time after I have been patient, I objectively look for a way to get around them or away from them.  I don’t do it to communicate how angry I am with them.  I do it matter-of-factly.  I am saying, “Go ahead and proceed the way you are if that is your way of driving, but I’m just going to go along my way too.  Pass on the right.  Bye!”  Of course if they are way lawless and dangerous, I should report it to the highway patrol so this person doesn’t end up crashing into someone else.  In other relationship scenarios, I could most likely open the communication channels up more fully before having to call in “the authorities.”  Thankfully, since I’m keeping myself in the Safe Place instead of losing it, I can listen to the Holy Ghost to make that kind of discernment-decision.

But we all know that we get into scenarios where we can do nothing to pass the person and are stuck behind them seemingly forever.  In this case we have a greater degree of adversity to bear. Just objectively knowing this is a very difficult trial to endure gives me greater ability to deal with it.  Fighting the natural man response process will only make me stronger.  I turn to the Lord in faith.  I plead for his help—to help me endure to the end of this trial and to help me get out of it soon.  Then I just endure as long as is required because I trust he won’t allow things to try me past what is good for me. 

“So say Geronimo!”

Obviously these kinds of conflicts do indeed happen on the highway.  But the metaphor is that life is a highway and the interactions we have with other drivers are symbolic of the interactions we have with everyone in our lives: our spouse, kids, relatives, friends, neighbors, community members, coworkers, etc.  And while we all have a final destination to get to—our happiness and comfort with family and friends—bee-lining to it at the expense of others is not the best way to get there.  Why?  Because we’re being watched.  God is watching us and all his holy angels.  They are keeping a careful record.  Our final-final destination is with all of them as well as our present family and friends.  And the type of person we have become along life’s highways is the type of person we are at our final destination.  Who do we want to live with there and who will want to live with us?

I know my heaven is with people who have developed their Charity to a similar level that I have by doing what I’m struggling to do on life’s highway.  And heaven is “through the curtains of the waterfall!”  The kind of spirits that attend us now are the kind of people we will dwell with eternally.  Even if no one on the highway sees or cares too much about how much I “make this leap!” for them, I know God sees it.  I can feel his increased desire to dwell with me when he sees it.  My family and friends feel the difference in their interactions with me.  Perhaps if I can master this Highway Charity with the Savior’s help, I will eventually sing, “Life is a highway and I [do] want to ride it all night long.”  If he’s going my way (or I’m going his), then yeah, I do “want to drive it all night long.”  But for now...

“We can make this leap!…Through the curtains of the waterfall…So say Geronimo!…Bombs away…Can you feel my love?”