The Word

There are so many words in the English language and in every other language on the earth. Behind all languages is a united semantic meaning. We just use words to describe the meaning that independently exists. These are the words I have used to describe the Semantic Meaning I was being shown.

Adversity = Abuse/Neglect X Random vs. Intentional

Random = Unconscious or Ignorant (lack of knowledge) or Natural Disasters, Accidents

Intentional = Having knowledge, purposeful, selfish

Sorrow = Fear/Depression

Abuse and Neglect cause Fear and Depression

When we Abuse ourselves or others we experience Fear.

When we Neglect ourselves or others we experience Depression.

Abuse = Processing beyond the NW Threshold

Neglect = Processing below the NE Threshold

Love = Processing within the Northern Threshold or Zone

Love = Mercy

Mercy = Justice/Time

Love = Faith/Sacrifice

Love causes Peace and Energy.

Joy = Peace/Energy

Sustainable Love = Sustainable Joy

Northern Desire = Hope

NW Desire = Demand

NE Desire = Apathy

Northern Process = Love = Faith/Sacrifice

Faith = Receiving Peace from Others' Sacrifices

Faith = Experience the Flow of Energy inward

Sacrifice = Giving Peace through Sacrifice for Others

Sacrifice = Experience the Flow of Energy outward

NW Process = Abuse = Too little Faith/Too much Sacrifice

Abuse = Force Others to Sacrifice to give you Peace

Abuse = Experience too Intensely the Flow of Energy outward and not enough inward = Stress, Anxiety, Fear

NE Process = Neglect = Too much Faith/Too little Sacrifice

Neglect = Don't Sacrifice enough to give others Peace

Neglect = Experience Energy pooled up and stagnant = Boredom, Lethargy, Depression

Southern Evaluation = Remembrance 

Remembrance X Success = Confidence/Gratitude

Remembrance X Failure = Empathy/Humility

SE/SW Evaluation X Success = Pride/Envy

SE/SW Evaluation X Failure = Toxic Shame/Toxic Blame

SE Success/Failure Evaluation = Pride/Toxic Shame -> NW Desire + Process = Demand/Abuse

SW Success/Failure Evaluation = Envy/Toxic Blame -> NE Desire + Process = Apathy/Neglect

Pride Effects = False sense of Importance and Success, You think you're better than others, you are happy that others are failing because it means that you're winning (you are ahead of them).

Envy Effects = False sense that your conditions are unfair because others have Success. Feel sorry for yourself when others succeed, have Resources you don't.

Resources = talents, gifts, abilities, natural resources, skills, knowledge, strengths

Toxic Shame Process = False perception of your Weaknesses and Failures. A Fixed Mindset that you are responsible for all Failures. Fixed Mindset that there is nothing you can do about mistakes, Failures. You see yourself as a Failure instead of the Process. You can't separate the two. You can't see that there are other Causes invovled.

Toxic Shame Effects = Insecurity, Inhibition, Low Self-esteem, feel worthless

Toxic Blame Process = False perception of other people's Weaknesses and Failures. A Fixed Mindset that they are responsible for all your Failures. The false perception that you have to rely completely on others for your success and they are failing you.  You see them as the Failure instead of the Process or Circumstances. You can't separate the two. You can't see that there is something you can do to change your Results.

Toxic Blame Effects = Anger, Irritation, Annoyance

Results X Success = Resource, abilities, talents, skills, knowledge

Cause = A person who has Success Results

Results X Failure = Weaknesses, disabilities, ignorance, DESIRE

Child = A person who presently has Failure Results

Remembrance X Success or Confidence Process = Objective understanding of the Resources you have to Sacrifice for others. Understanding of your responsibilities. To whom much is given, much is required.

Others = Children/Causes 

Children/Causes in Northern Threshold = Servants/Partners

NW/NE - SE/SW Children/Causes = Slaves/Competitors

Remembrance X Success or Gratitude Process = Objective understanding of the Resources others are Sacrificing for you. Thankfulness when they fulfill their responsibility to you. The realization that they experience Joy when they are able to Sacrifice for you.

Remembrance X Failure or Humility Process = Objective understanding of your lack of Resources to provide for your needs and to Sacrifice for others. Acknowledgment of your dependence on other Causes who have Resources. Growth Mindset - there is a time and space for you to get it right, to learn, to achieve, to develop the Resources you desire.

Remembrance X Failure or Empathy Process = Objective understanding that others lack the Resources that you have. Growth Mindset that they are in a temporary state, which can be changed. Willingness to be a part of that change. Remembering that you also have Failures and Weaknesses that you are still working on. Remembering that in the past you had similar Failures and through time and experience as well as the assistance of others, the Failures have been turned into Successes.

Failure - A term and concept used in Pride/Envy + Toxic Shame/Blame Evaluation with Fixed Mindset to suggest Eternal Worthlessness.

Failure - A term and concept used in Confidence/Humility + Empathy/Gratitude Evaluation with a Growth Mindset to suggest a Temporary Setback which can be changed into Desire and Opportunity through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

The Secrets I Have Learned

I remember a morning when I was five years old. My mom wanted me to wear a dress to kindergarten. But I didn’t want to. So, there arose a conflict between us. I was vehemently screaming, “I don’t want to wear a dress!” when I saw my stepdad coming up the basement stairs. I thought he had gone to work already. He usually wasn’t there at this time of the morning. But there he was, an angry look on his face that I recognized all too well. I stopped screaming immediately and I turned around and ran back up the stairs. He came after me…

Above Image: Guiding Light by Annie Henrie Nader

This is part 5 of "I Have a Tale to Tell"

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

What followed was extreme NW parenting. I won’t describe the details. They don’t matter now. What matters is what I learned AND did not learn from this and many subsequent interactions with him between the ages of 4 and 10.

In evaluating this story and my stepdad, I want to address the semantic concept of Evaluation, which is on the Southern side of the Compass. It has been important for me to know and be careful about the way I evaluate relationships, people, events, feelings, and results. This is because the way I evaluate others is the way I evaluate myself.

"With what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged." -Matthew 7:1-5

The Southern Balance

The South is the ideal way of evaluating the past and present things that happen. We divide these results into two categories: successes and failures. Of course, on the Compass, there are degrees between total success and total failures. In semantics, every concept has incremental degrees between the two extreme points like the degrees between light and darkness that make up the Zone.

So, the South represents the ideal way to evaluate success. Ideally, when we achieve success, we acknowledge that we have been a contributor. Our choices, our actions, our words, our thoughts, our sacrifices. We also acknowledge that there were others who played a significant role in achieving it. Others include God, our parents, teachers, friends, children, extended family, spouses, or other community members. 

We need to remember that there are so many people who have come before us and who have contributed to our present privileges and resources. Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, the Founding Fathers, whoever invented plumping, automobiles, and computers. There are so many more. Seriously, we cannot forget that we stand on their shoulders. It is important to acknowledge that it is always a team effort to accomplish our goals.

It is also important to evaluate accurately because when we go into the next goal achievement process, we won’t try to do it in an extreme NW/NE way, in which we think that some things ride on our effort and sacrifice alone (when they don't) AND at the same time leave other more crucial things undone. When we evaluate in Extreme Imbalance and the going gets tough or when the going gets super boring, we are likely to abuse and neglect ourselves and others. It is not a sustainable evaluation process.

If we evaluate in the South, we are very aware that in our next goal achievement process, we need to find the balance in the team effort. When we engage in this type of process, we will achieve a greater degree of success together.

Evaluating Failure through the Southern Balance

The South also represents the ideal way to evaluate failure. We acknowledge that we have contributed to the problem. Our choices, actions, words, thoughts, and NW/NE ways of doing things were most likely partly responsible for a failed outcome. We also acknowledge that there were others who played a significant role in causing the problem. Others include God, our parents, teachers, friends, family, spouses, and other community members. 

We all are falling together because of this bumper-car-state we are in. And we need to experience this Fallen state in order to develop REAL sustainable compatible relationships. The bottom line is that sacrificing for each other enables us to develop bonds of love that cannot be developed in any other way. If there were not REAL opportunities to sacrifice, these bonds could not form.

Southeast Evaluation - Pride & Shame

The Southeast (SE) way of evaluating is when we take too much credit for successes or too much responsibility for failures. 

Taking too much credit is pride. It is thinking that we have obtained our privileges and resources by the strength of our own arm without any help from anyone else. We think we deserve all the credit. That’s the extreme. But it is still an incompatible way of evaluating when we don’t attribute enough of the credit to others. 

Taking too much of the responsibility for a failure is Toxic Shame. Shame and guilt are within the Zone between the South and extreme SE. Sometimes that kind of evaluation is helpful and contributes to our motivation to change. Changing is about developing better relationship skills that bring us Sustainable Joy. But Toxic Shame will result in the opposite. It will lock a person up and ruin people and relationships. 

Southwest Evaluation - Inhibition & Blame

The Southwest (SW) way of evaluating is when we take too little credit for successes or too little responsibility for failures. 

The semantics behind taking too little credit for successes is somewhat hidden in our society. It is vague and squashed out because so many of us are attempting to avoid the extreme imbalanced evaluation of pride. But when we take too little credit for the actual contributions we have made to a success we end up with low self-esteem or low confidence. We are inhibited, hesitant, doubtful, nervous, insecure, unsure, and wavering. We might think it is the saintly thing to do to attribute the success completely to God or to others. But where does that end us up when we go into the next goal achievement process? In the NE. In a NE goal achievement process, we think God or others will do everything for us to accomplish the goal. And if it doesn’t happen, then what? Should we blame them for the failure? 

Toxic Blame is the other side of the SW coin. The Lord has trained me to think of this constructively. If we blame too much of a failure on someone else, we miss opportunities to turn failures into successes. We get so hung up on something that has happened to us and we think the solution is to talk about what others have done to us over and over again. There is a time and space to talk about it. And we need to do that. But when that is our eternal resolution process, we are not understanding the power that the Atonement of Jesus Christ gives us to make lemonade out of lemons!

The opportunity to change things is made possible by his Atonement. He comes in as an opposing power to the Fall. The Fall causes the bumper-car experience. When something bad is done to us, we inadvertently are forced to do something bad to someone else. Bumper cars. Or you could think of it like dominoes. When one falls, it hits the next one in line, and before you know it, everyone is down.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the Space between Stimulus and Response

Jesus Christ creates that space between the bumper cars or between the dominoes. He can help us create that space in ourselves. Even though something bad has been done to us, we can be trained to use our choice, our will, our strength to refrain from passing it along. Instead, we turn to Christ with the pain and sorrow. We turn to him to receive his comfort, peace, and strength. And we turn to him for retraining. I have found that process completely healing and satisfying. More on that later.

But let’s get back to evaluating my stepdad. The Lord has taught me how to evaluate in the Southern Zone. He has given me time to talk about what was done to me and what it subsequently caused me to do. There were many times that I needed to vent. He was there to allow me to do that. I needed that space and time. To force me or guilt me into forgiving others before I was actually ready to do it from my heart is not a sustainable process. To objectively evaluate the pain and sorrow that I experienced throughout my childhood and into adulthood because of the way I was raised has also been important. I used to perpetually evaluate my past from both the SE and SW extremes. Learning how to evaluate in the South has freed me from many of the chains of bondage that have kept me down for so many years. 

My stepdad parented me from the extreme NW/NE. Too much discipline, too soon, and not enough patient training. But he did this because his parents disciplined him in the same way. Before he married my mom, he turned to the Lord to change some of the dysfunctional behaviors he had learned from his upbringing. For example, he didn’t pass on alcoholism to me or my siblings. I am thankful to him for that. 

But it is difficult to absorb the full force of the impact from previous generations and completely stop it from passing on to the next. Some of it usually squeezes through. I know this because I experienced it myself. 

When I became a parent, I had no idea there were dormant dominos inside of me. I mean, I knew what had happened growing up, but I thought that just knowing that it was not a good way to parent was enough. It wasn’t enough. The dormant dominos woke up when I was faced with the challenges of parenthood. I also parented in the extreme NW/NE at times. In one of my previous posts on Paradoxical Parenting, I referred to this as Survival Parenting.

Read more details about my parenting experiences in these posts: 

It's My Party

Before & After

Children Need to be Disciplined

The fact is that children need to be disciplined. They don’t have compatible relationship skills yet. They are focused on getting their own needs met. They scream and yell. They throw tantrums. They kick, hit, punch, push, and bite in their attempts to resolve conflict and obtain their desires. They aren’t always the little angels that many people like to portray them as. But they do have that angel side. They are a dichotomy of angel and devil (think Jack Jack). And parents have to figure out how to deal with them. 

The Lord showed me that the key to remember is that we all have desires and conflicts. It is not wrong to desire something. It was not wrong that my stepdad wanted me to learn how to resolve my conflicts in a more reasonable way than screaming. We all would prefer that our children did not scream their heads off when things didn’t go their way. But I did not learn a more functional way of resolving my conflicts when my stepdad responded to me with extreme NW/NE discipline.

I didn’t learn the following principles from these interactions: 

1. When things don’t go your way, stay calm and try to patiently discuss the pros and cons of each viewpoint. 
2. Use gentleness and intelligent conversations to persuade other people if you seriously believe (or know) that your viewpoint is the better choice. 
3. Evaluate who has the final say on what should be done. Children have the right to choose many things, and it is good to give them as many chances to choose for themselves within the NW/NE boundaries as you can. 
4. Parents should let children experience consequences instead of resorting to Extreme NW/NE parenting to prevent them from happening.
5. Parents should give children appropriate consequences within the Northern Zone to train children before they go out into the world and suffer harsher consequences because they didn't know better.
6. Developing compatible relationships between parent and child and obtaining these Balanced Northern Relationship Skills are more valuable results than getting your way using brute force in the moment.

The Secrets I Have Learned

I have spent years being ashamed of disciplining in extreme NW/NE  during my early parenting years. Even though I too absorbed much of the force of the impact and did not pass along much of what I experienced to my children, there was still some that squeezed out of me during the toughest moments. I have cried many tears of regret and shame. I knew better but I did not know HOW to discipline in the Northern Zone until the Lord came for me and rescued me. Literally rescued me. He gave me the power to absorb much more than I was able to do alone.

What helps me to evaluate my past-self appropriately is the following variables:

1. I was consistently praying for help throughout those years
2. When he came for me (or I finally had enough, and came to him with a heart sufficiently broken) and showed me the HOW, I changed

The semantic secrets that he shared with me stopped the domino effect in me. That doesn’t mean I was a perfect parent, but I became very functional. With the Lord, I parented my kids within the Northern Zone. We teamed up together. I asked to know his secrets. I devoted my time to studying them. When he showed me what he was and taught me his relationship skills I didn’t just write them down and try to publish them. I applied them. I had questions. I asked him. He answered them. My knowledge increased. My accountability increased. That accountability led me to change my dysfunctional ways of resolving conflicts and obtaining desires to more functional ways. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. A better way of saying that is that I couldn’t live with myself living with the Lord if I didn’t. I’m not talking about Toxic Shame. I’m talking about admiration and love. He is what I respect. He is what I see. I am not happy unless I can see him. And I am not happy unless I am continually striving to balance myself in the North as he balances himself.

I Have a Tale to Tell

The tale I have been trying to tell is not about the Imbalanced things that have been done to me. Yet they do play a part in the story. How could I possibly value the freedom and the Sustainable Joy I experience now if I had never experienced the sorrow? 

My focus and my complete joy is the tale of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I'm telling the story of how he came for me and in doing so I hope to propagate the news that he has the power to come for everyone. This is the secret: If you have sorrow, thank your lucky stars! You now have the capacity to experience joy to that same level of intensity that you have experienced sorrow. But you need to ask and choose to listen and commit. 

If you have a tale to tell like mine - of how He has already come for you, I encourage you to share it to strengthen others' faith in Christ. 

If you're still in the middle of your story and are experiencing extreme pain and sorrow, I hope this story I am sharing will strengthen your faith in Christ and give you hope!

Listen: Live to Tell by Madonna (clean)

Reality Hit: Smoking Is not a Good Idea

My early life was like finding my way through a dark maze. I had to learn a lot of things by taking a pathway and finding out it was a dead end. This story is about one of those experiences. 

Somewhere around the end of 7th grade, beginning of 8th, I met some new friends. They smoked. One of them gave me a pack of cigarettes. I tried them. I smoked off and on throughout my 8th grade year. This was the year I stopped going to church. I’m not sure which came first – the smoking or the decision to quit going to church. I sometimes smoked with other friends who didn’t smoke. It always made me feel guilty. Even though I generally didn’t feel very bad about doing it, I sometimes was aware that I should be the one setting the example here and I wasn’t.

Nicotine is Extremely Toxic

One side effect from smoking was that it hurt my stomach and gave me diarrhea. About 30 years later in my BYU-I Anatomy and Physiology class, I would learn that nicotine stimulates both the sympathetic (fight of flight) nervous system and the parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system. The body doesn’t know what to do because it is receiving conflicting signals. Heart rate becomes irregular because there are simultaneous stimuli to increase and decrease it. My textbook ends this description with, “Nicotine is extremely toxic, and even small amounts can be lethal” (BIO 264-265, McGraw Hill, 2014, p. 561). At 13 years old, I don’t remember being too worried about the long-term effects of smoking. After all, my grandpa smoked, and he didn’t seem any worse for it. And I totally looked up to him. But at the same time, I didn’t like the stomach aches and the diarrhea.

Motion and Smoke Sickness Mixed Together

Towards the end of 8th grade I was invited to a slumber party. We all went to Marriott’s Great American on a Friday night. A group of us went on the birdcage ride. A few of us pulled out cigarettes and started smoking. A number of things happened. Most of the girls did not smoke with us. I sensed they felt uncomfortable. I became conscious of my responsibility to set a good example again. The guilt was intense. At the same time, I was feeling motion sick from the ride. That combined with the dizziness or “buzz” from the nicotine left me feeling super sick. 

The reality seemed to hit me all at once: Smoking is not a good idea.

The next day, I made a decision: I would never smoke again. I never did. 

Guilt is Helpful Sometimes

In hindsight, I recognize the guilty feeling as the Lord’s censure. Because I had been baptized and had made a commitment to stand as a witness of his name, I was accountable. I have been censured or chastised similarly over the years for other things, so I am now more familiar with his voice. And so, looking back at these events, I see that it was him trying to steer me in the right direction. But I also notice that he valued my agency. He didn’t want the reason I decided to quit to be about force or ascetic manipulation. He wanted it to be my choice. Was I interested in taking care of my body and being a good example or not? What was most important to me? I made the choice and we moved on.

The repentance decision triggered a domino-effect of subsequent events. These were good and spiritually progressive events. 

I've written about them here: Change Like A Sunrise.

If you didn't read the last post, you should. It's a good one. It's not only about where Jesus grew up, but also about a quiet, tender mercy that happened while I was touring Israel a few years ago. Read it here: Where Had Jesus Grown Up?

It Was a Year of Shadow

In 1983 when I was 13 years old and in 8th grade, I stopped going to church. My mom said I could make my own decision about going, and so I chose not to go. It was a year of shadow. At least that’s what the memories look like now. At the time, I didn’t notice the shifting shades of gray as I walked along this pathway. And I wasn’t yet able to associate many of the consequences that occurred that year as a result of my choice. It’s only in hindsight that I see the link. 

It wasn’t so much that I should have been at church and wasn’t. It was that in not going I stepped away from the steady source of light and truth that is especially valuable to children who are just developing their sense of who they are. I became unconscious of my value, my worth, my accountability to God.

During this year of overcast skies, I had some friends that smoked. I was curious when they handed me a cigarette. I wondered how it would make me feel. So, I tried it. I didn’t feel bad about it. One night, they got a hold of some marijuana and invited me to try it. Again, I was curious about how it would make me feel. I tried it. The effect was that it took away some of my ability to choose. I remember I didn’t have a lot of control over what I said. It was like my boundaries were down. Thankfully, I didn’t do anything more than hang out with my friends that night. When I got home, I lay down on my bed and saw myself almost from a third-person perspective. A voice in my head spoke:

“Do you like how you feel?”

“No,” I responded.

“Then we don’t have to do this again.”

“Okay.”

I never did.

Emmanuel, God With Us

This post is part 2 of the last one. The topic of the last one was our covenant relationship with Jesus Christ and how it is sometimes likened to the covenants made between a husband and wife in marriage. Our Savior never breaks up with us. We are usually the ones who wander off. We do that by breaking our commitments to him in sundry ways. We cheat.

What Really Matters: Striving to Get the Cheat Out
Some people don’t cheat at all. That’s our Savior, Heavenly Father, and the Holy Ghost. Some people cheat a little and others cheat a lot. Some are striving a little to get the cheat out of them and others are striving a lot to get it out. How much we are trying to get the cheat out of us with real intent determines the kind of people we spiritually live with NOW and spiritually and physically will live with in heaven (our Paradise). It determines just how close of a relationship with our Savior we have now and throughout all of eternity. If we continuously break our commitments to him without sincerely repenting, we separate ourselves from him.

“If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.” ~John 15:10

“For their works do follow them” ~3 Nephi 27:12

“And it is requisite with the justice of God that men should be judged according to their works; and if their works were good in this life, and the desires of their hearts were good, that they should also, at the last day, be restored unto that which is good. And if their works are evil they shall be restored unto them for evil. Therefore, all things shall be restored to their proper order, every thing to its natural frame” ~Alma 41:3-4

“…and it shall be unto every man according to his work.” ~Alma 32:20

“Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.” ~Matthew 21:31

“If you love me, keep my commandments.” ~John 14:15

Proximity
Some people today are offended by the fact that they won’t be forgiven IN their sins (Alma and Amulek in Ammonihah; also check out D&C 19). This means that they demand forgiveness and Mercy of God and his people without any intentions of ceasing their cheating behavior (Cain). They want to be allowed to live with people who don’t cheat even though they purposefully continue to do so themselves. It is not that they aren’t allowed to live. They are. Just at a certain degree of distance from Christ. None of us can enjoy the close living quarters of our Savior and those who are like him unless we sincerely and consistently repent. It’s all about PROXIMITY. We are required to forgive all men and endure their persecutions and negligence in the hopes that sacrifice will eventually soften their hearts to be motivated to get the cheat out. But if they persist in their cheating ways, there will come a time when God will either separate them from us or will instruct us to separate from them. PROXIMITY.

“Wherefore, he is the firstfruits unto God, inasmuch as he shall make intercession for all the children of men; and they that believe in him shall be saved.” ~2 Nephi 2:9

Examples of Separation: Decreases in Proximity
Moses and the Children of Israel separated from Egypt and Pharaoh. 

Lehi and his Family separated from the people in Jerusalem

Nephi and all who obeyed the commandments of God in his family separated from his brothers Laman and Lemuel

Alma, the elder and his people separated from the Lamanites and priests of King Noah

The people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi separated from their Lamanite brothers and the descendants of the priests of Noah who were slaughtering them

Our Potential
We have the potential to be in our Savior’s continuous spiritual presence. For each of us, the degree and frequency of his spiritual presence (Proximity) is based on the individual degree of Faith we place in Him. Each of us chooses just how close of a relationship we want to have with him. Those of us who want to be closer, need to sacrifice more. We sacrifice relationships with Causes that conflict with Him (And this gets pretty tough the closer we get to him. It's scary.). It is when we put our trust in Conflicting Causes that we are led to cheat. It is helpful for me to not pretend that I have none of this tendency inside of me. We all have some level of it. It is the natural man. It is born out of Fear, which conflicts with our Faith. When the going gets tough, we tend to fear and then grasp onto what those Conflicting Causes have to offer (Pseudo Effects) instead of remaining steadfast in our relationship with Christ. This is when we “play the harlot” or “cheat.”  

Accountability
We all are presently at a certain degree of Proximity to our Savior in our relationship with him. The more we know him and understand him, his Gospel, the way he expects us to live AND are receiving the attendant privileges that come with this level of commitment, the more accountable we are to him (To whom much is given…). Cheating for someone who knows him better may not be cheating for someone who doesn’t know him as well.

“For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent; and unto such baptism availeth nothing—" ~Moroni 8:22

Those who are closer to him not only need to control their words and actions, but also their thoughts and the Desires of their hearts. That is the spiritual realm. That is where the closer relationship with our Savior takes place.

“The kingdom of heaven is at hand.” ~Matthew 10:7

“Yea, I tell thee, that thou mayest know that there is none else save God that knowest thy thoughts and the intents of thy heart.” ~D&C 6:16

“Behold, the kingdom is yours. And behold, and lo, I am with the faithful always. Even so. Amen.” ~D&C 62:9

“…for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” ~1 Samuel 16:7

“For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?” ~Mosiah 5:13

“Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men…” ~Isaiah 29:13

"Darling If You Want Me To Be Closer To You, Get Closer To Me"
If we want him to remain with us or for him to come closer, we need to make and keep our internal spiritual environment clean and holy. Our thoughts and Desires need to be aligned with his. And I’m not saying we have to be filled with some impossible prude-like angelic purity all the time. He doesn't want that. He knows we have to deal with people who cheat on us. There are people who conflict with us and Him in their ways, their abuses, and their negligences. He had to deal with many cheaters during his lifetime. 

“And he said unto them, Ye are from beneath; I am from above: ye are of this world; I am not of this world. I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.” ~John 8:23-24

He still has to deal with people like that. There is a space that he gives us in our relationship with him where we can hash out all of our frustrations and bad thoughts and feelings that are the result of interacting with cheaters. He is our Savior. How could our relationship with him be sustainable if he only wanted to hear about all our angelic thoughts and then left us alone during our struggles with our hellish thoughts?

“He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.”
~"I Know My Redeemer Lives" text by Samuel Medley

Listen:  “Better than a Hallelujah” by Amy Grant

Come Unto Me, All Ye That Labour and Are Heavy Laden
There is a difference between temporarily struggling with hurt, frustrated, sorrowful, fearful, and doubtful thoughts/feelings and our subsequent unavoidable repulsions towards others AND nourishing vengeful, angry, bitter, jealous, self-pity thoughts over extended periods of time. He knows that our relationships with other people who cheat on us are going to cause all manner of ground shaking imbalances inside of us. He wants us to come to him when we are experiencing adversity. He’s got our backs. When we come to him, he heals us so that we won’t respond to others in kind. 

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:28-30

There Is a Season
Sometimes it takes time to get through our more difficult trials, but he understands all of that. Part of our Faith is learning how to be patient with ourselves during these times of healing and Conflict Resolution, instead of condemning ourselves. There are times when we won’t be able to return to loving thoughts and desires right away. Giving ourselves and our Savior enough space and time to rebalance us is crucial to sustaining our relationship with him and crucial to maintaining protection from the overwhelming temptations Conflicting Causes are always offering us.

There literally is a time and a season for all things. Time matters. He gives us time.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

~Ecclesiastese 3:1-8

Listen:  “Turn, Turn, Turn” by the Byrds

Taking the Lord’s Name in Vain
When we take the Lord’s name in vain, we are cheating on him. We receive the privileges from the relationship but purposefully or negligently fail to fulfill our responsibilities. One of the primary responsibilities of our covenant relationship with him is to STAY with him in good times and in bad times. But when we do fear, doubt, wander, cheat, and basically try out the comforts and Conflict Resolution Processes of Conflicting Causes and find that they are not working for us, He is always waiting for us to come back. He doesn’t hold grudges. He uses empathy and patience when he contemplates our deviations. He wants to reestablish our covenant relationship. He wants to fulfill his promises to us if we will recommit to fulfilling ours. 

Experience
Our Redeemer wants us to have experiences away from him with Conflicting Causes so we will know without a doubt why there is no better relationship to make our priority relationship. He wants us to experience the sorrow of following other pathways, so we can know just how good we had it with Him. He gives us a space. He wants us to cheat but he doesn’t want us to. He would rather that we just give him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t want us to leave him for someone else and subsequently experience all kinds of sorrow, which I am sure has and will continue to cause him all kinds of sorrow (#Gethsemane, #TheCross). Yet, at the same time, if we are going to remain wishy-washy, lukewarm, constantly doubtful, plagued by harlot-like itches, and lacking the ability to remain allegiant to him, he would rather us go out and see if we can find a better Husband, Cause, Leader, King, Provider, Teacher, Exemplar, Evaluator.

The Wrath of God—Adversity
But we all know that the wrath of God does indeed exist. It’s real.  I personally think the wrath of God is the adversity we experience when we are living life too far from Him. It has taken my experience with intense adversity to motivate me to firmly establish unshakeable boundaries between me and Conflicting Causes. That intense adversity always accompanies putting my trust in them. My experience with adversity also increases the strength of the bonds of love in my relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ. 

Because I experience adversity and depression when I am living my life too far from him, I can understand more of who I am. I can understand just how close I need to be to him in order to live in Sustainable Joy now and eternally.  I don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty because I’m majorly depressed or stressed out when I’m too far from him. I don’t see this as a punishment. I mean, I could look at it that way but I don’t. I see it as an invitation to come home—to come closer.  I see that I’m missing him. I’m missing that pure love that I once lived with. My spirit needs PROXIMITY.  I see the existence of the feelings of depression and anxiety as beacons that are calling me home to him. They testify of my need for Him. And the beacon is basically saying to me, 

Climb every mountain
Search high and low
Follow every byway
Every path you know

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

~“Climb Every Mountain” from the movie Sound of Music

I’m seriously amazed by his forgiveness, his loyalty, his mercy, his empathy. Yet I’m also impressed by his unyielding nature when I cheat. He won’t cross certain lines no matter how much I plead with him. He expects me to change where I need to change. He makes me run where I need to run. He expects me to keep my commitments if I want the continuous privilege of his presence. Coming to know him better through scriptures study, prayer, and applying what I learn has increased His Proximity to me. It is that pure love—His Charity—that has pulled me out of the pit I used to live in—a place that was too distant (for me) from where he is. 

How is it possible that such a dynamically beautiful, just, loving, steadfast, merciful, dangerous person exists? Can it really be true? What I’m trying to say in this post and perhaps in everything I write is that the answer to all our problems is Emmanuel, God with us! Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

Listen: “Love is the Answer” by England Dan & John Ford Coley