The Word

There are so many words in the English language and in every other language on the earth. Behind all languages is a united semantic meaning. We just use words to describe the meaning that independently exists. These are the words I have used to describe the Semantic Meaning I was being shown.

Adversity = Abuse/Neglect X Random vs. Intentional

Random = Unconscious or Ignorant (lack of knowledge) or Natural Disasters, Accidents

Intentional = Having knowledge, purposeful, selfish

Sorrow = Fear/Depression

Abuse and Neglect cause Fear and Depression

When we Abuse ourselves or others we experience Fear.

When we Neglect ourselves or others we experience Depression.

Abuse = Processing beyond the NW Threshold

Neglect = Processing below the NE Threshold

Love = Processing within the Northern Threshold or Zone

Love = Mercy

Mercy = Justice/Time

Love = Faith/Sacrifice

Love causes Peace and Energy.

Joy = Peace/Energy

Sustainable Love = Sustainable Joy

Northern Desire = Hope

NW Desire = Demand

NE Desire = Apathy

Northern Process = Love = Faith/Sacrifice

Faith = Receiving Peace from Others' Sacrifices

Faith = Experience the Flow of Energy inward

Sacrifice = Giving Peace through Sacrifice for Others

Sacrifice = Experience the Flow of Energy outward

NW Process = Abuse = Too little Faith/Too much Sacrifice

Abuse = Force Others to Sacrifice to give you Peace

Abuse = Experience too Intensely the Flow of Energy outward and not enough inward = Stress, Anxiety, Fear

NE Process = Neglect = Too much Faith/Too little Sacrifice

Neglect = Don't Sacrifice enough to give others Peace

Neglect = Experience Energy pooled up and stagnant = Boredom, Lethargy, Depression

Southern Evaluation = Remembrance 

Remembrance X Success = Confidence/Gratitude

Remembrance X Failure = Empathy/Humility

SE/SW Evaluation X Success = Pride/Envy

SE/SW Evaluation X Failure = Toxic Shame/Toxic Blame

SE Success/Failure Evaluation = Pride/Toxic Shame -> NW Desire + Process = Demand/Abuse

SW Success/Failure Evaluation = Envy/Toxic Blame -> NE Desire + Process = Apathy/Neglect

Pride Effects = False sense of Importance and Success, You think you're better than others, you are happy that others are failing because it means that you're winning (you are ahead of them).

Envy Effects = False sense that your conditions are unfair because others have Success. Feel sorry for yourself when others succeed, have Resources you don't.

Resources = talents, gifts, abilities, natural resources, skills, knowledge, strengths

Toxic Shame Process = False perception of your Weaknesses and Failures. A Fixed Mindset that you are responsible for all Failures. Fixed Mindset that there is nothing you can do about mistakes, Failures. You see yourself as a Failure instead of the Process. You can't separate the two. You can't see that there are other Causes invovled.

Toxic Shame Effects = Insecurity, Inhibition, Low Self-esteem, feel worthless

Toxic Blame Process = False perception of other people's Weaknesses and Failures. A Fixed Mindset that they are responsible for all your Failures. The false perception that you have to rely completely on others for your success and they are failing you.  You see them as the Failure instead of the Process or Circumstances. You can't separate the two. You can't see that there is something you can do to change your Results.

Toxic Blame Effects = Anger, Irritation, Annoyance

Results X Success = Resource, abilities, talents, skills, knowledge

Cause = A person who has Success Results

Results X Failure = Weaknesses, disabilities, ignorance, DESIRE

Child = A person who presently has Failure Results

Remembrance X Success or Confidence Process = Objective understanding of the Resources you have to Sacrifice for others. Understanding of your responsibilities. To whom much is given, much is required.

Others = Children/Causes 

Children/Causes in Northern Threshold = Servants/Partners

NW/NE - SE/SW Children/Causes = Slaves/Competitors

Remembrance X Success or Gratitude Process = Objective understanding of the Resources others are Sacrificing for you. Thankfulness when they fulfill their responsibility to you. The realization that they experience Joy when they are able to Sacrifice for you.

Remembrance X Failure or Humility Process = Objective understanding of your lack of Resources to provide for your needs and to Sacrifice for others. Acknowledgment of your dependence on other Causes who have Resources. Growth Mindset - there is a time and space for you to get it right, to learn, to achieve, to develop the Resources you desire.

Remembrance X Failure or Empathy Process = Objective understanding that others lack the Resources that you have. Growth Mindset that they are in a temporary state, which can be changed. Willingness to be a part of that change. Remembering that you also have Failures and Weaknesses that you are still working on. Remembering that in the past you had similar Failures and through time and experience as well as the assistance of others, the Failures have been turned into Successes.

Failure - A term and concept used in Pride/Envy + Toxic Shame/Blame Evaluation with Fixed Mindset to suggest Eternal Worthlessness.

Failure - A term and concept used in Confidence/Humility + Empathy/Gratitude Evaluation with a Growth Mindset to suggest a Temporary Setback which can be changed into Desire and Opportunity through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Shields Up! Part 2

Neglect: The Opposite of Abuse
I have used the word Abuse as a synonym for reviling. And Abuse is the main word I’ve chosen to use in my writing to describe the NW Imbalance. So, technically Abuse is combining with someone else in a way that hurts them. It is adding a stimulus. It is a sin of Commission.

This post is the second part of a three-part post. If you haven't already, read this post first: Shields Up! Part 1

The opposite of Abuse is Neglect. Technically, Neglect is separating from someone else in a way that hurts them. It is subtracting a stimulus. It is a sin of Omission.

I learned that people could use Neglect to hurt me. The reason behind that is that we all need love. Love is spiritual nourishment. We need it as much as we need food and water for physical nourishment. We cannot spiritually live without it. So without love, we experience Sorrow. And that hurts.

Those who are responsible for our care have the responsibility to physically and spiritually love us. In this way, they care for our body and spirit. So if they Neglect doing this for us, they leave us in a vulnerable place. We are excessively exposed to injury and reviling. Our shields are not fully functional. We have more sensitivities. We’re easily hurt by others who Abuse and Neglect us. 

Negligence also includes neglecting to teach us relationship skills and to train us how to stand steadfast in Christ, which powers our shields. The combination of both ignorance (as a result of Negligent training) and Abuse results in a high level of vulnerability - shields down.

Degrees of Intensity

The Lord would often show me diagrams in my mind to teach me. He showed me something like the diagram to the right and taught me there are degrees of intensity for both Abuse and Neglect. Not only can others Abuse me by degrees, but they could also Neglect me by degrees. 

And of course, I could do this to others. But He had to help me understand what was done to me first so he could heal me - re-parent me. The result was that I turned around and was able to love my kids from my heart. My sacrifice became intentional and voluntary. I was able to bear their burdens without reacting to their Imbalanced Processes.

What is Love Anyway?

Have you ever studied the semantic concept of Love? That word was pretty confusing to me because of all the definitions out there. But this is what the Lord showed me: The balance between Abuse and Neglect is Love. Love includes standing steadfast in Christ in the face of other people's Abuse and Neglect. It is giving Mercy to those who hurt me instead of doing what comes naturally.

He taught me that love was also about training and giving appropriate consequences. He said that sometimes I should disapprove and correct my children's behavior. In Mercy sometimes I should separate them from the family and put them in timeout.

I asked him how I would know when I crossed the line to Abuse or Neglect. That took Him time to explain to me. We’ll get to that somewhere in the next few posts. For now, just know that it's not wrong to Combine or Separate in order to resolve conflicts. It just doesn't resolve them when we combine or separate contrary to the Holy Ghost's guidance. Combining too much is Abuse. Separating too much is Neglect.

With this information, we can see that most of us were Abused or Neglected to some degree growing up and we still may be experiencing some of that in our present family relationships. It is the degree of weakness in these critical relationships which causes weakness in our shields. With weak shields, we are more vulnerable to even less intense forms of Adversity. And because our ability to bear Adversity is not too high, we are more likely to Turn and Revile Again when our children misbehave, hurt us, or disobey. And that's just how it is.

Continued in: Shields Up! Part 3

Shields Up! Part 1

I was once overly sensitive to the way people treated me. It was like my shields were down. What they said to me, the names they called me, and other forms of NW/NE Processes hurt me intensely. 

But after I was retrained by the Savior, my shields became fully functional and my spiritual boundaries strengthened against those I did not choose to influence me. And I also became more sensitive to those whom I did choose to influence me.

Once I realized I had the capacity to gain control of this choice, I was able to maintain control of my response process.

When I was younger, I was vulnerable to the way people treated me. That continued into my younger-mother years. I unconsciously saw my kids' misbehavior as the way they were treating me. So this is where the Lord had to start retraining me. 

In the first step of his training, he had me look a little closer at semantic concepts such as Adversity, Sorrow, Abuse, Neglect, Love, Justice, Mercy, and Joy. He instructed me to create a list of synonyms for each of the words we studied and then identify their relationships with each other. 

For example, Abuse is the opposite of Neglect. In between these two concepts is Love. This is the Northern Balance. Then he showed me how semantic meanings vary by degrees. People have come up with different words to describe these variations. But they are all related.

For more on how He showed me to organize these concepts, see: The Semantic Word

All of these treasures of knowledge have been a necessary part of my training to kick the habit of what I like to refer to as Turning and Reviling Again - NW/NE Processes in response to NW/NE Processes. After studying these general concepts, we studied examples of them in history where they were played out. When I understood them, I used them to resolve my relationship conflicts. 

Whether the person who hurt me was a coworker, another driver on the road, a parent, a family member, or especially a child, I used the same core principles that the Lord taught me to resolve the conflict. When I understood them, my shields were strengthened.  In this and the next two blog posts, I am going to talk about some of the first semantic concepts that we went over.

To Revile
To Revile is to criticize, condemn, attack, rail against, slander, vilify, or Abuse. It’s also to knock, slam, badmouth, persecute, or crucify. It can be done physically or verbally. The definition we used in a previous post was: to criticize in an abusive or angrily insulting manner. So this is one of our major sources of Adversity. Abuse - other people reviling us. 

When we say that we Turn and Revile Again, we’re insinuating that we are responding to some kind of Abuse that we received first. The scriptures call this "the first offense." It is just another name or synonym for the word Revile. Note the references in the following verse to the first and second offenses.

“And they were doing that which they felt was the duty which they owed to their God; for the Lord had said unto them, and also unto their fathers, that: Inasmuch as ye are not guilty of the first offense, neither the second, ye shall not suffer yourselves to be slain by the hands of your enemies.” ~Alma 43:46

Being guilty of the first offense basically means that you started the fight.

"The second offense" is a synonym for Turning and Reviling Again. When I understood the meaning behind the first and second offenses, I understood this scripture better.  If the Nephites weren't guilty of starting the fight or reacting with hatred, then they were defending themselves and their families objectively. 

So, I learned a key semantic concept: In some cases, God directs us to defend and protect ourselves objectively. If we seek to resolve conflicts without yielding to emotional knee-jerk-reactions and a desire for vengeance, we can clearly and accurately hear his guidance.

I learned that if I did the same in my relationships with others, I would be able to resolve my relationship conflicts with love and empathy even if it meant I had to make choices my kids, my spouse, or my community did not like.

Not being subject to everyone else's responses to my choices was key for maintaining my balance. It was okay if they did not approve of my choices. The important thing was that God approved of them.

When I understood the semantic meaning of the word Revile and that there were many synonyms for it, I was able to find lots of examples of people dealing with Abuse (Extreme NW Processes) in history, and study how they responded to it. I saw how the Lord counseled them, which I also applied to my own relationships.

Degrees of Reviling
I learned that people could revile me a little or a lot. This is speaking of the degree or intensity of the Adversity. 

Before I originally wrote this post in August 2018, I wrote another post called Turning & Reviling Again. In that post, I described how much it hurt me when my brother told me I was fat. But it was a lesser degree of Adversity when it was just him than when he got all of his friends to tell me I was fat.  

When the Lord was retraining me, he taught me that if more people abused me, the intensity of my pain increased. It would hurt me more.

When my kids misbehaved, it seemed to echo the way I was treated when I was young. I had an intense reaction to it. It was like they were abusing me too. And I had to understand that even when kids treat parents badly, it is a form of abuse. But for them, they are just learning how to resolve their conflicts and obtain their desires in Northern ways. They need time and a steady parent who sets the example for them. But since I didn't have that example or understand the role I needed to play, I just experienced it as abuse.

Also, I examined how people could lightly criticize me or they could go on and on about how wrong I was and how right they were. This meant that higher levels of duration and frequency also increased the intensity of Adversity.

 

Additionally, when those I had relationships with got really specific and detailed in their criticism, the Adversity Intensity would increase. 

Finally, there is one other way that Adversity can be increased: If someone with whom we have developed a deep relationship hurts us, it is especially painful. This is what happened in Jesus' relationship with Judas Iscariot. When someone very close to you betrays you, it is especially painful. 

Learning about the cause of the pain I experienced in my relationships helped me immensely. He was teaching me that my pain was real and that it wasn't the problem. In this way, he validated my feelings and empathized with me. I learned that it was important to understand why I may get intensely upset about something when others thought all I needed to do was to take a chill-pill.

What hurts one person may not phase another. That’s because we value things differently. We're all unique. We all have different weaknesses and sensitivities. Knowing someone else's gives us the knowledge of how to love them better or hate them worse.

In the past, I was not able to take criticism and teasing lightly because my shields were not up. I was allowing everyone to define my value because I didn't have a strong enough relationship with a Cause.

If you have been reading my posts for a while, you know how I define the word Cause. I will define it here for those who haven't. A Cause is a trainer/mentor/provider/evaluator/exemplar. It is someone you trust. You can talk to him (or her) when you are upset and he doesn't make it worse. He makes it better because he knows how to resolve conflicts and obtain desires within the Northern Threshold. He has your back. He knows when to empathize and when to draw the line. The Savior has played this role for me. 

I didn't have a close enough relationship with someone like that until 2006. Once I developed that relationship with Him, my shields became fully functional.

How intensely other people revile us added to how sensitive we are, creates the level of Adversity that we experience.  The level of Adversity I experienced often exceeded my ability to stop myself from Turning and Reviling Again.

If you have been raised with NW/NE parenting and are struggling with parenting yourself and struggling with your emotional balance, I hope that what I have learned will help you strengthen your shields.

Continued in: Shields Up! Part 2