Shields Up! Part 3

Learning to strengthen my shields was like reconstructing my spiritual genetic code. And my spiritual genetic code is my mindset. Before the Savior retrained me, I was trapped in a mindset that said I shouldn't feel hurt by what others did to me. I thought that the fact that I was hurt meant that I was a failure.

This post is the third part of a three-part post. If you haven't already, read these posts first:

Shields Up! Part 1

Shields Up! Part 2

Finding the Balance in Evaluation

In evaluating my past to understand why I used to Turn and Revile Again, I was getting all knotted up in Toxic Shame. I knew I shouldn't have responded in that way, but I didn't know how else to handle the extremely painful feelings. I didn't understand that it was okay to feel hurt. It was okay to objectively realize that part of the cause of my pain was someone else's behavior. That was not wrong.

I learned that I had to acknowledge the reality of the pain first. People do have the power to hurt each other. And I needed someone else to acknowledge and empathize with my pain. This had to be someone whose judgment I trusted. For me, that was the Lord. 

When he told me that he knew how badly someone else's words or behavior had hurt me and that I was justified in feeling the way I did, I felt so validated. His empathy healed me. But he didn't stop there. He went on to strengthen my shields.

He showed me that there was "a space between stimulus and response." I had a choice to make. Would I Turn and Revile Again or would I stop myself, receive the pain, go to the Savior and cry, but not give it back? If I did return reviling for reviling, that would usually result in more reviling from the other person. And of course, the abuse would have to escalate by degrees the more we hurt each other. How could this response process resolve my conflicts? The answer was that it couldn't. It just made them worse. Learning this bit of knowledge really increased my intelligence, which increased my motivation to stop Turning and Reviling Again. I didn't want to engage in such a futile Conflict Resolution Process.

Additional enlightenment came when I focused on God's way of lovingly correcting me. Every time I Abused or Neglected someone else, I lost the Spirit to a certain degree. I felt awful. It was extremely intense. And I didn't like that at all. 

Before this training period started, I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't know God's language well enough. I thought He was communicating to me that I was wrong and the other person was right. I thought it meant that I deserved to be abused but the other person didn't deserve the abuse I was returning. 

This was a conflict with my perception of God's Justice. That was another major weakness in my shields that had to be reconstructed. I had to learn about his Justice. And so the Lord taught me about it. I learned that I lose the Spirit when I Abuse/Neglect (Extreme NW/NE Process) someone else, regardless of what they do to me. Other people lose the Spirit when Abuse/Neglect me, regardless of what I do to them. Since I couldn't see that latter part happening, I thought I was the only one being corrected. 

Because of this weakness in my shields, I thought somewhere in my unconsciousness that God must not be just, which kept me at a distance from him. When I got it all straightened out, I was saved, rescued, healed, and overjoyed!  

The motivation for me to stop myself from Turning and Reviling Again changed: Was it worth it to me to suffer the pain others inflicted upon me without responding to them in kind in order to keep my shields up and keep His Spirit with me?

YES, it was worth it to me to receive the hurt without Turning and Reviling Again. It was worth it to me because of what I found out! Maintaining my shields and keeping his Spirit with me strengthened me against Abuse and Neglect. NW/NE Extreme behaviors didn't hurt so badly. It took time to develop the strength in my shields. I had to continually nourish my relationship with Him, but in time I became INVINCIBLE! No, just kidding. But my boundaries against the mean things other people said and did have increased incrementally over time. And that has changed who I am. I have become someone different. I started liking myself a lot more. I started liking other people a lot more. I found myself enjoying the challenge of holding isometric in the face of all kinds of Imbalanced Behaviors. My kids' behavior presented a great training ground for me. 

I still can be hurt, especially when I start slacking in my relationship with the Lord, but I've learned how to hold my sharp tongue (for the most part) and to keep my emotions and pain between him and me until I can constructively work out the conflicts that arise with others.

When I read the following scriptures after learning about how his Justice works, I finally understood what he wanted me to do when things didn't go my way. And I understood the rewards he has already put in place for those that maintained the Northern Balance and for those who continuously chose to maintain the NW/NE Extreme Imbalance.

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.” ~Matthew 5:44-45

“We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s [or any other man's] transgression.” Article of Faith 2

Listen: "He Showed Me How" by David Archuleta

Knowledge and wisdom passed down by a loving and compassionate teacher are the keys to "bring out the prisoners from the prison."

The first part of the following scripture describes me "before" my training. The second part describes the knowledge he gave me and how valuable it has been to me. Each concept he has taught me has been very much like a precious gemstone.

“O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted; behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.” ~Isaiah 54:11