Shields Up! Part 2

Neglect: The Opposite of Abuse
I have used the word Abuse as a synonym for reviling. And Abuse is the main word I’ve chosen to use in my writing to describe the NW Imbalance. So, technically Abuse is combining with someone else in a way that hurts them. It is adding a stimulus. It is a sin of Commission.

This post is the second part of a three-part post. If you haven't already, read this post first: Shields Up! Part 1

The opposite of Abuse is Neglect. Technically, Neglect is separating from someone else in a way that hurts them. It is subtracting a stimulus. It is a sin of Omission.

I learned that people could use Neglect to hurt me. The reason behind that is that we all need love. Love is spiritual nourishment. We need it as much as we need food and water for physical nourishment. We cannot spiritually live without it. So without love, we experience Sorrow. And that hurts.

Those who are responsible for our care have the responsibility to physically and spiritually love us. In this way, they care for our body and spirit. So if they Neglect doing this for us, they leave us in a vulnerable place. We are excessively exposed to injury and reviling. Our shields are not fully functional. We have more sensitivities. We’re easily hurt by others who Abuse and Neglect us. 

Negligence also includes neglecting to teach us relationship skills and to train us how to stand steadfast in Christ, which powers our shields. The combination of both ignorance (as a result of Negligent training) and Abuse results in a high level of vulnerability - shields down.

Degrees of Intensity

The Lord would often show me diagrams in my mind to teach me. He showed me something like the diagram to the right and taught me there are degrees of intensity for both Abuse and Neglect. Not only can others Abuse me by degrees, but they could also Neglect me by degrees. 

And of course, I could do this to others. But He had to help me understand what was done to me first so he could heal me - re-parent me. The result was that I turned around and was able to love my kids from my heart. My sacrifice became intentional and voluntary. I was able to bear their burdens without reacting to their Imbalanced Processes.

What is Love Anyway?

Have you ever studied the semantic concept of Love? That word was pretty confusing to me because of all the definitions out there. But this is what the Lord showed me: The balance between Abuse and Neglect is Love. Love includes standing steadfast in Christ in the face of other people's Abuse and Neglect. It is giving Mercy to those who hurt me instead of doing what comes naturally.

He taught me that love was also about training and giving appropriate consequences. He said that sometimes I should disapprove and correct my children's behavior. In Mercy sometimes I should separate them from the family and put them in timeout.

I asked him how I would know when I crossed the line to Abuse or Neglect. That took Him time to explain to me. We’ll get to that somewhere in the next few posts. For now, just know that it's not wrong to Combine or Separate in order to resolve conflicts. It just doesn't resolve them when we combine or separate contrary to the Holy Ghost's guidance. Combining too much is Abuse. Separating too much is Neglect.

With this information, we can see that most of us were Abused or Neglected to some degree growing up and we still may be experiencing some of that in our present family relationships. It is the degree of weakness in these critical relationships which causes weakness in our shields. With weak shields, we are more vulnerable to even less intense forms of Adversity. And because our ability to bear Adversity is not too high, we are more likely to Turn and Revile Again when our children misbehave, hurt us, or disobey. And that's just how it is.

Continued in: Shields Up! Part 3