When I was younger, I didn’t really warm up to the idea of worshipping someone. It made me feel uneasy when I thought of it. I think it’s because if we worship someone who turns around and abuses and neglects us in Pride, our inclination to worship turns into Envy or Fear. I don’t like to Envy people. I stay away from people I fear. And I don’t like to be treated with Pride either. And that happened all too often for me. When I admire someone’s strengths, gifts, or talents, I don’t want it to be about jealousy, fear, or shame that I don’t have what they have or that they are going to take advantage of me. I want it to be about appreciation, love, respect, and gratitude. And it usually includes learning from this person how to develop the same strengths, gifts, or talents.
Being able to evaluate accurately the strengths, gifts, and talents that others have is a strength in and of itself. How could we value them if we did not have the gift of spiritual sight and appreciation? And of what value are strengths, gifts and talents if they are not honestly accepted and appreciated by at least one other person?
I didn’t realize until a number of years ago that worshipping someone was an integral part of my happiness. I had come to a point in my life where I didn’t really admire anyone. I mean I admired certain qualities and characteristics of others here and there but there wasn’t any one person whom I just stood back and went, “Whoa, that is ultimate beauty!” No one really made my heart sing. I didn’t realize at that time that I wanted and needed it to sing more than anything else in the world. My focus was mainly on developing my own strengths, gifts, and talents and wanting to be appreciated for them. But regardless of many years spent on these goals, I was not reaching any kind of fulfillment. I have come to understand that not knowing well enough anyone with a sufficient level of the qualities I deeply admired was the cause of my non-fulfillment. But at the time, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just wasn’t happy. Waves of depression would sometimes wash over me for no apparent reason. And this became more frequent as time went by, no matter how much I tried to develop my own strengths, gifts, and talents.
It was around the years 2003-2004 (about 32-34 years old) when these questions and thoughts came frequently into my mind: “Who is Jesus Christ? You say that you worship him. You’ve taken upon you his name through baptism. But who is he? Do you really know what you worship?”
“Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.” ~John 4:22-23
“For unto such hath God promised his Spirit. And they who worship him, must worship in spirit and in truth.” ~JST John 4:26 (see footnote a)
That’s when I started studying him more directly. I made the New Testament apart of my daily scripture study. I had been reading “The Kingdom and the Crown” series by Gerald Lund, which helped me understand the New Testament much better. It gave me the background on the individual groups of people in Jesus’ society such as the Pharisees, Sadducees, Publicans, Scribes, Lawyers, Priests, etc. These all can be summarized into the Jewish Leadership of his day. They were the Causes of the Jewish world masquerading as the Priesthood Leadership chosen by God. So with this foundational understanding, I was able to see much better what Jesus was up against. Seeing his opposition, enabled me to see his strength and all I could do was marvel at it. Whoa, that is ultimate beauty!
He was like a professional baseball player hitting home-runs off of every curve ball he was pitched. Some people like to watch a lot of professional sports. And I will admit that it is quite enjoyable to watch the performance of individuals who have developed a high level of proficiency in a given talent. But to watch the performance of a Man-God who has developed a high level of proficiency in the talent of humanity—relationships, the soul, the life, how to handle the Tempter’s Pride and Envy without deviating from Confidence and Humility, and all that means the most to every living being on this earth—is the climax of my entire existence.
It was like reading a story about a character that inspired me to the point of changing my entire life. I saw Him going through trials that were intensely difficult and no one around him knew just how difficult they were. But I did. I knew he was the Son of God, the Savior of the World and many of those he came to save were treating him like dirt. I knew the behind the scenes story. I knew his value and saw how people should be listening to him. He came to heal them, teach them, warn them, show them. But many treated him with disrespect, contempt or just completely ignored him. Many eventually had the gall to kill him. Yet they owed him their lives. And can you believe they had the TOTAL BLESSING of seeing him perform IN PERSON? IN PERSON!!! What lucky bums! And did they worship him? Oh, how I wish my life were in his days! I’m hoping that I was watching him from heaven and some day I will be able to remember it in all of its glorious details.
“Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day: and he saw it, and was glad.” ~John 8:56
“For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.” ~Matthew 13:17
“And now we only wait to hear the joyful news declared unto us by the mouth of angels, of his coming; for the time cometh, we know not how soon. Would to God that it might be in my day; but let it be sooner or later, in it I will rejoice.” ~Alma 13:25
“Dearest children, holy angels
Watch your actions night and day,
And they keep a faithful record
Of the good and bad you say.”
~Dearest Children, God Is Near You
In reading his story in the New Testament, I watched how he responded to all this. I saw how he didn’t force his identity upon them or force them to appreciate what he was doing for them. He just continued to do everything he was sent to do in love and compassion. Yet there were times when he censured certain people. He corrected them. But knowing him, I knew he was doing that out of love for them (like a good father would), not out of self-protection or Pride/Envy resentment. He knew the direction they were headed. He knew the hell they were going to live in for eternity if they kept going on that pathway. It was his eternal motivation to save them from living in that hell eternally while still allowing them to retain their agency.
With the gift of the Holy Ghost I was able to liken his opposition to my own. I saw that people were still acting like the Jewish Leadership of his day. I was being thrown curve balls similar to the ones that he was thrown. It’s important to recognize this to be able to understand why I feel the way I do when others treat me with Pride/Envy—Abuse/Neglect (even when it is subtly and fiery-snake-ally done) and to know what I should do in response. So when I saw how Jesus felt about them and then how he responded to them, I was able to liken that to how I felt and how I could respond to them. This was the beginning of the escape from my prison. He showed me how to get out. He unlocked the door for me. His truth made me free.
“And the Lord said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.” ~Numbers 21:8-9
“We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms.” ~Bonnie L. Oscarson
“I the Lord have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.” ~Isaiah 42:6-7
Listen: “He Showed Me How” by David Archuleta
In 2006 (35-36 years old) when I started studying the structure of story, I remember seeing two distinct stories or structures emerging in my mind: The Pride Story and then His story (I think I called this the Truth Story). Subsequently I’ve named it all kinds of other things like Desire Obtainment, Conflict Resolution, Paradoxical Living, Summarization and Expansion, Faith/Sacrifice/Confidence/Humility, Balance, the Heart Compass, the Zone, the Threshold, the Safe Place, Mercy—the balance between Justice and Time, the Covenant or Commitment, Steadfastness and Change, and the Servant—CPER X Days 1-7. These are all the concepts I write about. And it is all in efforts to describe the dynamic balanced nature of our Savior Jesus Christ that has been slowly but surely taking form in my mind. At one point I recognized I was actually studying the Atonement of Jesus Christ and he was showing it to me in a way I had never seen it before. The scriptures were the predominant text but then with all my endless questions, He took it and showed me himself from a perspective that was so amazingly beautiful that I couldn’t even believe someone this wonderful existed!
“Can't close my eyes
I'm wide awake
Every hair on my body
Has got a thing for this place
Oh, empty my heart
I've got to make room for this feeling
So much bigger than me”
~“Can’t Take It In” by Imogen Heap”
“This constant contrast [the dynamic balance of her Son] before her eyes only deepened in the heart of Mary the ever-present impression of ‘all those matters’ [sayings], of which she was the most cognisant. She was learning to spell out the word Messiah, as each of ‘those matters’ taught her one fresh letter in it, and she looked at them all in the light of the Nazareth-Sun.” ~"The Life and Times of Jesus The Messiah” by Alfred Edersheim, pg 173
Wow, what a blessing for Mary to be able to see with her physical eyes our Savior’s choices, actions, mannerisms, reflexive behavior, and facial expressions! But it’s interesting to hear Edersheim describe what he believed the development of Mary’s relationship with her Son looked like. I believe we all have the potential to come to know Him, his inclinations, desires, impulses, and ways of thinking through the Spirit regardless of what age we live in. And when we do, I think it happens line upon line similar to Mary’s experience. I know that has been true for me.
I remember on many days after I finished studying about him and had to go back to doing the dishes. I looked at the framed picture I had of him that was sitting on the windowsill above the sink and often said in my mind, “I know who you are.” And when I said this, I felt the worship. Feeling worship is something that can’t be faked. I can’t do fake. I have been censured for attempting fake worship. It makes me feel so gross. This worship was not fake. All my heart wrapped around him and I just shook my head in acknowledgment of his utter and complete beauty. Then something happened in return, which surprised me. I saw or rather felt him looking back at me. Now some people, when they are aware of your admiration, stick out their chin and walk away from you in Pride. They treat you like, “Ya that’s right. Worship me. But I won’t give you the time of day to notice who you are.” Other people will respond in Envy—just deny it when you compliment them or try to defer it. He wasn’t doing that.
There were two things he was doing. The first was he acknowledged my acknowledgment. He was telling me that what I was seeing was indeed the truth about him. And he wasn’t denying it. He wasn’t embarrassed because of my worship. He was accepting it and just standing there right in front of me receiving it full on. My admiration was pretty intense but he received it like it just fit into his puzzle perfectly. And wow, that just doubled my worship!
The second was that he was admiring me back. He was appreciating my admiration. He was grateful that I was taking the time to know him for who he really was. And it did take time. Time and sacrifice of other things I could be doing and could be partaking of. He was thankful for my love. I could sense that it gave him Peace and Energy. To explain this in words doesn’t compare to the feelings that filled me during these sacred moments or to the Joy that was steadily increasing in intensity and sustainability in my heart over time. And this is what made the depression go away. This relationship and the development of it. It also is what filled me with the Desire to become more like him. It totally filled me with Charity. I had the capacity to love, to forgive, to sacrifice more than I had ever done before in my life. The anger that I had felt so predominantly in my heart as a reaction to my personal opposition went away too. It was total freedom!
“Whatever you do
I'll do it too
Show me everything
And tell me how
It all means something
And yet [EVERYTHING] to me
I can see there is so much to learn
It's all so close
And yet so far
I see myself
As [He] see[s] me
Oh I just know there's something bigger out there[!]”
~"Strangers Like Me" by Phil Collins from Disney’s Tarzan
I'm not saying I was way far away from Him before. I had been reading my scriptures daily since I was 14 years old and praying daily since I was about half that age. I had been attending church since I was born and was baptized and received the Holy Ghost at age 8. I had been striving to apply what I knew of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for many years. I had received my temple endowments and was married in the temple. Yet I realize now that what I had needed throughout all the years of my life previous to this point was to COME CLOSER to worship, admire, and praise our Savior Jesus Christ to the point that my heart was satisfied. I had to put in the work to study him, to examine him more closely in the records we have of him. I had to say, “Whatever you do, I’ll do it too. Show me everything, tell me how.” I had to start attending the temple more frequently and learn from that higher level "university." That’s worship—finding out who he is and why he did what he did and then striving to implement the same way of living into our lives. That was the foundational process I needed to engage in consistently in order to obtain Sustainable Joy. The Result of worshipping Him with all my heart, might, mind and strength, was the beautiful feeling that came and stayed in my heart so that nothing was more important to me than keeping it there.
“When we worship, we open our hearts to the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Our lives become the token and expression of our worship. My brothers and sisters, spiritual experiences have less to do with what is happening around us and everything to do with what is happening within our hearts. It is my witness that true worship will transform ordinary Church meetings into extraordinary spiritual feasts. It will enrich our lives, broaden our understanding, and strengthen our testimonies. For as we incline our hearts to God, like the ancient Psalmist, we “enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: [we are] thankful unto him, and bless his name.” ~Bishop Dean M. Davies
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| Sustainable Energy |
So let’s break worship down to summarize the steps: The study and pondering of the life of Jesus Christ triggered my worship feelings—my admiration. And that admiration triggered our Savior’s reciprocal love for me. I could feel it, sense it. I became aware of it. That was amazing! That triggered my motivation to keep it there by learning how to respond to the opposition, blessings, and responsibilities in my life as he responded to his. It provided motivation to shut down the Pride/Envy Story. The two stories—His Confidence/Humility Story and Satan’s Pride/Envy Story—cannot reside in the same heart simultaneously. I have learned that if I fall short of spending the amount of time and depth I need to worship him, I lose consciousness of his love for me and my love for him. Subsequently the Charity inside me for others wanes—the engine stops running so smoothly and sometimes even stops all together. I must choose to sacrifice my time to studying Jesus Christ consistently to the level that sustains me. I have learned to sacrifice other conflicting choices to do this. Worshipping Jesus Christ fuels the engine of Charity, which is the source of Sustainable Joy. I have found no other way to obtain fulfillment so utterly and completely satisfying.
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
"And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
"And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
"Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
"Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
"Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
"Charity never faileth:"
~1 Corinthians 13:1-8
“I am acquainted with Church members who accept as true the doctrine and principles contained in the scriptures and proclaimed from this pulpit. And yet they have a hard time believing those gospel truths apply specifically in their lives and to their circumstances. They seem to have faith in the Savior, but they do not believe His promised blessings are available to them or can operate in their lives. I also encounter brothers and sisters who fulfill their callings dutifully but for whom the restored gospel has not yet become a living and transforming reality in their lives. We come to know the Lord as we not only believe in Him but also believe Him and His assurances.” ~Elder David A. Bednar
This post is part 2 of the last one. The topic of the last one was our covenant relationship with Jesus Christ and how it is sometimes likened to the covenants made between a husband and wife in marriage. Our Savior never breaks up with us. We are usually the ones who wander off. We do that by breaking our commitments to him in sundry ways. We cheat.
What Really Matters: Striving to Get the Cheat Out
Some people don’t cheat at all. That’s our Savior, Heavenly Father, and the Holy Ghost. Some people cheat a little and others cheat a lot. Some are striving a little to get the cheat out of them and others are striving a lot to get it out. How much we are trying to get the cheat out of us with real intent determines the kind of people we spiritually live with NOW and spiritually and physically will live with in heaven (our Paradise). It determines just how close of a relationship with our Savior we have now and throughout all of eternity. If we continuously break our commitments to him without sincerely repenting, we separate ourselves from him.
“If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.” ~John 15:10
“For their works do follow them” ~3 Nephi 27:12
“And it is requisite with the justice of God that men should be judged according to their works; and if their works were good in this life, and the desires of their hearts were good, that they should also, at the last day, be restored unto that which is good. And if their works are evil they shall be restored unto them for evil. Therefore, all things shall be restored to their proper order, every thing to its natural frame” ~Alma 41:3-4
“…and it shall be unto every man according to his work.” ~Alma 32:20
“Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.” ~Matthew 21:31
“If you love me, keep my commandments.” ~John 14:15
Proximity
Some people today are offended by the fact that they won’t be forgiven IN their sins (Alma and Amulek in Ammonihah; also check out D&C 19). This means that they demand forgiveness and Mercy of God and his people without any intentions of ceasing their cheating behavior (Cain). They want to be allowed to live with people who don’t cheat even though they purposefully continue to do so themselves. It is not that they aren’t allowed to live. They are. Just at a certain degree of distance from Christ. None of us can enjoy the close living quarters of our Savior and those who are like him unless we sincerely and consistently repent. It’s all about PROXIMITY. We are required to forgive all men and endure their persecutions and negligence in the hopes that sacrifice will eventually soften their hearts to be motivated to get the cheat out. But if they persist in their cheating ways, there will come a time when God will either separate them from us or will instruct us to separate from them. PROXIMITY.
“Wherefore, he is the firstfruits unto God, inasmuch as he shall make intercession for all the children of men; and they that believe in him shall be saved.” ~2 Nephi 2:9
Examples of Separation: Decreases in Proximity
Moses and the Children of Israel separated from Egypt and Pharaoh.
Lehi and his Family separated from the people in Jerusalem
Nephi and all who obeyed the commandments of God in his family separated from his brothers Laman and Lemuel
Alma, the elder and his people separated from the Lamanites and priests of King Noah
The people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi separated from their Lamanite brothers and the descendants of the priests of Noah who were slaughtering them
Our Potential
We have the potential to be in our Savior’s continuous spiritual presence. For each of us, the degree and frequency of his spiritual presence (Proximity) is based on the individual degree of Faith we place in Him. Each of us chooses just how close of a relationship we want to have with him. Those of us who want to be closer, need to sacrifice more. We sacrifice relationships with Causes that conflict with Him (And this gets pretty tough the closer we get to him. It's scary.). It is when we put our trust in Conflicting Causes that we are led to cheat. It is helpful for me to not pretend that I have none of this tendency inside of me. We all have some level of it. It is the natural man. It is born out of Fear, which conflicts with our Faith. When the going gets tough, we tend to fear and then grasp onto what those Conflicting Causes have to offer (Pseudo Effects) instead of remaining steadfast in our relationship with Christ. This is when we “play the harlot” or “cheat.”
Accountability
We all are presently at a certain degree of Proximity to our Savior in our relationship with him. The more we know him and understand him, his Gospel, the way he expects us to live AND are receiving the attendant privileges that come with this level of commitment, the more accountable we are to him (To whom much is given…). Cheating for someone who knows him better may not be cheating for someone who doesn’t know him as well.
“For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent; and unto such baptism availeth nothing—" ~Moroni 8:22
Those who are closer to him not only need to control their words and actions, but also their thoughts and the Desires of their hearts. That is the spiritual realm. That is where the closer relationship with our Savior takes place.
“The kingdom of heaven is at hand.” ~Matthew 10:7
“Yea, I tell thee, that thou mayest know that there is none else save God that knowest thy thoughts and the intents of thy heart.” ~D&C 6:16
“Behold, the kingdom is yours. And behold, and lo, I am with the faithful always. Even so. Amen.” ~D&C 62:9
“…for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” ~1 Samuel 16:7
“For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?” ~Mosiah 5:13
“Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men…” ~Isaiah 29:13
"Darling If You Want Me To Be Closer To You, Get Closer To Me"
If we want him to remain with us or for him to come closer, we need to make and keep our internal spiritual environment clean and holy. Our thoughts and Desires need to be aligned with his. And I’m not saying we have to be filled with some impossible prude-like angelic purity all the time. He doesn't want that. He knows we have to deal with people who cheat on us. There are people who conflict with us and Him in their ways, their abuses, and their negligences. He had to deal with many cheaters during his lifetime.
“And he said unto them, Ye are from beneath; I am from above: ye are of this world; I am not of this world. I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.” ~John 8:23-24
He still has to deal with people like that. There is a space that he gives us in our relationship with him where we can hash out all of our frustrations and bad thoughts and feelings that are the result of interacting with cheaters. He is our Savior. How could our relationship with him be sustainable if he only wanted to hear about all our angelic thoughts and then left us alone during our struggles with our hellish thoughts?
“He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.”
~"I Know My Redeemer Lives" text by Samuel Medley
Listen: “Better than a Hallelujah” by Amy Grant
Come Unto Me, All Ye That Labour and Are Heavy Laden
There is a difference between temporarily struggling with hurt, frustrated, sorrowful, fearful, and doubtful thoughts/feelings and our subsequent unavoidable repulsions towards others AND nourishing vengeful, angry, bitter, jealous, self-pity thoughts over extended periods of time. He knows that our relationships with other people who cheat on us are going to cause all manner of ground shaking imbalances inside of us. He wants us to come to him when we are experiencing adversity. He’s got our backs. When we come to him, he heals us so that we won’t respond to others in kind.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:28-30
There Is a Season
Sometimes it takes time to get through our more difficult trials, but he understands all of that. Part of our Faith is learning how to be patient with ourselves during these times of healing and Conflict Resolution, instead of condemning ourselves. There are times when we won’t be able to return to loving thoughts and desires right away. Giving ourselves and our Savior enough space and time to rebalance us is crucial to sustaining our relationship with him and crucial to maintaining protection from the overwhelming temptations Conflicting Causes are always offering us.
There literally is a time and a season for all things. Time matters. He gives us time.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”
Listen: “Turn, Turn, Turn” by the Byrds
Taking the Lord’s Name in Vain
When we take the Lord’s name in vain, we are cheating on him. We receive the privileges from the relationship but purposefully or negligently fail to fulfill our responsibilities. One of the primary responsibilities of our covenant relationship with him is to STAY with him in good times and in bad times. But when we do fear, doubt, wander, cheat, and basically try out the comforts and Conflict Resolution Processes of Conflicting Causes and find that they are not working for us, He is always waiting for us to come back. He doesn’t hold grudges. He uses empathy and patience when he contemplates our deviations. He wants to reestablish our covenant relationship. He wants to fulfill his promises to us if we will recommit to fulfilling ours.
Experience
Our Redeemer wants us to have experiences away from him with Conflicting Causes so we will know without a doubt why there is no better relationship to make our priority relationship. He wants us to experience the sorrow of following other pathways, so we can know just how good we had it with Him. He gives us a space. He wants us to cheat but he doesn’t want us to. He would rather that we just give him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t want us to leave him for someone else and subsequently experience all kinds of sorrow, which I am sure has and will continue to cause him all kinds of sorrow (#Gethsemane, #TheCross). Yet, at the same time, if we are going to remain wishy-washy, lukewarm, constantly doubtful, plagued by harlot-like itches, and lacking the ability to remain allegiant to him, he would rather us go out and see if we can find a better Husband, Cause, Leader, King, Provider, Teacher, Exemplar, Evaluator.
The Wrath of God—Adversity
But we all know that the wrath of God does indeed exist. It’s real. I personally think the wrath of God is the adversity we experience when we are living life too far from Him. It has taken my experience with intense adversity to motivate me to firmly establish unshakeable boundaries between me and Conflicting Causes. That intense adversity always accompanies putting my trust in them. My experience with adversity also increases the strength of the bonds of love in my relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ.
Because I experience adversity and depression when I am living my life too far from him, I can understand more of who I am. I can understand just how close I need to be to him in order to live in Sustainable Joy now and eternally. I don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty because I’m majorly depressed or stressed out when I’m too far from him. I don’t see this as a punishment. I mean, I could look at it that way but I don’t. I see it as an invitation to come home—to come closer. I see that I’m missing him. I’m missing that pure love that I once lived with. My spirit needs PROXIMITY. I see the existence of the feelings of depression and anxiety as beacons that are calling me home to him. They testify of my need for Him. And the beacon is basically saying to me,
Climb every mountain
Search high and low
Follow every byway
Every path you know
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream
A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live
~“Climb Every Mountain” from the movie Sound of Music
I’m seriously amazed by his forgiveness, his loyalty, his mercy, his empathy. Yet I’m also impressed by his unyielding nature when I cheat. He won’t cross certain lines no matter how much I plead with him. He expects me to change where I need to change. He makes me run where I need to run. He expects me to keep my commitments if I want the continuous privilege of his presence. Coming to know him better through scriptures study, prayer, and applying what I learn has increased His Proximity to me. It is that pure love—His Charity—that has pulled me out of the pit I used to live in—a place that was too distant (for me) from where he is.
How is it possible that such a dynamically beautiful, just, loving, steadfast, merciful, dangerous person exists? Can it really be true? What I’m trying to say in this post and perhaps in everything I write is that the answer to all our problems is Emmanuel, God with us! Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
Listen: “Love is the Answer” by England Dan & John Ford Coley
Jesus Christ will never break up with his people. Yet he will allow them to break up with him. That's allowing them their agency. He knows they won’t find a better Cause so if they do choose to go away from him, they will bring greater adversity into their lives in the long run. It will only be a matter of time experiencing relationships with other Causes before they come back. For some people it takes more time and experience than others.
“And my people are bent to backsliding from me” ~Hosea 11:7
“Why then is this people of Jerusalem slidden back by a perpetual backsliding? they hold fast deceit, they refuse to return.” ~Jeremiah 8:5
“Yea, for thus saith the Lord: Have I put thee away, or have I cast thee off forever? For thus saith the Lord: Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement? To whom have I put thee away, or to which of my creditors have I sold you? Yea, to whom have I sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.” ~2 Nephi 7:1
“For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still.” ~2 Nephi 15:25
“Yea, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess before him. Yea, even at the last day, when all men shall stand to be judged of him, then shall they confess that he is God…” ~Mosiah 27:31
It's Like a Marriage
In the scriptures the relationship between Jesus Christ and his people is sometimes compared to a marriage. Jesus Christ is the husband and the house of Israel (his people) his wife. Therefore the “breaking up” metaphor.
“The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son” ~Matthew 22:2
“Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.” ~Matthew 25:1
Why Would He Want Us Back?
The Savior has made a covenant with his people that he will never give up on them and he will always allow them to repent—to come back and reestablish the relationship. You would think that he would be repulsed by people who basically go out and cheat on him. The house of Israel ends up “playing the harlot” on many occasions throughout history. Why then would he even want her back? Most men would say, “Good riddance.” Most men wouldn’t stand for such unfaithfulness in their wife.
“The Lord said also unto me in the days of Josiah the king, Hast thou seen that which backsliding Israel hath done? she is gone up upon every high mountain and under every green tree, and there hath played the harlot.” ~Jeremiah 3:6
“I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him.” ~Hosea 14:4
“Nevertheless, for my name’s sake will I defer mine anger, and for my praise will I refrain from thee, that I cut thee not off. For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. For mine own sake, yea, for mine own sake will I do this, for I will not suffer my name to be polluted, and I will not give my glory unto another. Hearken unto me, O Jacob, and Israel my called, for I am he; I am the first, and I am also the last.” ~1 Nephi 20:9-12
The Trial of Our Faith
Even though the relationship between us and Jesus Christ is like a marriage, it is not exactly like a husband and wife who physically see and interact with each other everyday. The relationship is based on Faith. We don’t see him right here in front of us. We don’t have the blessing of his continuous physical presence. Most of us need to rely on accounts of him recorded in the scriptures. We see what kind of husband he is through the recorded interactions between him and his people throughout history. Others have seen him. Those who knew him when he was physically on the earth are vital witnesses to us of who he was and still is. Those who have seen him in vision are equally vital witnesses.
But most of us who are striving to develop a relationship with him need to rely on his spiritual presence. That is, we need to incrementally come to know who he is spiritually, not what he looks like physically. We do this by becoming more aware of when he is speaking to us. We need to become familiar with his voice and learn how it feels when he is spiritually near us. It’s a lot like the Hot and Cold game many of us have played in Primary. When we come to identify his spiritual presence, we are required to fix our Faith on it, depend upon it, trust in it, and never doubt.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” ~Proverbs 3:5-6
“…and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.” ~Matthew 1:23
Listen: “Emmanuel” by Amy Grant
Part of the reason I think he puts up with our “cheating” and still wants us back is that he understands that we’re just figuring out what it means to belong to him. We’re not sure who he really is and what our covenant relationship with him means. We don’t completely understand that this spiritual relationship is as powerful as it is. We don’t have a full knowledge of Him and his Causehood as compared to the physical and temporal Causehood of others. And usually when we doubt, it seems like we’re just doubting ourselves, our own heart, and not Him. It’s all so tricky. And the presence of Satan and his minions make it even worse. We just need time to work it all out. How many amazingly valuable people in history have turned their lives completely around given time and experience with adversity? Alma, the elder. Alma, the younger. Sons of Mosiah. Amulek. Zeezrom. Paul. Peter. Probably all of Jesus' disciples. These kinds of people are actually my favorite kinds of people.
What is Heaven Anyway?
What are we imagining heaven to be? I know for me, I could be in the most luxurious, exotic paradise that the world has to offer, pampered by spa treatments, warm beaches with sparkling turquoise water, and an Izzy on the rocks within arm’s reach but if I’m not with someone I totally admire and empathize with and vice versa, I am far from being satisfied. That kind of “paradise” doesn’t even come close to my heaven. But if I am in my house, washing a pile of dishes, and I’m having a spiritual conversation with my Savior, and he’s teaching me about something I never even fathomed before, which is causing my heart to swell in waves of unspeakable Joy, because it’s helping me resolve some conflict that has been eating me alive, I am completely and utterly satisfied. That is where heaven is at for me.
Listen: “Paradise” by Coldplay
AND
The spiritual presence of the Lord and his people is where heaven is at. It is Joy. It is the eternal reward that happens right now when we are keeping His commandments or trying to with all our hearts. This is about living with a Husband who never will cheat on us AND being protected from those who do.
Listen: “Afterlife” by Switchfoot
The Power of His Presence
During Jesus’ life on earth, when he told people that their sins were forgiven, he was basically saying, “You can come back into my spiritual presence with the non-cheaters (our covenant relationship). Even though you have to deal with cheaters out there in your physical environment, you have this spiritual world of non-cheaters that you can rely on.” The Pharisees said, “Who can forgive sin, but God alone?” They were all offended, saying he was usurping God’s authority, but more importantly their own authority. They went around telling people who could be in their synagogues and who couldn’t (blind man from birth). They made the church their church instead of God’s church.
What Christ was saying when he forgave their sins was that they could once again be in His spiritual synagogue, His spiritual church, kingdom, and presence. So if we're willing to repent, get back on track, and stop trying to cheat, then he wants us back. We are valuable assets to his kingdom. And he and his kingdom are valuable assets to us.
“Yet Jesus and His disciples, with no touch of scorn or exclusiveness, sat down with [the outcasts of society] at the feast…A charity so liberal caused deep dissatisfaction, on two grounds, to two powerful bodies—the Pharisees and the disciples of John. To the former, mainly because this contact with men of careless and evil lives violated all the traditions of their haughty scrupulosity; to the latter, because this ready acceptance of invitations to scenes of feasting seemed to discountenance the necessity for their half-Essenian asceticism.” ~Frederic W. Farrar, The Life of Christ (pg 270)
“Our Lord’s words were constantly a new revelation for all who heard them, and if we may judge from many little indications in the Gospels, they seem often to have been followed, in the early days of His ministry, by a shock of surprised silence…It was only in their secret thoughts that they silently mused and questioned, ‘Who is this, who forgiveth sins also?’ Jesus knew their inward hesitations…He gently sent away the woman who had been a sinner with the kind words, ‘Thy faith hath saved thee: go into peace.’ And to peace beyond all doubt she went, even to the peace of God which passeth all understanding, to the peace which Jesus gives, which is not as the world gives.” ~Frederic W. Farrar, The Life of Christ (pg 240)
“For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;” ~D&C 19:16-17
