The Glass Shattered in My Hands

In 1991, I bought a vintage gumball machine from a garage sale. A few weeks later, I was sitting on the edge of my bed trying to remove the glass globe from the base so I could fill it with gumballs. It wouldn’t come off, so I gripped it tighter and tried again. The glass shattered in my hands and cut me deeply in my palm. I was bleeding heavily. After rinsing and inspecting it, I knew it would need stitches. I covered it with a towel and drove myself to the hospital.

At Utah Valley Hospital in a small room partitioned with white curtains, the doctor removed a few tiny shards of glass and began sewing the cut back together. It hurt badly. I complained and pulled my hand away. He injected more local anesthetic around it but the pain was still intense. The doctor’s response was essentially, “Suck it up.” He could not understand my response and thought I was just being a wimp. So, I closed my eyes and just endured.

After the wound had healed and the stitches were removed, my palm still hurt when I put pressure on it. I thought it just would take some time to completely heal inside. But after many months, I was still feeling the pain. 

I wondered if this was just something that would always bother me. Some people get injured and live with pain and weakness for the rest of their lives. Was this one of those situations?

One day it occurred to me that there may still be some glass in there. 

A Second Opinion

I went to the doctor (a different one) and told him about the problem. He listened to my story and tested the area. He agreed that my hypothesis was most likely true. He then took some x-rays and verified that there was something in there. My skin had healed up completely, encasing it in there.

A few days later, I had out-patient surgery. The doctor opened my palm up with a laser, removed a half-inch sliver of glass, and then restitched it. This time the healing was complete. What a relief!

The emergency-room doctor had very little empathy for me because he did not know the extent of the injury. With the surface-level shards of glass removed and the local anesthetic, he believed the stitching shouldn’t have caused that much pain. He concluded that I was a wimp. Because that was his judgment, I too wondered why I wasn’t tough enough to endure the pain.

Spiritual Injuries

I have learned through years of experience that spiritual or emotional injuries are very similar to physical injuries. A spiritual injury is like the shard of glass in my palm because it is hidden and takes careful evaluation to see and understand the extent of the injury.

If we don’t work with someone who has the patience to listen to our story and the skill to heal us completely, the wounds may heal on the surface, but still cause us pain when pressure, stress, or adversity is applied.

We all have red buttons, pain points, sensitivities, vulnerabilities, weaknesses. If you have a fixed mindset like I used to have, you may think that you just have to live with them. You may think this is your life. But I’ve learned to have a growth mindset: Always take the time to look more deeply for the shards of glass first before thinking I have to live the rest of my life with a pain that may very well be easily removed now.

Physical Challenges

In many cases we do have to live with physical injuries, weaknesses, or disabilities for the rest of our lives. I have read many stories of people who have done this, but have found greater purpose, meaning, and joy in life than they ever would have without the challenge. Here are links to three videos of people who have done this:

Helen Keller

Art Berg

Nick Vujicic 

Before 2006, I had a number of weaknesses and pain points that I wasn’t completely aware of. They were hidden beneath a superficially healed surface. When the going got tough, I felt sharp spiritual pain. I reacted seemingly disproportionately to life’s challenges. Some people thought I just needed to “suck it up.” They couldn’t understand my response and thought I was just being a wimp. I believed them. So I tried to endure it. But I also went to other sources, read lots of books, and tried many things.

Jesus Christ, My Second Opinion

During His lifetime, Jesus Christ was a Spiritual and a Physical Physician. The two abilities went hand in hand.

“They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” - Matthew 9:12

In the following story, we see Jesus as a Physical Physician. The woman, like me, had tried everything she could to solve the problem with the resources that were available to her before learning about Jesus.

“And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, When she had learned of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.” - Mark 5:25-29

In my story Jesus has been both a Physical and Spiritual Physician. In 2006, I began developing my communication relationship with Him to a level I had never known was possible. When I developed the faith to communicate with him, He was the doctor I went to for a second opinion. He listened to my story. He had the technology to x-ray my soul. In every single case, we identified the problem and worked through it together. We removed one shard at a time. And this time the healing was complete.